Been doing absolutely great
Emotionally and physically
Been great feeling like this again!

But being me...
Always seems to happen..
Always so weak!

Happy days and happy thoughts
Spontaneous and vibrant
Being the good me

But the other me
Just kicks in unexpectedly
Out of nowhere
I am weak

I love waking up
My son crawls into bed next me
Little birdy and monster kisses
Starts our day fantastically

Then she reappears
Changes everything
Dynamics to personalities..
She becomes weak..

Waking up is no longer easy
Dreadful to say the least
Fun drawn out of me

Miserable days
That lasts for weeks...

When will she realize this is not me!
This is who I do not want to be...

Will it be too much
To tell the world I don’t want to live?
Will they understand
Will I just be judged?

In a world so busy
Where I am so numb
Never thought I would get this way again…
This time I don’t understand..

I never wanted this
I believed in love again…
Now its all gone…
Again

No feeling inside
No tears to cry
No love to give
Nor to receive…

Will it be too much
To tell the world I don’t want to live
Will they understand
Or will I just be judged…???


this world is just too much...

Second passing in recent times.. and with everyone I had a feel of guilt inside.. I am now left with that 'what if' , should I have known? Could I have done something? What if I answered or returned that missed call?? I think we always take tomorrow for granted. Think we will have more time. Reality is, we don't!! We don't have time! We are borrowed to this world! So use the time you have! Make the best of it! Give all the love, support and attention you can give! Use your time! Use it wisely! Lovingly! I am so sorry.. :'( I am so sorry! I honestly thought I had more time!! And now again I have to say goodbye. That final goodbye..

I told you i love you
with every fibre of my being
When you left
You took all of me with you...

Now I'm left with an empty shell...

What will come from not making the effort...??

Nothing ~ absolutely nothing..

Till it all fades away
And  it becomes only a pigment of your imagination

Then you stand there and wonder  why          
But never made the time

And what will come from this poem...

Nothing absolutely nothing

I do not like your lips
Nor the way you smile  
I do not like your tongue
Nor the way you kiss
I do not like your ears            
Nor the stretcher you fear
I do not like your nose
Nor the way you smell
I do not like your eyes
Nor the way you stare
I do not like your hands
Nor the way you touch
I do not like your hair
Nor the way it curls
I do not like your clothes
Nor the way it hugs
I do not like your skin
Nor the way you sweat      

I do not like you any more
I don't know who you are....

     I do not like who you have become

As we walk through the forest
Hand in hand
Both with our white dresses on
The big orange moon up in the sky
Glowing of our beauty
Brighter than the stars
There we stand at the council
As we are blessed with the first day of our lives
The start of our future
As we say I do and kiss
Crowds cheering with tears of happiness
We sign the register just to make it legal
Never has it crossed our minds that one day  we will sign again
Just to make it final
As we walk our separate ways
The sun's reflection on the lake
Deep down inside
Wishing we still felt the same...
  As that moment at the alter...