I don't know you and you don't know me
And maybe that's how it's meant to be
Because when I knew you
It seemed as though there was something to do
But now that we're strangers, it seems that we're free
I from you and you from me

Talk about yourself,
He said
Talk about your past
Talk of things that came to be
And things that wouldn't last

Oh, talk about myself,
I asked
Is that what you'd have me do?
Talk about the disappointments:
All the movies, books, and you?

Talk about yourself,
Again
He said, with a sigh and a cough
Pull out the stops, and pull out the plug
And beat the machine 'til it's off

I discovered the reason why I deprive my mind of rest
It's so that the thoughts I never would think
On a normal, sleep-filled day
Will come to mind

Though it's pure torture to have my mind on until the young hours of morning
It's what I must do if I'm to dissect the structure
Of who I am and learn
Where I am going

Pitter-patter on my roof
Called for rain, and here's my proof:
That someone's got my number listed
To give me rain so I get misted

I was drowning in an ice-cold feeling
Trying to think; my mind was reeling
What was happening? I didn't know
I was pulled through with the flow
I heard nothing but my own heartbeat
Keeping time with my trudging feet
Where was I going? Time would tell
As I headed toward the dull, tolling bell
The time was night, the hour late
What end in store? What was my fate?
I didn't know, nor did I care
The wind cut through me, tossed my hair
Nothing made sense, but nothing really tried
It seemed as though meaning had fallen and died
I was peering through the world's facade
Seeing patterns like a god
And suddenly, it all made sense!
I was Past through Future: every tense!
Nothing more could be defined, nothing more to reason
And now that I was one with all, I settled in my favorite season

I accept the challenge
With open arms
And loaded gun

Can't bear the sight of smiles
When I'm like this

Follow my steps when I'm leading the way
If you linger too long they'll fade and decay
For as snow covers ground on the forest terrain
So shall my feet be washed out by the rain
If following closely then you shall receive
New things to ponder, more to believe
But if you aren't hasty and stay far behind
The places will soon disappear from your mind
And there you will stay, neither here nor there
Alone with the worry, apart from the care

I want to kiss you
So badly
Every **** day

Artemis, if only you knew
How you lift my heart

**** justice. I want ramen.

On cool nights, when the skies are clear
And stars afar seem bright and near
I look and see Orion's belt
Whose owner's protection long I've felt
My silent protector hangs high above
And I ask him politely to protect what I love
He doesn't reply but I trust him
To protect what I love 'til the dark grows dim

I don't remember what it was to be the old version of myself
And I count that as a victory
The first death I am responsible for
Quite possibly the last

It's a lot like living somewhere as a baby
And moving at an age too young to remember what the color the walls were in your old room
But you have pictures
You know you lived in a bright orange room
But you can't feel it
You can't go back to living in that room as a child because you are not a child and that is not your room
You are someone new
And the room is somewhere new
That is what it is to **** the old version of yourself

I don't know if I will **** again
I suppose none but killers know if they will **** again
I will **** only in defense of self
Self-defense will hold up in this court of law
My law
My court
My self
Judge, jury, killer, killed

I've never been one for goodbyes
I suspect I never will be
There is no need to say goodbye to something that is already gone
He was already gone, that old self
He received no 21 gun salute
He was no hero
This new self could receive such a salute
But I hope he doesn't need one
I'm fond of this new self
I don't want to have to **** him
I don't think I'll have to

But don't think I won't
Don't think I can't
Because I've done it before and I'll do it again
If I have to

I refuse to believe that I only exceled at poetry when I was sad
Because that just seems like ******* to me
But there were ways of making the words talk like they ought to that I just
Don't seem to be able to do anymore
There were days when I would read something I wrote
And I would step back and say:
"That was a good line in an okay poem"
I had a few good lines in okay poems

Yet now, I am not sad
And I have no good lines in okay poems
I have "meh" lines in "eh" poems
And I'd be more discouraged if I weren't so preoccupied
With being astounded at how much progress I've made
So I suppose, if by some strange transaction
I've traded ability for happiness
I'll give up the poems
And smile

Maybe someday I'll throw darts at pictures that aren't you

I'm keeping my soul in a little red book
The cover is torn up, it's true
Some pages fall out when the poor thing gets shook
But I'm keeping myself here for you

