home is reinventing yourself
over and over and over
to get it right
struggling to put your life back together
playing catch up years behind
watching everyone go on without you
home is that gutwrenching terror
that freezes needles into your skin
that has your hands trembling
as he downs another drink
home is an empty fridge while you starve
alone in your room
wishing you could end it all
home is empty bottles
shattered against the wall
vomit painted on the floor
like a monet
home is a disappearing act
as you sink into your bed
wishing you’d never woken up
home is the art of becoming invisible
inconsequential
as you sit alone on the roof
contemplating the fall
wishing the wind would take you
home is lying awake crying
while they sleep right next to you
miles away in the same bed
home is hoping they’d kiss you more
hold you more
love you more
home is falling apart in the shower
desperately trying to make yourself want less
tearing your own skin apart
hoping you'll finally do it