I’m not quite right today.
I’ve a thoroughly gasted flabber.
The milk of human kindness
Seems to have begun to clabber.
I got plussed but now it’s minus,
I’m so chalant I am nearly flat.
I am almost as spaced out
As a modern day Schrodinger’s cat.

Catch my phrase, please
If you think you can.
I am what became of
The Muffin Man.
The son of no mother
Who never had a dad.
I’m the reason that
The March Hare went mad.

I was once a pillar of immunity
But lately I am wagging a scally.
But somewhere along the line
I became a cat in some alley.
I‘m at five sixes and sevens
I lost the war and the battle.
My creek is totally full of ****.
Here I am without a paddle.

Catch my phrase, please
If you think you can.
I am what became of
The Muffin Man.
The son of no mother
Who never had a dad.
I’m the reason that
The March Hare went mad.

My last leg hurts a lot, and
My pooch is rather *******.
I’d say I am a bit ******,
But then, that would be lewd.
I’m a scant one barrel short
Of being a real son of a gun.
My **** has started whiffing
And is no longer much fun.

Catch my phrase, please
If you think you can.
I am what became of
The Muffin Man.
The son of no mother
Who never had a dad.
I’m the reason that
The March Hare went mad.

From the early, early morning through the late, late night,
The tweekers keep on coming and it just ain't right.
  Yvonne gets up early and she's feeding the fish,
And here comes Ernie, he's wanting his "ish".
  So she breaks him off a little so that he won't gripe,
Now here comes Pino wanting something in the pipe.
  And next comes Debbie just a shaking that ***,
She's supporting the casino selling half price gas.
  Then comes Clifford call him Big Daddy Mac,
He got the Clabber Girl can goin' clackity - clack.
  From a quarter to a half, to a teener or a ball,
She's got more traffic than the Hill Top Mall.
  Now the daylight's fading and the night's coming on,
On and on and on and on and on,
  The Tweeks have worn a path in the ******* lawn.
Yvonne can't take it, she's headed for the hills,
  Yelling back at Ernie, "Yes, I took my friggin pills!!"
Betty, Sally, Gary, and James,
  The faces keep changing but never the games.
They promise to pay you. They only need a puff,
  A little more please, that's just not enough.
And they bring you lots of things that you just can't use,
  Like fake gold chains and someone else's shoes.
A cordless drill I got no way to charge and brand new jeans three sizes too large.
  "Say hey yo bro, I bet you need one of these".
It's a freaking leaf blower when I ain't got any trees !!!
  Yeah, they call their hustle and they're good at what they do.
You know that they are 'cuz they always hustling YOU !!
  HERE COME THE JUDGE !  HERE COME THE JUDGE !
COURT'S IN SESSION NOW.  HERE COME THE JUDGE !!