i want to
take my slow time
meandering down
down and down your pale chest,
kissing every birthmark,
every part of you,
every so slowly as you shiver under
my soft touches.

i want to trail my cool fingers from ur lips
and grip you close to me
as the blood rushes to every piece of you i touch.

i want to make you mine.

a chasm deep in my chest
opened up
when i heard you moved on.

that you have a new ******* your arm now
that she has glasses, is short-- kinda
kinda reminds me of me

maybe, maybe
she reminds you of me,
who knows?

but thinking of you holding her in your arms the way you used to,
her fingers trailing your collarbone the way i did,
laying kisses down on it as if she was walking down the line
the way i used to...
you, stealing her away from a quick embrace in a dark corner, a long, passionate and forbidden kiss masked by the darkness and away from the bleary lights

will you love her the way you never did me?

my collection of sweaters keeps growing
each filled with adoration from ex-lovers
the way the cheap polyester would rub against
my bare skin
somehow reminding them that i
was theirs.

Too bad.
They forgot that I favor another sweater more--
that I wore it first,
that I am comfortable in my very own
skin
that I don't need their flimsy synthetics
to keep me warm on a cold and lonely night.

Please don't let us
f
  a
    d
      e
away...

It'd hurt too much--
I've bared my soul out for you,
my whole heart is in those deep pockets of yours
the ones I always loved so much.
It's been so long since someone has been able to
hold my heart
oh so tenderly
the way you do.

Don't squeeze it, drop it,
return it.

Sorry! I have a no refund or exchange policy :)

I'm worried.
It's starting again-- this is how it always
always
******* starts.
We get too busy,
I have things to do,
you have things to do,
it's all the same, it's okay.
Suddenly, I'm too far away,
it's too much of a hassle now,
and we won't have much time.
Next thing you know, days become
weeks
and weeks become
months,
and eventually
even though we were the greatest,
we have faded and
there is no we.

When we love someone,
we'll do crazy things,
even hurt yourself
if it means they'll prosper.

Maybe it was me,
that I was too late in fixing our problems.
Maybe it was me,
that I didn't know how to love myself
to fix myself,
before I could ever hope of loving you.

But.
Maybe it was you too.
Maybe it was you,
in your stressed out ways,
your lack of time,
and your incompetence.

...Maybe it was you too.
Not just me.

Back and forth it keeps going
the silence just stretches on
none the wiser to start talking
no one wanting too
everyone too scared
both too angry
too bitter
too... sad.

I miss you.

Its been awhile
since the last words that left my pen
really meant something.

I study science to help me understand the world better,
but really,
Im just getting more and more confused the more I learn.

When will I learn
why I feel these irrational voids
of pitch-black anger and this
agony that eats me away, little by little?

You were a sight for sore eyes,
they way you walked up
that pure smile
and that laugh
god I could never get enough of it--

But I guess,
I guess,
maybe that was it.
I could never get enough of you.
And when you got enough of me?
You easily let me go.

Like a moth to flame,
they'll all come to me eventually.
They'll saunter over,
lackadaisical smile and all,
offer me a word or two,
light the spark in me,
and before they know it--
they have a flame.

But the closer they get,
no matter how beautiful,
no matter the glistening
dancing crimson that was smattered before them
they would never be able to get too close.
Nor could I.
I'd burn them
with a touch, with a smile, with anything more
than mere warmth.
I'd burn through it all.
Their hearts, their charm, their love.
And it seemed, I
burnt my joy while at it too.

I am in a circle of agony.

As I venture out, I am forever drawn into the center,
centrifugal forces area lie--
I can never seem to flee, but I am rather so attracted
to that pinpoint of melancholy
that seems to resonate with me
too much to be healthy,
too much to make sense.

As I look back at our mess,
the storm we created,
the whirlwind of excitement
and pain and hurt and toxicity
(but the love was there)
all I see now are a mumble of black and red,
the words mixed and blurred,
the meaning nixed.

It is in this chaos,
I feel safe.

You were so fleeting,
I couldn't get enough of you ever.
I ate you up,
swallowed you whole,
and when you had enough,
all that taking and taking
never able to give you enough
you were done.

