i'm stretched out thin
covering a thousand places
with the sun shimmering through my skin

rushing
with flushing
and burned out cheeks
hollow underneath my eyes
dried up tears like river creeks

trying to be the best
trying to stay afloat

weary bones,
i never rest

saltwater flooding inside my chest

this is not what i had hoped

without time
i discovered myself in my prettiest prime
clouds raining down flower showers
and only with you
heartbeats turn into forever hours

without touch
lingering fingers and such
physicalities straight redefined
incapacitated mind, I’m turning blind
rational thinking now staying behind


and still
without doubt
i cite one thousand whispers,
all that I‘ve vowed
all of my love
my whole being throughout

deep inside these aching bones
shattered where I feel them most
muffled, troubled, heavy groans
roughed up tears and tears exposed

green demon
disclosing
exposing
your sin
sometimes it sneaks out while wearing my skin

you love me, so you wouldn’t
or would you
i trust you, so i shouldn’t
or could you

accusations
fermenting built up frustrations
is it me or is it her you’ll *****

speculations
overbearing calculations
mass murdering the trust we grew

all i wish
is for you to know
that i love you with all my heart
and the thought of letting you go
makes me feel like i ate too much on a ride at the amusement park

after all this time
all that’s left of me
twisted and shattered spine

I’m right here
on all fours
just below your gaze
I‘m sorry. I promise.
I will remember my place.

after all my good intentions
all these honorable deeds
countless tender indiscretions  
that’s just me, I aim to please

i still get left behind
that’s when I feel so deaf and so blind
that’s when the usual dread creeps back
and again  
as usual
i go down on my knees to beg

your eyes
remind me of ashen fireflies
with circles around them, almost like
a monochrome sunrise
and your voice  
fills the skies
with clouds of coal and ice

your touch is made up of lies
am i not right
with your castle build up so high
it counts as vanishing disguise
and in your flesh, this demise
it should suffice
am i not right
to have you pay this price
the worst of all goodbyes

sometimes life comes easy
in-between the longing and the dreams
days passing by taste kinda peachy
rose-colored picture book scenes

red blinks of light
streets hushing by
at the corner of my eye
somewhat out of sight

bodies intertwined
sounds and lustful groans
no matter how much I seek
i never find

walking out at night  
withering inside my mind
wearing your clever
tender
skillful disguise

i lust for you
your nails and your deep end eyes
clinging onto my neck and
making me blue

i want you, too
don’t laugh like that
why won’t you trust me
i told you,
i do

if I could tear you apart
reveal the pathway right there above your heart
if I could split your body and soul
you know this, don‘t you
- you’d still remain whole

you’re more than a mere work of art
to see you have to stop looking so hard
to know you must relinquish control

only then, you shall remember  
from the very start  
it was never yours at all

i sense you in the symphony
running inside my bones
when our eyes meet

and i taste you in
that ice cold air
slumber winter mornings
oh
how i wish we were

my armies are dead
foul ghouls
black bloodshed
my land? it’s ill
all dark, no harvest, so many mouths to fill

the sickness has spread
everywhere
especially inside my head

and all i can do
to sit on my throne
a tint of royal blue

my servants are frozen in time, you see
they’re my ghosts
my lovely, little parody

it’s cold within these walls, you see
you better keep warm
they might eat you alive, these walls
consider yourself warned

and if you wonder
after all this time
why i’m still here
claiming what’s mine

i dreamed this to be, you see
this kingdom is my fantasy
my youngest wish and sweetest sigh
it’s not so easy
letting go
waving goodbye

and as my castle starts collapsing
and the rubble begins to fall
i start to ponder
start to wonder
what if this all
wasn’t just a dream, the exception to the rule
dreamed up by me
a lousy, unworthy fool
who just wanted to be queen
of the kingdom inside my head
just this one time
more alive
than dead

was there ever a cure
for this spell you put on me

air on my skin feeling wholly impure
and around my iris, floating only debris

me gagging at my washed out reflection inside your retina

real love means

your soul stripping inside my arms
unarmed
and me
welcoming you in
keeping you unharmed

my palm is cooling out
oasis turned into an arid drought
and as I lift my arm to reach again
you shapeshift into one of hundred thousand men

around my neck
your lilac mark

crown of salty skin and crust
rendezvous mute rush and lust

i am a wrung out work of art

high pitched ringing
all the angels in my head
they just won’t stop singing
my eyes turn drenching red

at least
the more I keep on clinging
the sooner I’ll be dead

all I thought
you were
all I thought
that we were,
all that could’ve been
with the line so paper thin -

now
it’s just a blur

sealed under an iron oath
signed out by our own accord
nothing much we could be hoping for

dusted
ligatures of our time
dematerializing right before my eyes

lost
between desert outskirts
and your desperate, sobbing words

still
tides of love and warmth
wash me back to our earth
your shadow glazing
comforting
and open arms,
this time unarmed
leaving us bare
and for once
unharmed

what we were
and what will be
no mountain or sea
would dare endanger
you know this
we’ve always been of a somewhat stranger flavor

a bond forged with urgent certainty
and our skin melting as one
fevering in boiling burgundy
tirelessly
under this dried out sun

aren't we all simply collections
of our inflictions
and weakest actions

misguided directions
assuming perfection
trying what we can to
keep up pretention

i wish we remembered
breathing
to live with momentum

fearlessly
moving mountains
entering eden
with welcome

bask
in molten glass
raise my palms wide to the mass
my time now to surpass
and take my throne in alcatraz

lingering feelings of love
I‘ve had it coming, I think
your touch turned into something rather rough
I don’t even remember
when you started acting so tough

now it’s time to let go
to stop thinking and wondering if you know
time to step out
against all of my longings and all my doubt

wish I could’ve stayed
playing your game, accepting the trade
my soul for yours
so that our story endures

against all your lures
all the debts I paid
all the moments we shared
rose colored promises you made

putting a stop to our beating heart
a mirage I held onto so desperately, right from the very start
but if that’s what it takes
my sanity, my worth as the stakes
if that’s what you need
me on my knees while I beg and plead

if that’s what you need
then I have to take my leave
laying to rest all that I believe
I now choose me
I choose to be free
and all of what
I once used to be

I am sinking like a stone
in pitch black darkness
deep waters chill me to the bone
until I hit the ground unconscious

sometimes
i find no words
i find no rhyme
pouring all my hurt
in a leftover bottle of wine

i have long stopped crying
about the monsters underneath my bed
now i’m reaching out
to their levitating faces instead

last year it all began
when cold deserted the land
creatures crept in through the walls
patrolling the halls unmanned

they don’t have arms
or legs or feet
tall enough to reach the ceiling
smell of rust and festered meat

pluck my hair out one by one
sleep starved me trying to rest in peace
screeching whistles full of fun
plan to tear me piece to piece

satan sent them from hell
to bring me back from sleep
little did he know
they’re now mine to keep