Steer stern
Steer Clear
Steer
As long as you
Steer ~ .. Clear....(clearlllyyy free )
AWAY....
from all this ...
*******!!

As a Human
I have done Many things I Feel *Guilt* for!
I Feel Pain from so Many things!
(the damnest of things..)

Memories of True Happiness! Memories which *Makes Life Worth Living..*

BUT,

We Are Só often Lost...
Because of Bad Ones..

* We are Nothing More than the Memories we keep...

Pain has a way of doing that to us
If it's left unresolved
You can Forget what you were Created for..
That's not something God wants for Any of us..

That's why we have our obstacles -
God is giving us Flying Lessons

Breath of Life
Creativity - Action
Breath of Life

Love is Meant to Exist
For Internal Relationship
That's All we Want
&
that's
All we Need...

Even if You Cannot See it

You are in the Centre
Of our universe,
LOVE & PURPOSE

As beautiful as All is
It is Nothing Compared
To This Love

Those without love
Need no more Punish


They Scar Themselves...

She changes

With the Moon & the Sun..

Who you think she is..
Whether it is when the Sun shines bright
or
when the Moon & Stars are smiling upon us...

~The Real~

behind all those different masks..
At different times..
Towards different relations..

Will be close to impossible

To uncover

from all those layers of
Self destruction
Self defences
Self protection
Self loath
Self love
Self Hide..

And /or any of the above!

Discovering who She Really is...

Will be the Greatest of Challenges
& Hardest of Tasks..

But the Most Exhilarating
Time of Your Life!

My planet is different I guess..
Where people are kind and struggles are real - but handled decently & maturely..
Where the pain subsides..
And DreamZzz are met..
Where love grows & blossoms daily..
Where rainbows still mean Hope!
And Tomorrow is finally  something to look forward to..

I firmly believe
Every phase
And every stage of your life
Calls upon a different name
Suitable to the character
You portrayed

Who I was back then
The image I portrayed
Has given you the wrong perception
And I only have myself to blame..

I'm not saying I was false
Deceitful surely not
Or made believe the feels

But since then
This journey has changed me completely
I'm no longer that person I use to be
Or the one you think you use to know

Change is inevitable
Change for the better is for the greater good..
So it needs to be embraced!!

Do not fear the party not taken
Do not fear the unknown
For then
It is the best opportunity
To learn and to Grow.

**** society
And what's socially acceptable
Embrace your Flaws
And shine your brightest light!

For you were  never meant to
STAY lost..

.....  But meant to be found  ....

You can never really find yourself
To Grow
If you do not go off the rails
And get a bit lost..

You need to be lost
In order to be found.

If found
You were never lost
And cannot  continue to grow..

Love is....
When you feel good

....  even during the hurt...


B. D. S

Why do you hate
Who you hate?
Or
What  you hate..??

You cannot stop Needing
Of that
which made you feel lesser
It is your greatest
Weakness
You look for it Everywhere...

...In Everyone

But those who acknowledge
The Power Within Us..?

Fear Us!!!

That's why they try
& DESTROY Us..!!!

See & Feel..
of
Everything around you...
Life. Death. Peace. Violence.
Between it ALL
You Feel BALANCE
Energy
A FORCE

And inside you
It's the Same Feel...
The SAME FORCE

The Force does not Belong to Anyone!

When the Force Dies...
The Light dies..

Under it All
Is a Dark Place
      BALANCE
1/2 Light
1/2 Darkness

The Dark Force is sò Strong
& Calling Me
Pulling me In

RESIST IT U MUST

But it is Something I NEED
& I Don't try & Stop Myself

The Fight between
Both Dark & Light
Has Never been seen or Felt Before

It's a Path to Self Destruction

Why is the Force Connected
Or connecting us?
We are One
Yet two??

A Soft Soul
&
A Monster
Both Feeling Sorrow
The SAME  way

The Legacy
is Failure
Hypocrisy
Too much light/  power
Makes Darkness Rise

Yet light
Causes
&
   Destroys...

But either way
There will Always be
... Conflict ...

Truly Believe
that darkness can be turned
Training them
Showing them New ways
But darkness still rises

We all feel like Failures
But it is not Us who fail
But those
Who Fail Us

And we all Need Somebody
... anybody ...

To help us Grow!!

And show us
Where we fit in
.. in ~ all of this

And yet
We
Remain
... Determined?!

