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i cried on my way to school today.
and i will cry again.
about teej.
about life.
about love.
about sadness.
about pain.
about the world.
i will cry again.
and i will bite down
on my index and middle fingers
and pretend they're a gun.
and the moment will pass.
and i will cry again.
and i will laugh again.
and i will feel happiness again.
and i will live again.

**and i will cry again.
do not read
my poems
if you will not
read me.

i jumped
from a bridge
and woke up
in the hospital.
apparently
the "DNR"
i wrote
in marker
on my chest
had washed away.
or maybe
they had washed
it away.
i left a note
and it said
"do not read"
as if
anyone
could ever
resist such
an invitation.
and all i wrote
inside was:
"what did
i tell you?"

["i love you."
that is what
*i told you.]
what are you addicted to?
What you on?
Oxycoton?
Percoset?
Methadone?
Vicodin?
****?

Xanax
Diesel
Dope?

Krocodil?

or...
Just jack and ****

they tell me *** is dangerous...
I have nothing today
and so much things to say

Did your best friend get shot 72 times on
Thursday?

On the woodpile
or
In the passenger seat?
Wife take everything
And leave you
After 30 years?

You homeless now?
Or just broke-in.
Did Your wife die:
An intentional dose of an incidentally fatal
Dope?

Did you husband-
An engineer for Ford Motor company
Get burned alive?
black
Was it you
who
found the ashes?

Did they throw you in prison
For your depression?

You have addictions
And a little help
But no music-
Ipods
are not allowed here
and
You are grasping at existence but
existance
don't seem to know you
no-more

Your still breathing
Though
You haven't failed at existence itself
yet

Impulsive
destructive
What chemicals are they feeding you
In your cages?

T.T. has 17
medications but
she almost got killed last night
Because she's allergic
to aspirin.

Are they treating you with
Risperdal?
Or
Lamictal like me?
Is it helping-
or making it ten times worse?
making
any difference at all?

It's called practice and we are
the test-tube

Jon's heart has been in defib 8-times
twice due to accidental overdoses
by doctors

We can have too-many
anything.

I don't believe in accidents
though
no more.
seen-too many
felt-too much

You self-admitted and
at least your still breathing
this place is full of madness but here at 1-east
we're still dreaming.

pax 2013
written two weeks ago in OLAP psych hospital, I'm okay, though, just hypomainiacical! Literally, a functioning Maniac! How cool!
I could drone on line after line

Splashing ink across a thousand pages
But still
I could never have enough rhythm and rhyme
To express

How terribly I miss you...

Pax
Somedays I feel the air is unwelcomed
in my lungs-as if to say:
stop breathing
you're not welcomed here
in this world
but still
compassion spins from the wreck as if to say:
keep turning, find the center
all is not lost, the purpose
is in the pain.
Some days I feel expressionless
So
I lay on my couches
Sipping some teas
Thinking on nothing at all
No smiles, no frowns
I just sit here and be
an expressionless me.
a poem for Jadey-Babe
Deep in the Jungle Shak we don't judge
Come Don come drunk
Come Jerry come Joe
Come eat some junk
And turn up the tunes
Here, in the Jungle Shak funk

Play me a blue
Make me a melody
Burn my toaster or
Just make love to me baby

We'll find those stars
Scream louder than the din
While we dance these streets
Finding the soul within.

Look here-at all our ***** feet!
Look here! This happy hopping hippy-shak
Where you and me
Can be a we.

Look at us
All our silly junk
Here, in the Jungle Shak Crunk.

bb
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony: If I Could Teach The World:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-DgZrIkw_Q
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