They took everything from her.
They.
Whatever those things are don't deserve names.
Not for what they did.
Just pretend you're somewhere else
You never realize what's happened
until after he's done.

You put a pillow over your own face because you're embarrassed the first time,
but you get used to it.
He's charming and always has the right thing to say.
It's fun dancing out in the night,
breaking the rules and not caring about anything.
The window opens and closes.
Heavy breaths in the middle of the night.
Just hoping your parents don't walk in.
What? You'll like it.

His friend thinks it'd be good to get back at him.
Yeah it'll be fun.
Curbside fun.
No cars drive by.
God please someone drive by.
I'm not done yet keep going.
He thought it was such a big joke.

Wow what a sweet car.
Meaningless texts,
turning into meaningless drives.
It's okay, no one will see.
I know a place we can go.
This doesn't feel right.
It happens again,
and again.

You're such a ****, I know what you did.
How could you do this?

So you like theatre huh?
Wow that was such a good monologue.
He's like Romeo, and I Juliet.
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Oh he's so romantic.
How'd I get to this place.
I can do this, I can handle myself.
Caressing and kissing.
God please don't leave me with him
I think I'm going to be sick.
It keeps on going,
does this ever stop?
It's so dark, I don't want to see his face.
Are you sure you want to do this?
No.
NO.
I don't want to do this get off me!

Yeah I'm kind of a big deal.
Wow he's cuter in person.
Why don't we hang out?
Oh my god yes.
The window opens and closes.
Not in my bed,
please no.
Of course.

No not you again.
He's still charming
He is drunk this time.
He always is now.
God I hate the smell of smoke.
Am I the only sober person here?
Frost, you know I love you right?
No.
No you don't.
You don't know a **** thing about me.
And you never will.

Country boy country wide.
Get in that big ole truck girl.
Riding in the moonlight.
Wow there's a lot more space back here than it looks.

You did what?!

Yeah I put in notches for every girl I bring back here

I am not just a notch.
I am a person
I am sick of being touched and grabbed.
Somebody just listen to me.

MONTHS LATER

No I don't want to go out,
I don't feel like it.
But I love Braums.
Standing impatiently in line waiting.
Waiting,
wait.
Who is he?
I can't look away.
I feel the magnetic pull towards him.
God he's perfect.
Hey can you give him my number?
11:00pm
Purple Hat.
Starbucks?
Oh I don't know.
What if he's like them
No, he's different.
Yeah sure I'll meet you there.
Four hours later.
A familiar warm embrace.
Well it was nice meeting you
Yeah you too.


I think you're my knight in shining armor
I'm saved.

I really loved him.
Not in a teenage way,
in a real way.

He was in so many big parts of my life:
Prom.
Graduation.
College.
Everything.

It's so hard to let a person go that's been through everything with you.

That night at Braums,
I was so sure of everything.
I felt that magnetic pull towards you.
That's him, that's the one
I'm gonna marry that boy

It's still a shock I guess,
and it's hard to put on a smile.
I guess when someone has been in your life for that long,
it gets even harder for you to let them go.

I feel in my heart that it isn't over,
but in reality I can't explain.

You were such a big part of my life,
and still are and will be,
there's no denying or pretending that.
You changed everything.

And it's crazy to even say or think this,
I know,
but if you ever came back,
I'd say yes in a moment's flash.

I stare at that ring you gave me,
I realize now more than I ever did how beautiful it is.
It sits on my nightstand,
twinkling.
It is hard for me to hold it,
or even look at it.
But I still do.
I put it on my ring finger,  
but then I take it off again.
I don't know if it's too painful,
or I'm just too hopeful.

It sits on my hand,
and I wait.

*Love is a big word