Not to Fail!

So much Strength
Darkness Rises
&
Light to Meet it

The Stronger the Darkness grows
His Equal in the Light
...will RISE!

Have Faith & Trust
Within your light
Believe in Darkness
Then he shall follow

Not Wise enough to resist the bait

Soon all Resistance will be done ~
GONE
&
For You
All that is loss
You will always Remain Lost!!

If Light believes
Darkness will turn
That Alone
Shall Spark & IGNITE him
And he shall Strike
To ****
His True Enemy...
Darkness KILLS...
    DARKNESS
TOGETHER THEY FIGHT
Against all odds
Fighting as ONE
OBSTACLES & BATTLES
Increase severe
Strength be tested to its Max
TOGETHER THEY Survive
And
Go their Separate Ways...

It is in your Darkest moment
Your True Light IGNITES
EXPLODES through every Darkest Corner
And
Light Drives out every inch of Darkness

Maybe I woke to early
Or maybe I woke to noisy..
Maybe it was your ****** expression
Or the tone of your voice
Maybe its because I came clean...

Just the night before...

Maybe my soul was to naked
Maybe I was too honest
Maybe its because I fixed your watch
Maybe you were tired
Maybe just lack of sleep
Maybe we misunderstood
Maybe the moment was too deep
Maybe its because I pushed you
Maybe I was too angry & fierce
Maybe its because I lost my temper
Maybe its because of your marriage comment
Maybe its because your words cut deepest
Maybe its because you were hurt
Maybe It was Me hurting..
Maybe we're not meant to be together
Maybe my visions of forever were completely wrong
Maybe I've always been wrong...
Maybe I didn't love you well
Maybe I didn't love you right
Maybe was never good enough
Or maybe the pressure was just too much
Maybe I was never meant for this life.
Maybe I'm suppose to feel your loss
And maybe I was suppose to die

& feel so dead inside..

I don't know it all
or
what exactly was the cause..

But it sure as hell - wasn't something as small as going through my phone..

I finally broke down every wall for You

And you picked up every single stone
Just to throw it back at me.........

You cannot Always Be Good
       But
You Can Always
TRY
&
Do Good ~

Addicts will
Never
Stop using ~

Until they
Fill
whatever..
* VOID *
It is
They'e

....Missing ....

The demons we have befriended
The light we've found darkness
The Angles we've corrupted
The devils we made Cry

All of the men on earth
Not One
that's truly Living
This world has more horrific deaths
Than Hell itself will Ever Know

So Do
whatever
makes this hell
You're Living
Worth All Pain
you're enduring...

Rip me Apart
Tear my flesh

~ Dispose my soul

Let me bleed..

Until I am shaped
Perfectly for You!!

Because of you
I've learnt to
Punish Myself
       ... Alone...

Through the warp'est of ways
Each day we got closer to the right way
Through all the joy, hurt & the pain..
I still loved you the exact same way
(You are enough ~ for me ~ to stay)

Why just only enough??


Coz why do I want more & be greedy??
If I have just exactly enough?!
For anything less..
We both know we won't settle!

(So what if maybe  we are wrong?
Or  be warped..let is be right together)

Having just a little more
Can be seen as greedy
Just enough is just perfect
Coz just a little bit less..
We would be settling for
Mediocre...

So

Just enough...
Is
Absolutely
Perfect!!!

You're not

Perfect

But then

Perfect
is
the
Enemy
of
Good...

Our whole entire existence
We've been preparing the
The Day
Whether it is yours
We celebrating
Or my own...

We've been waiting for it
Expecting it
Since the first time we were born
Now the last day has come eventually

Whether you were striving for wisdom, knowledge, wealth, health or tender care..
Love...

Every choice you made up til now
Has prepared the legacy you now leave behind..

You may leave money
You may leave nothing
As long as you made an impact on those who are spared

Whatever it is
That brought your own personal
Success
I hope  you travel to your next destination
Content with life's despair..

Whether you drink
Whatever you smoke
Whatever you take up your nose
Or have to inject

I hope you leave this world
Knowing you did
...do your utmost best

You never stopped trying
Never gave up
You held on for dear life
Till it was enough

Before your soul
Finds its fitting place
Whether in chaos
Or at
.. peace...

Forgiveness is the key

Self love
Will set you free..

I do not understand
Why God made me this way
Two persons, personalities
Head and heart
One body...

