it's supposed to be that way
everything needs to feel hopeless
you have to break a few times
and absolutely need to feel terrible,
worse than you've ever felt,
before you can be strong.

it's a game called life
and it's supposed to be cold
and you have to search
before you can find your warmth

force yourself to fall in love with me
and we could pretend that we are in love tonight.
just for tonight,
because when the sun hits the window sill,
and when you have to be gone again...
I'll be on my way.
I'll return the parts of you that completed me,
the dancing, the neck kissing, the days before....
and if we're lucky,
we'll never see each other again.

Remember the moment
You know exactly where you're going,
'Cause the next moment,
Before you know it, time is slowing
And it's frozen still,
And the window sill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life,
It probably happens at night,
Right?

Fight it,
Take the pain, ignite it,
Tie a noose around your mind
Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it
To a tree. Tell it, "You belong to me.
This ain't a noose, this is a leash.
And I have news for you: you must obey me."

such a quiet voice
with such significant words to say

Here we go again with the days I don't eat at all
I'm starting to repeat my words over and over
except not in my sleep, 'cause I can't seem to shut my eyes
only when the stars and melatonin are in agreement,
but it doesn't matter because I'm having nightmares again
except my eyes are open and I'm not dreaming
my skin is actually red and bleeding
my hands are actually shaking
this is reality and it's terrifying

I think I'm repeating how I was a few years ago,
This time, I have people closer to me,
I have people at my work to find comfort in
I could probably let my mother know,
but I'd rather talk about my financial condition than my mental state

I never figured out what it meant to do
"soul searching"
I always found it just fine at 3 in the morning
because that's the only time everything poisons my mind
that's the only time i can feel anything
I just can't seem to feel truly alive anymore

Sorry I didn't text you back.
I was busy,
I know, it's no excuse,
But I was trying to catch my breath,
I was running through the streets
Jumping in creeks
At dead end roads

Sorry I didn't return your phone calls
I was preoccupied dancing with him
In the shadows of a sunset
With no music playing
We were just waiting for the stars
To shine brighter than our eyes

I never received your emails
There's no wifi at the edge of a cliff.
It just doesn't come with the thrill of an ocean breeze
In the middle of waters
We were busy jumping waves
And trying to live instead of just survive

Things are skewed in little ways
That we are believed to think everything's okay.
First things first,
Why the hell is it so shocking that my parents are still together?
Why is a normal question "are your parents divorced?"
Is it because a lot of people lose feelings for the first person they married?
Do they love the person or are they bored?
Or maybe one of them finally showed their true colors
In the mindset their partner can't run away.

While we are on marriage,
Why is it okay for some people to love someone
But others can't?
I think you know where I'm going.
Only recently did the marriage discrimination stop.
But in my state, there no breath of fresh air

The ones who seem to love more,
Can't lock their lives together
Just because it's wrong in the eyes of God,
But these people sure weren't preaching when they gossip, lied, or stole

One last thing, is it normal for a college student to struggle?
Why is it normal for them to be thousands of dollars in debt for the rest of their lives,
even when they have scholars ships and finical aid?
Because books and food aren't free,
Older generations critise them
When college student still live with their parents.
Older generations critise them
When they move out and stuggle
In the economic trap that the older generation set.