Today I stood
and watched
as the smoke wafted up into the air
away and away
and all I could think of was
how much it hurt to see
something so bad for you
drifting away slowly
yet I want that high
I miss that high you gave me...

nothing seems right
the colors don't fit the tone
the melody doesn't fit the song
everything is spinning out and out
no end to it
no end to the constant pain
that sneaks into every little crevice it can find
and if there are no more
it'll crack and break you open
like a ******* pistachio
and seep through
ooze into every part of you
until you are nothing more than a corpse
filled with gooey black
mess and sorrow and agony and pain
oh the pain it never goes away
it shows too much
you can never keep it inside
it'll always find a way to dissipate
show itself
so prideful, tell them all that
you've been able to consume another victim
able to corrode away the inside and make it
it's new home.

That's all it ever wanted anyways.
A home;
isn't that all we ever want?

I've been trying to pull everything apart
the echo of your steps down the lonesome corridor
the soft touch of your fingers as they twirl my hair
the soft voice you used to sing in
the scent of you on my clothes
every memory in every place
everything leads to you
but no matter how hard I pull and pull
every memory comes snapping back
every time I come so close to pulling you all out
pulling pulling
all the kisses and hugs
all the scents and sounds and sorrow
can't seem to go away

You've haunted me,
left me to wail and cry
to no end
no mercy
there's nothing I can do
nothing that will ease my pain
you're gone...
you're gone...

thought it was supposed to be good to look back
blast from the past
and maybe it is
a good thing to do to look back
and remember everything
and improve as they say
but is it really o worth it
when looking back just
hurts and hurts and hurts
and aches and leaves you shaking
at 2am unable to stop crying and remembering
oh god oh god
i remember it now
all the things that i had worked so hard to make disappear
are chasing me now

so is it really so worth it?
to try to learn and do better
but to only end up never being able to even get past it?

she came onto the car today
head bowed, shoulders hunched
holding what looked like the world for her
as everyone looked away and barred themselves
for things they were too busy to hear,
too insignificant for their time

with a deep breath
she started
slowly gaining strength and power through her words
showing the words out of her mouth on to
the bare ***** subway floor
spreading them almost like a disease bring for sustenance
because thats what everyone thought she was
a parasite, a mere annoyance
nothing more

so when she spoke of repent
and saving i listened as she bore her eyes through me
and looked into me
and spoke of the things to be wary of
as i cast my eyes down and looked away
ashamed

bear your sins,
be free of their binding
she preached;
escape their cage, their imprisonment
and be free

I can't write poems
that sound like music floating
through the wind
the way you do
but I can try
and veil my words
with your magic

With every whisper,
a smile ending the sentence.

Things have changed,
But for the better my dear.
We have learned from our mistakes,
Promised to change and the
Future
Blossoms with possibility and promise.

I'm so excited to see where we will go.

You know all those songs you introduced me to?
All those songs we used to listen to together?
I still listen to them today
Even though you're long gone and I'm still stuck in the quicksand of our love.
It hurts, but it's okay.

The memories flood back to me and
I welcome them all wholeheartedly.
For it reminds me of better days
Where the blue from the oceans stood out more
The crimson hues of the sunsets painting your very being
Where your onyx eyes bore far away
Past me and our galaxies.

And I always asked you, 'what do you see?'
And although you never really told me I still thought it was perfect for it was so worthy of your attention.

Now that that's all over and you've blown yourself away like the sand on the rocks
I can't help but wonder though.
Amidst the waves you sailed away from me by
During the thunderstorms you know I sent you
Did you ever look back to me
To us?

Nothing seems right
It's not supposed to make sense
But somehow it all fits together
The hurt the agony
But yet all that love and smiles--
Spinning, spinning
Twirling in this sea of words
As the rain crashes down and with each raindrop
A gunshot of words
Fired right for me
Piercing me through and through

Yet somehow we're still standing

ne pensez pas de moi
j'ai besoin d'oublier
même si c'est juste pour une minute
une heure
un jour

I'm tired.
I don't want the false claims
Only for you to forget and go on
Because ******* you promised me
And I need you now
As I lie in bed
Crying to sleep,
How you told me you wouldn't
Be the cause to my pain
But here we are
And all I need,
Even as I lie here in the everlasting bottomless pit of melancholy
Is your arms.
Even though I want to hurt you so bad
Make you feel my pain...
I just want you to hold me.
Tell me it'll be alright.
That you've changed.

Guess something never change, huh?

It's too late for anything now
To patch it all up
Make sure every one is happy

It's just too late

I'm too far gone to be saved and I don't know if I want to be saved.

Hello,
dear.