Good and bad
Saint and evil

Heart of gold
And heart of stone

Compationate
Then ice cold

Loving and caring
To not giving a ****

Conviction. Contradiction
Wish one could win

Put all this confusion to an end

The darkness finally pulls you in
Whilst you lay there pondering about your sins

Knowing who you were before
Realizing what you have become

Embracing both worlds
Figuring out
Who would win...

You know who you want to be...
Falling back within
The darkness sinks you in..

Wishing these contradictions
Would just come to an end..

How did you become so weak
Yet strong in sin

Not ready for this world
Changes are so scary...

You don't want to be boring
Yet this life has no meaning

Once ambitious
Now just lost
Drowning in confusion...

Blessed are those
Who look with beauty in their eyes
Who strive for not wealth
But only happiness inside

Blessed are those
Who offers their helping hand
Despite their own struggles

Blessed are those
Who carry their own demons
Yet still wears a mask!

Restless
This body and the mind
Running away
With these thoughts of mine

Craving the dark
To find that peace
No one can offer but God

But where is He to find
When we wonder off alone to the dark

Why would he allow this evil
The pain some have to carry around

Why would He give us choices
Knowing we won't make the right one
And just regret it in the morning

Why would he allow
For the precious ones to be taken away so early..

I don't care if He wants His Angels...
What about us left behind??

He will not give us more than we can handle??
But why bring so much sorrow to our lives??

Staring down on all of us
Seeing the pain we endure daily
How much more should we deal with
Before we are left in pieces
 
Why break us apart
Leave us with broken hearts
Is this our awesome God???

Don't blame me for my questions
Unless you have walked my path

He has forsaken us
Truth be told out loud

But our silence is forever golden ...

He looks up to me
Like I am the best
Nothing I can ever do
Will make him love me any less

The beauty of a child's innocence
Seeing only good
Not yet scorned by this world

Loving unconditionally
Both big and small
Caring for all
Never want to take him out into this world

Wishing his beautiful little heart
Will always remain the same
Never get hurt
Never turn cold

He looks up to me
Seeing  only my best
When will he realize
All the **** in my head

Praying his eyes will never change
Seeing only the good
Seeing me forever the way he does now

I have so many flaws
Make so many mistakes
I do try my best
But will always fail

Hoping he will never hear
Any wrongs in my past
He will always hear my words
Of this unconditional LOVE

May he never cease to touch me lovingly the way he does
His little hands never pull away

May he grow up
To be who I believe he is
And never doubts that I only tried my best
Giving him a life filled with everything I never felt

May he feel loved deeply
Feel happiness from within
Feel the sense of fulfilment
Which I never received

My only wish in life
Is that my son
When he is grown up
To know the love I had for him
And with all my flaws, faults, mistakes
That he is the reason I have grown
My motivation to be better today than yesterday...

We get blessed with these precious gifts
Our kids
While we are still kids ourselves
Not having our **** together
Not been raised to grow up at all
Adults not even knowing the difference between rights and wrongs
Living life just coping
Barely surviving

How are we suppose to raise them
Without them breaking
******* up the one thing
That should be most important
For them not to feel the way we did growing up
Not to make the same mistakes our parents did

How are we suppose to school them
If we got tought the wrong way
Our childhood left us in pieces
How do I pick up the pieces
Whilst having all this responsibility
Still trying to find ourselves
And not **** up what we got blessed with
Always doing our best
Yet it never feels enough
Always failing
Not being able to give them the lives they deserve
Which we never had
What we still strive for...

We should raise them
I guess..
To be everything you will never be..

It's not you
It's me
I carry a broken soul around

Doing everything I possibly can
To fill the empty holes Inside

Give me what you got
I will take it all
Just to fill the empty cracks

This beating heart of mine
Weighs in heavy and hard
As it carries all these burdens
No one sees outside

Wear that mask
Make them proud
Die a little more inside..

Have to get up for work
In only an hour and a half
Put on my fake *** smile
Wear that mask
Everybody loves

Behind here its so dark
Sight is almost blinded
No one can see the tears in my eyes
Or notice that I'm dying inside

Get up let's go
Don't  forget your happy face
No one likes the ugly...

Darkness
Emptiness
Loneliness

Faithless

Sorrow
Pain
Grief
Loss

Love

These are the things that changes who you are...

