Wish I was more!
Wish I could have wowed her so that no fight could be to much!
Wish I made that much more of a difference in her life that I’d be the one!
I wish that a misunderstood truth was explained in detail! And not me seen as a liar!
I wish i didt even have this insignificant past ro be questioned!
Oh if only i wish!  
I wish I wish I wish
Hmmm obviously time has proven I am not anyone’s person that valuable! For wishes like these!
A reality I’ll have to somehow learn to live with!
Sadly i hope somehow there is hope but that seems to be just my silly wishfulness alone!
i wish i wish i wish

For Truth i began a fasting

Never have I fasted
But have started my pledge
Maybe a hunger strike without audience!
But if I can’t have this truth revealed I don’t want to be!
For it makes a far greater truth a lie too!
My love for her!
So it’s day two and feel no pangs!
Be it sobs feeding my existence I don’t know!
True I remain!

The truth shall set you free!
Free of what ?
I revealed everything and it only came back for me to be called a liar!
Somehow I need to believe that in truth all will be shown!
Oh but will she see?
Will pride prevent acknowledgement?
It will riddle me like a cancer this I know!
And true I’ll remain hers for I love her so!
Ill never love another i know this!
Although said before never be an eternity!
But i promised her just that!
And true ill remain!

.
.
.
.
    



are you death ?
are you death ?

who are you,
tiny voice inside my head
you are who ?
shiny choices 'round my neck

so, are you
noises i haven't bled ?






so, slow and blue
are you ?

who are you ?
the pain i haven't wept
you are who,
the pieces i never kept ?

who are you,
i dont think we've ever met





so, low and new
how are you ?

so hard to forget

so, clear and true
why are you ?

so far to regret

now it's in me too
so sharp to cut me through








so, near and few
shards, sharks and you


who are you,
tiny voice inside my head
you are who ?
shiny choices 'round my neck

who are you ?









why me, it's a riot in my head
you are who ?
screaming voices 'round my neck

so, are you still dreaming,
and nobody has found you yet ?

who are you,
are you death ?










inside my head,
inside my heart,
outside ripping me apart
are you death ?

so, are you
the ghosts i haven't met ?










what is true,
why do i see
the sun set ?

so, are you ?
the one who sets me free ?









if i count to three,
and close my eyes,
would you still be here,
with me ?

why don't you die,
are you death ?
are you death ?







now it's in me too
so sharp to cut me through

so, slow and blues
are you ?

who are you ?
the pain i haven't wept
you are who,
the pieces i never kept ?

what are you,
are you death ?
are you death ?

Why do I even bother ?
Oh this is not a poem to sway you with romantic words, no infact i probably won’t share this with whom it belongs.
No more an apology, and reallity check for me!
Oh but that be said without malice for you!
Rather all I do is ***** things up!
Even though I’d try my heart to make sure to get it right with every intention to make your day!
I’d get it wrong I don’t even truly know where I went wrong!
But somehow hurt you i did!
Thats more painfully riviting ro my core far more than you pushing me away!
Many words come to mind from pathetic, useless, idiotic. Waste of human space, and many more, sad to describe anyone as this sadder realising this of oneself!
Should have got right the first time and save everyone the waste of time!
Have had to get my head around not doing anything they call stupid for so long, i honestly strugle to find a reason to carry on!  For what? Why?
And mostly cant say it would stupid, no be thei ly thing i can  think would make sense!
To hurt the one i love no matter what i do ill ***** it up!
Hurting you is an unbearable thought!
How could i live with myself?
Cant see how i can get rhrough that
Let alone this pain!
You mean so much to me!
Ive said is take a bullet for you! (Die for you)
But would rather live for you !
Now if you not there?
Cant see much hope at all !
No where! All rhe general reasons everyone would usually morivate you with, would hold so little weight!
This pain be out of this world i try but  cant expain this be of magnitudes earthquakes couldnt measure on the same scale!
And somehow i try find that reason in fear of hurting other loved ones!
Somehow i rather find hope!
Not the hope youd think though!
Oh no this is hope that my loved ones (famil)  will understand this pain and somehow forgive me for my intention be not to hurt  them, but to find ease finnaly!
Comfort knowing id be not the reson orhers will hurt tomorrow!
Yes dark and dismal thoughts!
Or are they?
Are they not in other ways considerate?
Oh oh i lean to think so..