impressing
your breath on my neck was almost distressing
a matter of life
and death
and love  
couldn’t have been more pressing

now I’m drowning
in all the memories
of our bodies
suppressing
remembering your voice
****,
I cannot stop obsessing

with the silver lining beneath my eyes
and all the skies crashing down
you, my man, my love
how could you have lost your crown

****
me
god, I really tried
I left my pride and I cried and I lied
**** me
that‘s all you ever did
held on me tightly, rightly, oh so unsightly
and yet
somehow
I still never quite sufficed

spreading my arms and my legs and my skin for your charms
just so you could know love
just so you could feel unharmed

it was all devised
our unreal fairytale
how could I have been so stupid
how could I have been so blind

jesus
*******
christ

this pretentious war we face
isn’t won by running the race
pulling an ace
or
another pointless chase

it’s those moments
so sweet
choosing joy over greed
little actions so bright  
together, let’s
shine a light
for all to see
reminding you, kindly
that
love is all
there will ever be

the worst is not
the deepest down

the worst is not
to sink and drown

the worst thing is
the in between
not here not there
invisible
unseen

the worst it is
to know
- or not?

how terrible it feels
to never be sure

i still remember the days
singing hymns for death in a sunken gaze
my tights ******* in a noose so tight
and my arteries putting up the usual frantic fight.

hang in there, they said
and i did.
-
with unsure tread
between life and death
most days, shutting down, didn’t even break a sweat.

each step onward
like flushing sparks in obsidian dark
and hope kept blinding my eyes
while i continued stringing along my faithful surmise.

my dear readers, loved ones
what can i say?
honestly: where i am today
is a place i never thought i’d be worthy enough to attain.

... never pretty enough to feign vain.
.. never confident enough to complain.

and still, i draw another breath, all these other days
with colors eclipsing
feelings insisting
a will to live, befitting  
yes, finally

my life
is now

a life worth living.

Iong letters short
you dragged the curtains down
no droplets on cheeks anymore

it's not like you're gone
you're just next door
so why do I feel
like you're further than jupiter

i wish i was good enough
one of those infamous diamonds in the rough

instead
i sit here and write

i really wish I could rip off my head

you might feel small
hiding behind every corner and every wall
but if there’s one thing i’m sure of, let it be this
that you
are as bright
and endless
as the light of all stars
from all the way over here
to the corners of planet mars

i have a peculiar liking
for boys who put me in a cage for fun

since i'm so scared of being left and abandoned
i'd rather be eaten at once

envisioning blind
with a tongue twisted mind
my dress keeps on twirling
amidst a world that stopped turning