Once you realize your own flaws
No one can use them against you
That is not true

You are your own worst enemy
Once those flaws are made visible
When they become clear to you
That is when you fall

Opening your eyes
To what have been
And what may come
Is the biggest mistake of all

You start living in fear
Not to indulge in the pleasurable sins
You become to scared to actually live

We are all human
And no body ain't perfect
Mistakes let you learn
They make you grow

Do not let the past be held against you
It is that what shaped you...

Been doing absolutely great
Emotionally and physically
Been great feeling like this again!

But being me...
Always seems to happen..
Always so weak!

Happy days and happy thoughts
Spontaneous and vibrant
Being the good me

But the other me
Just kicks in unexpectedly
Out of nowhere
I am weak

I love waking up
My son crawls into bed next me
Little birdy and monster kisses
Starts our day fantastically

Then she reappears
Changes everything
Dynamics to personalities..
She becomes weak..

Waking up is no longer easy
Dreadful to say the least
Fun drawn out of me

Miserable days
That lasts for weeks...

When will she realize this is not me!
This is who I do not want to be...

Will it be too much
To tell the world I don’t want to live?
Will they understand
Will I just be judged?

In a world so busy
Where I am so numb
Never thought I would get this way again…
This time I don’t understand..

I never wanted this
I believed in love again…
Now its all gone…
Again

No feeling inside
No tears to cry
No love to give
Nor to receive…

Will it be too much
To tell the world I don’t want to live
Will they understand
Or will I just be judged…???


this world is just too much...

Second passing in recent times.. and with everyone I had a feel of guilt inside.. I am now left with that 'what if' , should I have known? Could I have done something? What if I answered or returned that missed call?? I think we always take tomorrow for granted. Think we will have more time. Reality is, we don't!! We don't have time! We are borrowed to this world! So use the time you have! Make the best of it! Give all the love, support and attention you can give! Use your time! Use it wisely! Lovingly! I am so sorry.. :'( I am so sorry! I honestly thought I had more time!! And now again I have to say goodbye. That final goodbye..

I told you i love you
with every fibre of my being
When you left
You took all of me with you...

Now I'm left with an empty shell...

What will come from not making the effort...??

Nothing ~ absolutely nothing..

Till it all fades away
And  it becomes only a pigment of your imagination

Then you stand there and wonder  why          
But never made the time

And what will come from this poem...

Nothing absolutely nothing

I do not like your lips
Nor the way you smile  
I do not like your tongue
Nor the way you kiss
I do not like your ears            
Nor the stretcher you fear
I do not like your nose
Nor the way you smell
I do not like your eyes
Nor the way you stare
I do not like your hands
Nor the way you touch
I do not like your hair
Nor the way it curls
I do not like your clothes
Nor the way it hugs
I do not like your skin
Nor the way you sweat      

I do not like you any more
I don't know who you are....

     I do not like who you have become

As we walk through the forest
Hand in hand
Both with our white dresses on
The big orange moon up in the sky
Glowing of our beauty
Brighter than the stars
There we stand at the council
As we are blessed with the first day of our lives
The start of our future
As we say I do and kiss
Crowds cheering with tears of happiness
We sign the register just to make it legal
Never has it crossed our minds that one day  we will sign again
Just to make it final
As we walk our separate ways
The sun's reflection on the lake
Deep down inside
Wishing we still felt the same...
  As that moment at the alter...

Every day is a new day
And one day closer to getting there
To mend a broken heart
Yet every day is another day to add to the distance we spend apart

The mattress swallowing me in so deep I can feel my heart beat between my chest and the sheets
The darkness around me shadowing my vision for the future
The silence around me is so loud I cannot hear  a thing
My eyes are so blurry from the waterfalls streaming down my cheek
   My head is exploding from the overbearing thoughts of you not being here
My legs are so restless all they wanna do is run to you  no matter the distance
My hands pulling out my hair while I wonder why you left me for her????

I cannot even remember how I fell so hard for you
The one day I was moving house
The next I was madly in love with you
Sending you cartoon rainbows exploding into little red hearts... or was it visa versa??
Months went by
I was still walking on the clouds
Thinking earth  is our heaven
And God blessed me with an angel
     Then the devil came and stole you
Even took your memory
Then I realised earth is hell and here we will stay till the day we pass away
And maybe then ill get to the ports of heaven
And experience inner peace happiness      
But Till that day I shall embrace the hurricane in my mind and  storm in my broken heart

Her Heart is abstract art - it is Magic
Her soul is a masterpiece that moves like the tides..
She is the moon and everything around her the earth..
She lights you up like the sun and when you align you change the tides..
Her beauty is Enchanting!
she leaves a cosmic trail as she orbits around your thoughts..
She is chaos, but she is Your kind of Magic!!

