Breath hot,
Face speckled,
I braided your hair
Like wheat in a dust storm.
Your shoulders,
In a position of melancholy.
Not from a loose tooth,
Not from spilled milk,
But from a notch in the chest.
Just below the breast bone.
Soon there was thunder,
There was a pounding rain.
The weather was unpredictable,
Just like the seasons,

These days.

But if anything,
This told me.

It was not my turn to cry.

There is no true definition
For what we strive to be
For what we want people to see
And what we never feel.
Being strong is not a choice
It's a state of being
It's beyond seeing
And it stands high.

True strength is forced upon you
When you can't take it anymore
And life keeps handing you more
But you don't have the choice to fall.

It becomes a habit
Turns into who you are
No way to sway too far
Near the way you used to be.
No longer caring
You become cold
Now being bold
In the very worst of ways.

Because as I hide behind my pain
I push everyone away
And face each and every day
With a mindset of fighting alone.
My friends don't see it
The struggle and pain
With their stares of vain
Not breaking my barriers.

I know it's gone too far
"Strength" taking over my fear
I watch my friends disappear
And still don't let them see my pain.
But the words haunt me deep
"You wanna shut yourself in go ahead"
I feel him giving up on me
"I'm trying to help you"
"I'm sorry"