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A Duvall Nov 2016
Shoulda known
Shoulda expected
the moment I asked for help
(Im better off alone)
That the minor inconvenience and the minor expectation
(its better if im alone)
Would have been too much for them to manage
(its better if im alone)
For me.
Cant do anything, for me.

You really thought they cared?
No, you really thought they cared?
Whatever made you think that they ever really cared?
Theyve only ever pitied you
Put you in a box, insisted you were stupid despite your intelligent thoughts.
I struggled. I fought. And I have over come.
But yet I still cant manage to find someone who thinks im worth their time
Dissapointed disregarded disheartened
Heart broken
Theyve got me Jaded
Not caring about the danger
tryin to be faded
A little full of anger
A little tired of this hatred
And I've got a little wager
I could convince you right here right now
That no one in my life
knows my life
-knows who I really am
Knows how hard I've had to fight
Against the broken dreams inside
Against the anxiety, depression and autism.
All convincing them im just a waste of life.
And now my life has been spent with
People disrespecting Me
people dissapointing me
People always hurting me
Making me feel
Making me know
That im always
A Duvall Jul 2016
this is a girl
with a steel spine
whose been hurt too many times
this is a girl
whose let too many people treat her wrong
and who wont stand for it any longer.
this is a girl who will not put her happiness in other peoples hands, no one is allowed to make her unhappy.
this is a girl.. who can cut someone off
and acted like they never even existed
and i am the girl who has.
A Duvall Dec 2015
how could you say i didnt try?
when i was drowning in my own words
trying to get through to you.
and you could have choked on all the words
that you kept inside.

money spent doesnt equal love won.
not to me at least-
i never felt like you loved me
existing doesnt mean you tried
i wanted to see your heart,
i wanted to hear your true feelings
because god, i was pouring mine out to you.
ripping out my heart to you.

how could you ignore me
when my heart was breaking?
how could you ignore me
if you actually loved me?  

despite what you say
your actions tell me the truth
you never loved me-

-and now youre done pretending to-
A Duvall Oct 2015
theres all these things i want
that you say that youll do
though you never plan on actually coming through
i let you raise my hopes
and look forwards to you all day
i cant wait
i cant wait
i cant wait

and then you never respond
never show up
never let me know that again you've driven home
you break my heart and i let you.
you break promises and i let you .
im dumb enough to still hope that you'll keep them

boy imma take these silver linings
from the storms that you keep giving me
im gonna grow, im gonna learn
and someday im gonna get away
im gonna keep improving
getting better every day

you boy,
you're a learning experience
teaching me never to trust
and never to believe
that things will never happen like they do in my dreams

you keep teaching me
not to put my happiness in other peoples hands
not to hope for anything that i cant guarantee
and never
to never
expect the wrong people to love me.
so this is actually worded to be a spoken word/ rap thing
A Duvall Aug 2015
I lie in my room,
In the evening dimness.
In the summers dying heat
and stare out my window
up to the ever shifting branches  
searching through to find glaces
of the end of day sky.

i listen to the cicadas
the crickets and the owls

we used to do this.

we would lie in the twilight swathed in blankets,
hips touching, hands brushing,
we would contemplate life
just feeling this endless moment
its beautiful serene stillness
where we don't have to do anything
where our breathing is amplified in the quiet
and the loudest thing in the room is how close to me you are

for me, these moments are now just loneliness.
because my room is the same in the grey light..
but it is no longer drenched with that wistful longing
to finally reach that next still moment, staring at the sky.
its now just grey and empty.
a lonely picture at  the end of a lonely day.

i wonder sometimes if you miss how it was
do you look back to the soft silence of my room
wanting to hide in its serenity?

and more-

do you ever..

miss me?
im not even as lonely as my poems make me sound, its just something i always write about
A Duvall Jun 2015
When you've finally resigned
yourself to fall asleep

instead of Yearning
for the last attentions from loved ones,

when you lay in your bed
Where you were once kissed..
and all of your thoughts turn
to those who you miss

though, there was never really love     
    in their eyes
it was on their Lips,

and you were drunk on their lies.
you miss the feeling of possibility,       
   the hope of so desired affection.

And now you have no chances
Of being tucked into bed
Of no kisses tonight..

and now

you have no one

to tell you

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