I have grown so much these last few years
Changed myself into a completely different person
I have been sober for so many months I actually stopped counting..

I have taken different paths
Stayed in different places
Made different friends
Gone on many adventures

Yet your memory still lingers
Like I cannot rid myself of you
When I see your name appear on my page
I need to stop myself from texting you…
Just wanna know how you’ve been…
Do you ever think of me?

Its been so long…
And I am so different..
Bet you are too…
We would not even know each other..
Like strangers in the right place at the wrong time…

It doesn’t really matter
Being this new me
Has shown me real feelings
A love never experienced
And a pain I have never felt

It makes no difference to who I am
I am always the one who ends up with the broken heart
Can only wish you all the happiness I hope for…

From the start I said
I love you so much it hurts
Never expected this…

You broke me into pieces..
Yet I still love you so much
It hurts

I think about you every day..
Remembering the love we shared
And it really hurts

I hope she loves you the way I did
I wish you only happiness
Even though it hurts

I miss you every day
Our memories will never fade
I love you so much it hurts

Real love really Hurts…

I Failed Love
        again....
Or did Love Fail Me??
        again...

My heart can think it is a race horse
                                while my mind is running marathons..

But when i look into those beautiful green eyes..
                                 it all starts to fall...

The leaves carried in the wind
                                    moves in slow - mo - tion -

Then you put your hand on my face
                                   and start caressing my lips...
                  
                         It is Then...
                                   When the Whole World...
                                                   Just....
                                                          Disappears.....

One day I will write you poem..
With all the most beautiful words in the Oxford dictionary
Just to maybe get to express your beauty to me..

I still cannot comprehend
This beautiful love we share..
So unique – so rare..

Since I laid my eyes on you for the very first time
I never needed anything more again..
I am so fulfilled..

Can hardly believe the memories of my past was truly me..
You made me believe in the beauty of me
Made me see who I can be
For that I would be ever grateful!

You made me want to change in who I am today
To be this better person
To love you and treat you right!

Thank you for loving me so perfectly!
I cannot wait to become your wife!
And wake up next to you for the rest of my life!!

There's only one thing I would like to say
I'd love to give my sincerest apologies

I apologize for never loving you the same..
However, I need to thank you..
For showing me the right way!!

Without our dificulties,
I would never have grown!
Without me hurting you the way I did..
Without the way you just loved us both..

I would never have been able to really truly love the way I do today!!

Thank you for showing me the right way!

I did however, love you in my own way!
I'm convinced you know this anyway!

In conclusion,
I only wish you well! :)
Hope you find the love
I experience today!

T, you don't need to say a thing!

I am sorry ~ and Thank you for everything!

I can finally just let you Go..

I wish you well!
Be blessed with love & joy!
And true laughter in your heart!
You deserve it too!

The thought of no past relationship
Has crossed my mind since the day I met you!

You've been my blessing from above
The one who showed me True Love!

Solely changed my views on marraige
And building a future with someone new

This 'New Feeling' has me falling..
More deeply inlove with Life

Never knew a happiness like this existed
You made me see what love is

Dreaming of soft, caring, kind love
You proved it is real

A more beautiful love than ours
Is only found in heaven

I'm writing without thinking
These words are just flowing out of my heart!
Don't know if any makes any sense?
Or even has a rhyme?!

All I want to say is THANK YOU!!

THANK YOU for who you are to me!
And THANK YOU for loving me the way you do!!

<3

It came to me today
Saddest news i've heard all year

It sounds like you lost yourself..

The jump in your walk
The light in your eyes
The softness of your heart
Your happiness inside...

All the things i loved the most..

I let you go -
Hoping you'd be better off without me..

Now i just wanna hold you close..

Put your head on my chest -
Tell you its gonna be okay..
I will love you till the end!

Please - i beg of you!
Stand up for yourself!
Get your attitude back!
Be spontanious again!

Get up on your feet!!
I don't know you like this!

And LAUGH!

You deserve it so..

Im sorry for what ever it is
that brought you down like this..
If i had a clue
I would make a plan to contact you...

But this is the only way i know...