It's been awhile since I've last saw your scarred face,
those pockmarks etched across your skin
as you leered at me with those
hungry, greedy eyes.

It's been awhile since your words have affected me,
how they used to whisper in my ears
about all those little imperfections that scatter across my body like rainclouds on a sunny day-

But not everyone seems to hate rain.

Let all the hustle and bustle swirl around
swirling, twirling
around me in a dizzying frenzy

And suddenly

I fall into your arms, those strong arms
holding me up tough and tall
reminding me how to stand up
To be brave to the world and all
of its ammunition fired at me.

No matter what,
even if I can't stand anything right now,
you always make me smile.

It's only getting worse and worse
this longing I have for you
that pulls at my heart
and stretches it wide and across
far enough that my heart
oh my stupid heart
it's on the floor now and being dragged across the floor
and straight into your open palms.

The sky was gray,
the kind of overcast that took over
not only the sky
but took your mind with it,
Pouring all of its tears
steadily
into all your thoughts,
Drenching them and washing them all away.
The steady pitter patter of the rain
drummed away all the swirling mania that danced across my head,
the soft jazz settling into my head
steadying me
and finally bringing me to rest.

Things have gotten better
all the shadows disappeared,
despite all the light.

Maybe im just staring too hard into the light,
but i cant see the demons that often anymore
unless I seek them out.

Things are changing

The thing is
its not that you left
I dont mind that you've gone to go find yourself
to explore things you've never seen
to escape this hellhole

Its that you didn't take me with you

It was dark
and I wasnt alone.
I could hear your gentle breath,
In and out of your mouth,
those soft lips perfectly puckered
and your breath finally steady.

You were asleep.

You were finally seemingly at peace,
your mind wasnt running around
worrying about how to pay the bills
worrying about me,
you were finally sleeping and dreaming
and in bliss.

Hey guys,
its been awhile. Things have changed
for me
things arent the same as they were
just only a few months ago
when I was staggering and stumbling
around
trying to figure my way through

I've finally found myself
found the things ive been looking for all along
to feel loved to be loved
to find friends and family amongst thieves and beggars

Ive really hit the gold guys
and im so thankful for all of hellopoetry because you guys all helped me
through my toughest days
and supported me throughout.
it was here that I met my best friends
and my boyfriend,
it was here that I got to meet amazing people and amazing works.
I am grateful.

The snowflakes came down,
Frantic children
whirling around, pushed around
trying to find their way home.

The night was cold,
the type of cold that snuck under all your coats and hats and scarves
and carved you out little by little,
Slowly,
seeping into your bones.

But as he stood there, amidst
All the fury of the winds,
the mischevious tickles of the playful snow,
All he felt was warmth,
and he smiled.

Things have changed,
we have changed,
innovating oursleves to better
understand each other and
help each other learn and
Love.

An uproar around the station
filled the air,
plummeting all the death that stank the room,
and killed all that had seem to
be ****** and murderous all before.

The smiles that broke onto their faces,
and the shattering applause that
Enveloped the room
only further heightened the joy that seemed to permeate the room,
striking all the sorrows at heart
with nothing but a simple smile.

There was a death in the room.
Everyone in the room lay still and silent,
Heavy with and unknown weight
That sagged and sunk.

All was eerily quiet,
Not a sound to be heard.

But then-
A burst.
A cry,
A shout!

He had arrived and he brought life,
Miracles and spectacles to behold,
And there was glory!
Oh such glory!
Everything sprung to the occasion,
And suddenly the room was alive
And vibrant and bursting and oh so happy, for he had arrived.

The thing with you is that
you occupy my mind
like a squatter-
There all the time and never leaving.
It makes me happy.
You've made yourself at home in
that small little cottage up there,
Filled it with warmth and music,
food and love.
And at night?
All we do is dance the night away

We were nothing but children trying
to find our way in the world
Clambering our way over corpses
and clinging onto sweet nothings
until we found each other
and grew to be
adults.

**** them with kindness, they say.
so here we go.
Here we are.
Me and him and you.
You.
The one who once promised me
that whoever got him would
be at peace with the other.
The one who wants him to be happy,
the one that promised me they would
stay away and let us be.
Yet keeps coming back.
Thank you for making us stronger.
Making us realize what we mean to each other,
and how we won't let some desperate
*****
get in the way.
Thank you for hurting me,
and for being so cruel and unrelenting,
Thank you for trying to split us apart.

You've only made us stronger.
So, jokes on you.