You lived for the days when you'd beg for death
Just to feel alive
You'd stand in the middle of the road, yelling
"Hit me, *******! Hit me, *******!"
You lived for those days
The days you scared the hell out of me
And you'd laugh
"I wasn't serious" you'd say
But I'd know you were
I'd know

Take a dive into the deep end of my mind
You'll find that there's not a lot that I don't drag behind
You see my skull is smeared with thoughts like a finger-painted wall
Like a ****** scab that clots when they miss you and you fall
And there's not a lot remembered, but there's everything I think
It's like stink I can't get rid of, a drink I know I shouldn't
But the bottle's empty and I start to drive
Not sure if I plan to make it out alive and it's five o'clock in the morning
But it might as well be one, for behind my eyes are flashes of all the **** I've done
And regrets pile on regrets until my office desk is filled
And the mind that fills the inbox is the one that should be killed
Or remedied or altered or driven from the skull
So the finger-painted walls can be shut down from show-and-tell
But no matter what I'm thinking, there's worse that's yet to come
For the brain is far from brilliant, the brain is just a dumb
******* ***** and with off switch in my hand
I pull the trigger, click the lights, and depart the living land

If I could change tonight
I'd wear pants, at least

It was a fairly good run, while we had it

Yo lowkey; I ain't ate ****
And I'm blacking out a little bit
The whiskey 'n' ale is making me dizzy
And my brain and my hair both are all frizzy
Got dollars in my pocket, my phone is dead
Sunglasses and an envelope; lotto blinks red
And I'm writing on a napkin, blank screens abound
While the stories coming out go 'round and 'round

I think one of my favourite things
Is being a shoulder pillow for someone
I know my shoulders are hard
And probably uncomfortable
So when someone uses them for a pillow
I try to stay still as possible
So as not to make the experience any worse
And I just enjoy it a lot

**** the police. I want justice.

Come on over,
I've got food!
It's alright if you
eat it all
I don't mind if you
want to watch tv
Just show me some sign
of you
not hating me

Love me, love me
Forever and a day
She says
But how can I love you
When I can't love
Myself
?
She has no answer
Because I never ask
The question

I'm too afraid to
Admit that I may never
Be able to love anything
Or worse yet
That I never have
Loved

Passing through it seems to me
Yes passing through you are
You're extremely beautiful,
If only from afar

It’s been half-past Forgetting You
And this broken watch goes ticking
A time bomb of its own and now
I’m drinking by myself
I’m drinking by myself

For [x] years now I’ve gotten on
Moving forward like you’re doing
A conveyor belt of feelings
I’m thinking to myself

I’m thinking that
     As we get old and moldy
     Will the rocks remember us?
     Or will they roll forgetting
     That these naked apes once        
      loved?

A quarter ‘til Find Someone New
And this half-wound watch needs fixing
Keeping time all by its lonesome
I’m thinking to myself

I’m thinking that
     As time turns like a turret
     Will it cast its gaze on me?
     Am I small as god is small
     Ubiquitous, forsaken?

Can’t you see? (I’m brand new)
Can’t you see? (I’m reformed)
Can’t you see?
Can’t you see?

I’m thinking that
     As I grow old and ugly
     Will this rock still be my friend?
     Dust and ash and rib I am
     But who will remember that?

I’m thinking that
     As time becomes my comrade
     Will we fight a wicked fight?
     Or will we become traitors
     And destroy ourselves once more?

And it’s half-past Forgetting You
It’s a quarter ‘til Find Someone New
This broken watch keeps ticking on
But I, I have turned off.

Fighting is a young man's game, begun by ancient men
Who instigate and **** so they can all feel young again

I lick my fingers after they've been
inside
I picture your face
Sticky sweetness on my tongue
Desire rises hot within me and my fingers
return
Dipping into your jar of jam

Not saying I wait for you, though it's the truth

Stop talking about the best thing
I dare you
There's something to be said for
The fear of it
Fading

I know not where my path may lead
Nor why it may lead there
I do know that along this path
I'll have to cut my hair

So here's the knife, Delilah
Make my 'do less-than-long
But give me back my blade for when
I'm no longer this strong

For then I'll call upon the gods
Above, below, and deep
That their strength may attempt replace
The one I cannot keep

A cut of hand, a mighty yell
Strength and I are fused
And down this path I barrel on
By false love, I'm abused

I know all this, and yet I go
The rest, to me, unknown
And somewhere down the path I trail
I wind up not alone

