I'm scared that I won't grow up to make my parents proud
I'm scared that I will never find someone that I'll be happy with
and love
I'm scared that I will never accomplish what I've set out to do
Scared that I'll be a fake, a fraud
I don't know who I am and it scares me
I desperately want to fill a void in my life left by my dad
I'm scared that I will never meet him again
Scared that he won't want to see me
Afraid of meeting him for the first time
Afraid of what I might do if I do meet him
What if I do the same to my son..
What kind of person would I be
What kind of person do I want to be?
I'm selfish, insecure, angry and afraid
Afraid that my friends would leave me
Afraid of being alone..
Afraid that I am not as smart as I think I am
Afraid of spiders
Afraid of judgment
I want to be a Lawyer, but I won't be one
I want to be a tree climber, but that was for jokes
I want to be...
I'm afraid that I will waste my potential and become a joke
I don't feel accomplished in anything
I quit something as soon as it gets hard
I will leave you if I keep thinking about you
I am too affected by my emotions
**** emotions
I lack a good work ethic
I always take the easy way out
I'm always late
For class, for talks, for meetups
I can never control my self
I can never control you
I can never feel the way I feel about you again
I will not let you do this to me again
I'm finished.
Done.
Thank you for your time, I will remember all of the nights we laughed together
Your smile
Your eyes
Your walk
I hope I will forget you
But I won't
Because I'm stupidly in too deep
And it’s a long way up
I'm lying in bed, typing.
This will never reach your eyes
I don't care about the others, they can go **** themselves
I don't even care about you anymore
This is off topic
I'm not a topic
I'm not even a candidate
I'm just a friend who cares too much
Not about you
Why would I eve..
Ok fine, about you
I wish Twitter did not have a 140 limit
I am almost 2000 above..
Why do I do this? It’s 2 am..
This is helpful
No, it isn’t
****
I hide from my fears the best way I know how
I don't know how...
I lied
I'm a lair, but a really bad one
I'm a student, but a really bad one
I'm a brother, but a really bad one
Considering how I've never even met one of my half-sisters, and the little time I spend with the one that I do know
I feel left out
Abandoned
I have no father
I have no sister
And my mom is with my sister and dad all the time
I'm alone in this wonderful world
I wish I had someone like you
But not you
I do not want you
I lust for the feelings you make me feel
I want that permanently
But you have feelings too
And I respect that
I wish you the best
no, **** that
*******
**** this
fucktyler
I've been practicing meditation recently
Or trying to at least
I've been reading more as well
About how to expand love
To increase you inner circle to everyone
I realized that someone like me could never do that
I can never open up to anyone like the way I can open up to myself
Not even you...
Not .. even... you
I need to stop this
No more you, and definitely no more us
there never was
us
just you
and I never thought this day would come
when I stopped
But it did
And it was about **** time
One day I'm going to delete this
That is the day that I become enlightened
Free
From you
From me
If anyone ever happens to read this…
Talk to me