"byu" poems
I've spent 3 months ignoring your calls and deleting your voicemails
still I check the weather in Provo and when the first snow surprised you in september I stayed up all night
knitting you socks
I didn't write a note but I drew all over your envelope and I didn't sleep
not until the tracking number reached you
When you called i still didnt answer
but I sat there and watched it ring until my phone died
I
don't
love
you
but the thought of your cold toes consumed me - stay warm
Dec 3, 2013
Dec 3, 2013 at 7:21 PM UTC
All those pretty boys and girls
in Utah with perfect families
and straight teeth and
golf weekends and BYU
I wanna be a Latter Day Saint:
faith like a gorget keeping
holiness inside and sin without,
my eyes turn blue contemplating sainthood
In the south they shout in tongues
they have a private line with the devil
and he lurks in the hearts of
Communists and liberals he says.
I wanna be a born again Baptist
full of hellfire and moonshine
fundamentally patriotic and God
looking down every day at my white hot purity
It’s a good day to be a Baptist my friend.
My Catholicism is a ragged old red robe
seams dragging through the dust
of old men’s prayers and smelling
of my grandmother’s face powder
even when she died.
In the end the rain washes over the berms
of every river not only Jordan
and when the flood comes I will be
lying open in a field
smelling of damp earth and crushed grass
my knees unbent and my hands unclasped
my heart in my mouth still beating.
Dec 21, 2014
Dec 21, 2014 at 1:54 PM UTC
I'm being torn in two
My two halves are fighting again
The good side
The Mormon girl
She wants to be righteous
She wants to do all that she is supposed to
Stay on the path
Be worthy
Be active in the church
Go to BYU
Meet a return missionary
Get married in the temple
Start a family
Have five or so kids
Grow old
Stay in the church
And die
Knowing she raised a good Mormon family
And then there's the bad side
The rebel
She wants to do want she really wants
She wants piercings
She wants tattoos
She wants to be radical
Live her own life
Without consequences
From those Above
Go to college...elsewhere
Meet someone like her
Get married on the beach
(Or not at all!)
Maybe have a family
Couple kids
And live her days
Rebelliously
Enjoying her days
Not caring for tomorrow
And each side
Have their ups and downs
So
Why
Not
Both?
And that's where my struggle lies
And how to combine the two
Nearly opposite sides
Into one
Imperfect whole
And that's what I'll be doing
For the rest of my days
Until I die
After I die
Is combine my two halves
And make one
And make Me
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 10:33 AM UTC