So the sun hides, and you think nothing of it
The stars lose their luster, the moon fades to black
And you stand there alone, in your thoughts in the rain
Thinking how long 'til darkness takes root in your brain
But behold! There is Hope. . . floating by with another
And Patience rides past, and there in your mind
A question is born, and escapes from your mouth:
"What has been done to make all go south?"
Yet rain does not answer, nervous sun hidden
Moon and the stars pretend they're unbidden
So you remain, in the rain without answer
Learning to live as though bereft of love
Cold from the feeling and the darkness above
"Hold on," says the cat "hold on," he repeats
You make a fine pair: Helpless and Ignorant

I am a born-again believer in me, in we, in us
I trust you and I will fly so high we forget the meaning of the word stand
Hand-in-hand we will be above both land and sea and our floor will be more air than comparisons of trees laid down
Hey— I know you, I’ve seen you before
Not in trouble, no no but still in my corner
The girl you were, should I warn her?
That we are about to fall irrevocably, recklessly in love
I’ve been in jams before but never in something so sweet it makes me wonder what makes you
Stick with me, it sounds like a pup explaining his carry-on before boarding but if you’d just be mine and dine on promises and wine with cutlery so fine you feel you ought to rub away your fingerprints before they notice who you are
You are the light that makes the day go ‘round and shove itself into the ocean each night, embarrassed to be outshone
Out here there’s nothing to rub away
Your fingerprints burn searing brands on my soul and you make me whole
I’ve got holes in me like the lid on a pepper-shaker, the flakes keep dropping out, but you close them up and I can’t help but think of my suture with you, the future is ours, sew
Onward to new horizons
You and I will rewrite the stars
What, like it’s hard?
The fabric of spacetime is just that, sew
Bunch here and there and make a scrunchy outta time
Bring it back and take back the now
Blend fashion and function into one and oh what fun we’ll have being old and new all at once and together
We weather the storm because there’s no Halle for this Berry and no bunny’s coming close to this Bug
It’s you and me over land and sea
Like those pocket monsters, I choose you
I believe in true
Love is here to stay, okay?
Take my hand and sail with me
Fly with me
Above land and sea

I am a guerilla warfare tactician in a state of fight and flight;
I drop words and phrases like cheap explosives
And I head for the hills when the chickens come home to roost.
99% of all things I have ever said are extinct in my memory,
Having died there almost immediately after their conception.
I am a walking mausoleum of thought, well populated,
And reeking of neglect.
I try to remember, but for the life of me, I can't.
I've forgotten what I meant to say, or if I've said it already.

Just wait, because someday I'll be old and feeble-minded

And as I sit and stare in a hospital chair
Catching the eye of the nurse walking by
I'll wonder, "Do I know her? Is she my daughter?"
And I'll pretend 'til the end I've the answer

Thoughts are thoughts and shall remain
Until the mind cannot contain
And then the thoughts will be words
Free and flying just as birds

Think in terms of poetry
Not in terms of you nor me
Want to be a lyric ****?
Think in terms of all that is

Spending the day with you sounds lovely
And the cuddles that come before
will surely keep me warm throughout
The mildly cooler day
The whole day's planned, and I'm excited to roll
Ready to be the second bit of sushi
On your plate of bed

Tell me naught of fate, and tell me naught of stars
But if you must, enjoy the sky that hangs above our cars
Then tell me how you feel inside, and how the night affects
Or if it doesn't, tell me that, and as we crane our necks
To see the clouds wherein our heads
Had made their home above our beds
And dreaming dreams, there they had stayed
Until attention had to be paid
And as we view these vapor ghosts
Who to our dreams used to play host
Remember how you used to be, remember who you've been
And how it was your caring self pulled me from brink of sin
Fate be ******, no stars aligned!
Above, below, no contract signed
For sure as I stand here, alive, and sure that sky above
Is teeming, filled with satellites that have heard the meaning of
A life bereft of interference, yes, sure as they have heard
Sure's the fact this life I pilot is floating like a bird
I dip in dreams and land feet-first
Accept consequences, best or worst
For all thrown at me, so I've learned
Is everything my actions earned

You’ve been moved two tiers, eh?
Underfoot you feel a table
And you are, for them
You had been a diminutive seat, but
Have been hereby promoted to ottoman.
A fire hazard you may present at present
But a greater gift to weary walkers than an
Ottoman, there is yet to be.
Count your cushions, and your lucky stars
Will find you warmed by heated sitters
‘Til around comes a professor
A second scolding to deliver
And an ottoman to demote
To lowly seat.

