And she poured herself over him
Enveloped herself around his body
so that he would never have a moment where he felt alone

N'awlins babe with
a pretty flower-tat,
seared tuna & sesame,
a dab of wasabi,
club soda & lime,
lily pads & gators.
That's where it's at,
my happy hour
down here,
somewhere.

I cannot distinguish
between love and hate.

For after you kiss me,
you say that you hate me.

And after you hit me,
you say that you love me.

Something just doesn't seem quite right.

Beat like wings and you will take flight
Climb into the clouds to reach great height
Skip across the lilies before your weight reflects
Return to the heart for life’s love effects

Flutter like butterflies and you will be free
Flow into the river to reach the blue sea
Dash across the plain before you stop to admire
Return to the heart for love’s most beautiful fire

Moisten like the dew and you will replenish
Drop into the canyon to echo the finish
Linger in the valley before you miss the silence
Return to the heart for love’s obvious hints

Click like two stones and you will be heard
Creep into the wild to admire the littlest bird
Rush into the waterfall before the moment passes
Return to the heart for love’s inevitable relapses

Wrinkle like the skin and you will pass time
Disappear into thin air to refresh a lost rhyme
Piece into the puzzle before you lose your way
Return to the heart for love’s final say

Another cigarette slowly withers to ashes grasped between the bruised knuckles of my index and ******* just as another burning yellow sun begins to cascade down into the deep blue and pink horizon on another day built solely to bring everyone closer to death.

I take a long drag off the cigarette before taking an equally long sip from a tumbler of whiskey. When I pick up the glass there's a ring of sweat left on the table that reminds me of an eclipse I once saw in my younger years. This was a pointless memory that was soon replaced by the burn from the bright amber spirit.

I savor the taste in my mouth, how it mixes with the blend 27 smoke. I swirl it around and feel the way that it lingers on the tip of my tongue and the way it coats my gums with its warmth. It does nothing to dull the pain that has been building inside but I continue to drink, pouring more in the tumbler until the bottle is empty; never feeling any effects.

I've become numb to the world.

I take another cigarette out of the golden brown and white box, bring it to my lips and light it with a rusted zippo that I found lying on the side of some no-name road a few years back when I was hauling illegal chemicals across state lines. I inhale, letting the acrid smoke fill my mouth before settling deep in my lungs, and exhale the excess. A thick veil of smoke clouds up in front of me and for a moment I cannot see the letter I've nailed into the wall and for that smallest of moments I forget about my troubles, my growing pain, and feel the overwhelming joy of contentment. It is fleeting. The smoke parts, fading into the corners of the room; leaving me staring once again at the note.

My eyes scan the letter and settle on the words "...one month to live." The postmark on the envelope read September 25th. It was now almost Halloween. My chest ached and I felt it cave in under the news that I had read over a dozen times already. Each time felt like a new time, that it couldn't actually be happening. But it was.

It is happening I remind myself.

The pain in my head shot to a burning brightness and I squinted my eyes as if to shield myself from some external force though I knew it to be a useless gesture. The tumor had appeared quickly and spread even faster.

About two months ago I was rewiring outlets for a building that the previous contractor had butchered. It was a simple job and I did it mindlessly, going about the work as usual until there was a searing pain shooting thru my head and I collapsed. When I awoke I was in a hospital with nurses and a doctor standing over me. They were blurry outlines of human forms and their voices were muffled. I slipped back into sleep.

When I woke up again there was only one doctor and he was staring down at a medical chart. My medical chart. He noticed my eyes open and asked questions. I did my best to answer. He told me about the tumor that had spread across my brain, that it was inoperable and the outlook was not good. He said this with all the years of professionalism a doctor can utter. A few hours later I was released.

I stared at the empty bottle of whiskey. I stared at the empty pack of cigarettes. I stared at the letter nailed on the wall. I stared at nothing.

When I stood up a wave of nausea coursed its way thru my body and I caught myself on the kitchen banister before collapsing. I slowly regained my balance and walked over to one of the kitchen drawers. I slid it out and rummaged thru it until I found the smith and Wesson .45 and took it out. I sorted thru another drawer until I found the bullets for it and took them out. I went back to the chair I was sitting in and loaded the gun methodically. I took the barrel of the gun and rested it on the right temple of my head.

I stared at the empty bottle of whiskey. I stared at the empty pack of cigarettes. I stared at the letter nailed on the wall. I stared at nothing.

And then I pulled the trigger.

The more you move up in the world the more you get paid.
The more you get paid the more you accustom yourself to a way of life.
The more you get accustomed to a way of life the more you forget what living is.

Hop that morning train going down the line
Ride the rails and see the country side
Busk the streets and sleep beneath the stars
Life doesn't wait just because you have bills due.

