sometimes i wonder
am i lonely
or am i just alone

i ponder on this as I poison myself with more alcohol
and stumble across the busy streets filled with people looking for temporary pleasure.

cheap alcohol and ****** music
lonely old men that'd be slapping those shrinking ***** againsts an asian ***** later in the night
underaged kids addicted to the revolting taste of luxury with their parents money

i am a disgusting hypocrite for i live for nothing except cheap thrills and writing.

I've smoked all these cigarettes
but I still don't know what "I love you" tastes like
I know hands againsts skin and a face on fire
shaking hands and heartache
but someone tell me
What does I love you taste like
what does it feel like against a hollow ear
I know his fingers on my spine, but not a print on my soul
not one steady syllable
I'm not old enough to say that I've felt it all
but I've felt enough
to feel this sickening ache deep in the pits of who I am
each time I get close enough these words are like sand
running through the cracks between my trembling digits
I swallow down every thought like a hand full of rocks
My throat is screaming raw
I've become too afraid to feel things that I cannot put into words
and to say I want nothing more than to see you
is not enough
because I want everything
including your voice
pressing hot words against my skin instead of finger tips
I want 'I love yous' in my eardrums
but all I get is the sound of my heart beating
and that's starting to sound like a gental lie
I've smoked all these cigarettes
My mouth is desert dry
I cannot force the words out
There is a faint buzzing in the back of my brain
it's more like a thousand wasps
The sound of every "I love you" that's ever been lost

Escaping were tears from her eyes.
Vicious were the hurting pains heard from her cries.
Endless echoes of deep and hallow voices.
Leaning towards the sun and againsts quiet noises.
Young was her son who never spoke a word and would probably speak none.
Not a day that passes that she has not missed her man.

People talking behind her while showing smiles infront of her face.
As if they were not fools when the truth is that they're more of a disgrace.
Gestures are weaved into words when her hands are in waves.
Uncomf'table with what the world thinks but her heart remains pure and unraged.
Implosive thoughts of anger that she can never let out and explode.
Residing in fears of doubtful taunts and still she remains dauntless and composed.
In days when the rain never stopped pouring.
God lits up a light without her even knowing.
A brightly blaze that is called the golden sun.
No more shedding of tears for those past and broken pieces are again mended into one.

truth begets Truth
trust begets Trust
Life begets seed
seed begets life
Life begets Life
life begets life

like attracts like

there is no versus
no againsts
what is created here
is matched
whether perceived right or wrong

Like attracts Like

as a child grows
and develops
so its soul allows
when guidance is missing
or when it isn’t

like attracts like

give your heart to God
follow His Heartsong
alone
then all the titfers
become only Tats


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater