maybe I shouldn't think like that.
I keep remembering that time
we sat in the grocery store parking lot reading fortune cards
I was just there to cheer you up,

And sometimes I regret not taking the chance we could've had
But it's like I need crazy, and I have to be with insane
And when you visited me at work for that last time
I never heard from you again
I don't know if I regret it or not.

I stayed attached to a boy who would
Watch the stars with me and would grip my thighs
And in the morning he'd hide me when the church van came

Maybe I shouldn't think like this.
Maybe I shouldn't be remembering how different things could have been.

I found peace in a place where
Most people would be terrified.

Left and right,
And right again.
I sold my soul.
You're left tonight and
im thinking about turning around.
I know it makes no sense,
But my eyes are watering but I'm not
No way am I ever going to cry.
I told you.
Left and right, dare me to swerve on the interstate.

I don't remember when it first started,
All I know it is was a pressing weight that
Fell through my lungs
Puncture some veins and killed some nerves
I heard the questions I hope we all hear
(I don't want to be the only one and all alone),
They never stopped throughout all the years.

I only figured them out enough
To make them be quiet.
And I got so violent when they were louder than me.
So I was quiet.
I'll explain this to you,
I've made peace with these nagging questions.
The professionals call this a serious case,
But I'm fine, honest.
I'll find the answers.

Nights like tonight remind me why I hate sleeping at "home"
I have a toxic relationship with my bed
Melatonin can't block out the noises of my childhood
I spent it watching my parents stumble and burn us
We were in sight but out of mind,
Nights like tonight make me wonder why
Do I rest my head on my pillow?
Making minimum wage is like being in an abusive relationship
"You can't leave
You'll never find anyone better
Are you happy with what you have?"
And home is never going to be where the heart is.
Can you understand me?

Ohmygod
I'm sick of this
You know what I mean?
People who are purposely cookie cutter &
Afraid. If you step out the lines, someone
May not approve. I'm gonna say this again in
Different form.
If you're in this for approval, you may be diagnosed with: someone else's life
Side effects include: not living for yourself, depending on others, and being too scared to grow.
They say "youlaughcausesomethingilaugh because you're all the samestayweirdbedifferent"
And ohmygod I've heard it all before and it doesn't end

They tell each other to be different all in the same voice
DoyouknowwhatImean
Oh no I'm not searching for approval
But I don't mind respect, but
I won't beg for your time

Are you here?
You seem too far
covered in the sun shower.
You're lightning and
you're a flame that burns my days down,
and you brought me down when you could talk so smooth.
He said baby. I can't. Love. Another
I can't stop choosing crazy and numb. Sometimes it's like I'll only love him.
But he made it sound like a joke no
I'm not obsessed. It's mutual, and it know it is.
I forgot to mention I don't have this type of love
I was never falling apart but
I somehow still went through hell and back to stay together like
I was always on the verge of snapping
And it took all my strength
Some nights I'm weaker than others
I used to love my time alone
But now when I'm alone I think
What could I have done better?
Should I have talked it out?
I never shattered but
I guess I did, only when I was alone
But I was never lonely
I just couldn't stop thinking of the piled up mistakes
How much I missed you, but
I couldn't fall in love with all of it
Only you.
And to thank you for the hell you payed me