Avoid the stares
They all know you should be dead

I dream as though my eyes have gone
I creep and grasp at walls
And blood drips down my borrowed hands
I've found in hospice halls

Can you see me as I'm dreaming?
Or am I lost in space?
Don't tell me
Don't tell me

My days are filled with listless strolls
The nights I dream I'm blind
I toss and turn with sweat-soaked sheets
That tangle, strangle, bind

Can you see me as I'm dreaming?
Or am I lost in space?
Don't tell me
Don't tell me now. . .

A thousand drops of madness
like rain fall from the sky
A thousand seeds beneath them
sprout forth, and by and by
The sprouts beneath the rainfall
look more and more like you
'til the rain I know is timeless
and the picture just us two
The painted brush of Rembrandt
in death cemented be
Still he captures in this portrait
a picture of us three
A thousand drops of madness
A soil of willing faith
And you and me, close as can be
Our quest that of a Wraith

Rain and I fell, as if we had the right
And now we're left alone and side-by-side at night

I spent a lot of time on you, and that’s my fault.
Should’ve been more pragmatic with my temporal currency
I’m not a millionaire in that category, not yet
In any category, for that matter
I guess I never thought it’d be an issue.

Here’s the thing: I thought I thought I thought
I loved you.
Jeez. That’s a thing you should know, you know?
Something I thought I knew
But I was wrong.

It’s been a while, but memories come up
This time of year; this month
A lot of things happened this month, a lifetime ago
And you were in some of them
On the fringes, casting glances askance
Hoping I wasn’t watching
Knowing I was.

Like, I had a title— you gave me a title
“Give an inch” you know?
But I held my end until I couldn’t
And you never did.

I thought I loved you
I was wrong.
I know I love her
Because it feels nothing like before.

I wonder if you know what love is
Or if you only know wanting
The emptiness that comes from
Needing a foundation
Needing a stable parentage
Needing. . . someone to take up your burdens
Telling you it’ll be alright
Telling you you’re fine.

Needing someone to take up my position
I was a mechanic:
You’d take your problems in to me
I’d fix them up
And I wouldn’t charge you because
You were my favourite customer
I was never more than a stop on your errand run
If you could fit me in.

It’s upsetting, because so much of my temporal capital
Went to someone who didn’t appreciate it
Someone who could replace me
Someone who did replace me.

I don’t know why I thought I loved you
Maybe proximity gets you confused
Maybe familiarity gets you confused
Maybe maturity pulls back the curtain, throws light on our idols
Shows them for the half-starved lions they are
The manticore illusion dies.

I’ve been spending my time better now
With better people
With people I love and who love me.

She loves me; you didn’t.
I win; you lose.

I don’t think about you all that often
But when I do
I don’t get angry
I don’t think about you all that often
But when I do
I hope I don’t ever have
to make small talk with you

I don’t think about you.

But when I do
I hope reality shows you a mirror
And you peer into your actions
Remembering the people you chased away
The people who left you for greener pastures
And as you carve the tallies into the mirror
Marks of the ones who’ve gone
I hope you see that they are going toward happiness
And that you are living in unhappiness
Spinning webs of negativity as you
Verbally abuse the ones you “love.”

I hope life bites. And I hope you know
That you gave it the teeth to do it.

The moody boy in me died but the broody boy lives on
cos he thinkin bout the way you think the moody boy be gone
And he gone for sure but broody boy he think you don’t want him
so he brooding on the moodiness he think you got him in
Broody wants you to feel loved like maybe moody couldn’t do
and he wants you to know the love he got for you is love that’s true
He wants you to know that at very least if you feel so all alone
then brood on him a moment cos he got you listed as his home
Yeah broody boy alive and well and he think you mighty fine
like a gal that’s worth excavating for to build cellars for her wine
If there ain’t nothing else left in this world for you to take and hold dear
Just know this broody boy loves you so and he’ll whisper in your ear:
“We burn long and bright and through the night to the other side of the day
The eternal Yule log we light to fight and keep them bad spirits at bay
And it’s you and me, we the earth and sea, we the flames and wood below
We here to stay and ain’t going away cos it’s those bad spirits have to go”
Maybe he’s broody and maybe still moody but put a cap on his *** and see
That the boy inside loves that girl in you and he’ll love eternally

What does it all mean?
Someone once asked
I smiled to show
I don't know