Happiness*
Is just a ****
Side effect

A side effect of helping
A side effect of loving
A side effect of tragedy

The calm sea before
The raging storm;
The mirage before
The sudden realization

You see,
Happiness exists
But the search for it
Spoils everything

I have folded up this pain
And tucked it into a drawer
One that I never open
But that sometimes opens itself.

It is not often that this happens
But when it does
I take out my pain
And I fold it again.

Someday I’ll hurt again
And have a new pain
Thrown carelessly onto the floor
Crumpled and beautiful.

I will keep it unfolded for a while
And study its shadow at night
The raw sight of fresh sorrow
Lingering around me.

But then I’ll get tired of it
It will start to look ugly
Always in the way
And I will fold it.

I will put it in the drawer with the other pain
The pain that doesn’t hurt anymore
But that remains with me
Because of how it used to hurt me.

So my new pain will not be alone
And I will not be afraid of it
Because in this drawer it is mine
But in this drawer it cannot hurt me.

My love is given to her,
The one who holds my heart,
Or maybe the one who wants it back...

"Who?", you ask,
As for me, I give no response,
I need time to think, to ponder...

"What are you going to do?", you ask,
As for me I have no answer,
I need sleep and a serendipity...

Someone else make these decisions for me,
No not the one who holds my heart,
Nor the one who wants it back...

But as for me, I give no attempt,
No, no I do not try to get her back,
The one who wants my heart back...

Because although I forgave her,
When she left me,
It didn't break my heart, it broke my empathy...

And as for the one who holds my heart,
I hope she puts the pieces of me together again,
Before I make the wrong (or maybe right) decision...

"Come on. It's not that bad."
A hand reaches out of the darkness.
The urgency in his voice encourages me to grasp it.
Panoramic city view hits at full force.
Our eyes meet.
His pupils are so dilated I can no longer see the clear, calming blue.
Another wave comes on as I turn around.
The roof pulses.
The stars swirl.
A look back hungers for a connection that is not met.
He is absorbed by his own mind.
Foot over foot.
Step over step.
Curiosity over fear.
Six stories down, the path continues on.
Impulses form, gather, consume--
The Call of the Void.
His screams are the last beautiful noises to fill my ears.
Or maybe they're my own.

You're the hurricane
Swirling through my brain,
Your words are the lightning,
And my tears are the rain.

Nothing will make up for
The scars and the pain;
The suffering and tears,
And cursing your name.

I feel so depressed;
So upset and ashamed,
My world without you
Will never be the same.

Am I making sense
Or am I insane?
You are an anchor,
And my love for you is the chain.

I'm stuck on you,
Though you are the one to blame,
I got so hurt,
Yet you remained the same.

I'm drowning in my love for you,
Or is it hate that I now show?
After all that you've done to me,
I love you, but want you to explode.

-maybe your over-thinking, maybe your depressed.
maybe its anxiety, maybe its stress.
maybe its sadness or maybe its a death.-
hes withdrawn, acting like hes dead.
his eyes see nothing but he numbly nods his head.
im tired of worry i want love instead.
this boy is trouble, broken and distant.
this boy is confounding though my feelings are insistent.
i don't want to feel. i don't want to care.
his eyes have stopped seeing through their stare.
hes sick, mind and soul.
i want to fix him but at what toll?
he's addicted. challenged by his mind.
and i'm still ignorantly by his side.
how much of this can i abide?