Waking up startled, to battering wind and rain.
Tide marks surging to great gasping heights.
Catching breaths stolen by the wind.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Watching idly by while pieces of you dissolve into the shadows.
I want those clouds weaving through my fingertips.
Their curious renderings like powdered ***** sugar.
Taste it and they fall heavy with gloom like **** death in the aftermath of such storm.

Counting the miles to the storm.
Ticking, tocking, and clicking.
The clock waiting in anticipation for the next thunderous sound.
Cold shivers up my spine like a thousand Carolina insults.
Your ghost still haunts and seeps into my pores lastly at night.
I taste defeat in the way you love.
It's like weaving clouds between my fingertips
Trying to grasp and hold onto every flowing motion of you pulling away from me

My cold, cracked walls are surged.
Towered over in their crumbling decay.
I want to taste your rain.
Your lips gently sink into mine.
Crushed velvet smooth and warm waking up the army of dead hearts ready for battle.
I am no warrior but there's blood painted across my sky.
Red sky in the morning, sailors warning, as I float on out into your turbulent seas.
Looking back on shore I realize that I'm finally home.

These seas roll uneasy.
Queasy.
Watching thru the mist towards our lighthouse that guided us to these depths
Trembling away like an afterthought.
The land has disappeared into the mouth of the shark.
Digested in the belly of a whale of angels.
Our sorrow holds us here, anchoring us to the tumultuous waves.
We battle our sea sickness with kisses of death lingering.
The soft pull of our exile turned oblivion.

Navigating with open wounds the silky expanse of midnight unwinding above us, within us.
Knowing us through and through.
An island of quivering vulnerability breaks the static horizon.
Lights, smog beginning to choke the sea air in my lungs.
Too long you've been left unkempt, grown comfortable.
That will change with new currents,
North winds bringing the frigid breath of winter.

Licking the sun off of the salty expanse of our sunburned red flesh.
The ****** of desperation lingers thru our moaning fingers
Feeling and pleading for our SOS call to be heard by anyone’s ears but ours.
The shores of this icy water leave my mind beneath the dredges of polar sleep.
We've grown strained, frost bitten, and distant in the few feet we are able to part.
The growling of hunger satiates our parched thirst.

I am rendered speechless adrift without you.
Hurricanes a coming.
Stand fast.
Secure the riggings.
Solaris brightens to light the way into calmer seas.
Those tepid shores of wonder and new beginnings fade into the horizon.
It's just you and me left to face the swelling tide.
Hang on.
The water is rising.
No one left to pull us saturated and insatiable from these waters of shadow and secrets.

The siren's song will bring us to our sharp shore end.
Resist the silky flow of nocturnal snakes wrapped around chilled flesh
Pulling closer to our aquatic hearts.
Hades and Persephone bond.
Glowing abysmal rage.
Holy grail veins.
Bleeding back into the orange crush dawn.
Night gives way to hollow rebirth
But once again we are inside one another.
Infinite.

These waves crash on overboard.
Trying to drag us back into the frigid depths with each ebb and flow.
With each crash of wave I can feel our resolve growing weaker.
The sensation of just letting go and giving in.
Should we let go and just give in?
Leave ourselves at the mercy of shipwrecks.
This hurricane dance we've perfected on the endless depthless ocean
Left us weak and willing to pull ourselves apart.
To taste our insides on the outsides.
How many times I've wondered have you noticed my stare.
The lustful licking of my sun blistered lips.
I want to taste the way you think and feel the warmth of your life to keep me alive.
The oceans call, I have heard, brings out the worst in sailors.
Always searching for the elusive siren to sing us a song.
A song from the depths of mythology to lullaby us away from our status adrift.

Our bodies collide in the tide once more.
Salted skin heated and torn
Latching on to something greater than just depths of starless prose.
You were a wicker man, weaved strong and whole.
I was a water girl, slipping straight through your bowl.
Wishes flow to and fro on tepid air laced with promises.
Our fingertips will never lose grip again,
the melody writhing between us like staccato heartbeats
Seeking solace on the endless seas.

*These waves rock us to shoreline.
Rock strewn and littered with the ribcages of whales
And the bows and sterns of shipwrecks long ago.
We pick up these pieces and hold them closest to our chest
Realizing the possibilities of a new home and a new start to this oceanic life we've drifted into.
We build a fire to warm our hearts and suspend our thoughts
Cradled and nestled in the crook of each others arms we leave our sea and our island
Soaring high into the clouds and the sleep we’ve begged for with our parched lips and swollen tongues.
Our dreams at night are the call of the sea begging to be drowned in our sand encrusted lungs,
To be one with us and our failures
The bequeathing cry of the seagull wakes us dully from our slumber
We peer out with sea salted eyes and realize it was all just a dream
We shout for help with all the voice we can muster
Letting in lungs full of icy ocean and dead crustaceans
Filling our bodies like bags of sand immobile
We’ve been sleeping with our anchors held closely
Down in the depths of the endless ocean rolling.