I pace back and forth
Thoughts all fixated
Alcohol, harm, love
Lightheaded, stumbling
The need for someone intensifies
The wanting to be alone grows
The crave for it to end overwhelms

its 3 in the morning
pills in my hand

its 3 in the morning
im crying my mind

its 3 in the morning
im laying down

its 3 in the morning
im not breathing

I'm depressed, "It'll only take three years," they said. Hahaha like I'm going to last that long, but then again the rush of feeling everything leave my body is enough for me to stay.

a breath of fresh air
now im stuck in a snare

a cry for help escapes
a sigh for every breath i take

every drop of blood
flows into a flood

the darkness envelops me
the wretched screaming
the painful tears
the cry for help
but all was met with a crack of a whip

I wake up wishing that every day will be filled with sunshine
Instead of being blessed with my wish, I'm cursed with this feeling that eats me from the inside
Making others smile makes me smile and feels amazing knowing that I put that smile on their face but why does it feel fake?
Why do I feel like they're just faking that smile?
Did I upset them? Did I do something wrong?
Thoughts will rush through my head and they won't stop
No matter how much work I do, the thoughts won't stop
Seeing people sad or unable to be happy makes me feel like I don't deserve happiness
What's happiness when others can enjoy it?
Just thinking about failing someone breaks me
And just when I thought my heart was getting back to being whole, it shatters
And this time?
I deserve it, I deserve to be in pain, I deserve to suffer
Even then, slowly breaking each day, I will still put on that smile and tell others I'm okay and still try to make them smile
Because helping others is my sin
It's my atonement for being selfish
Is it not?

breathing heavy
barking dogs

blood dripping down my face
running for my life

looking behind
theyre still there

hearing a car horn
everything goes black

your words are like a spell
they got me compelling

youre a drug and im addicted
i cant stop this euphoria

i want nothing more than to feel the high
i want it all too myself

Each breath I take, the more my heart beats
Anything you say is music to my ears
The more I stare into your eyes, the more I get lost
Your touch makes my nerves go crazy
The taste of your lips makes me feel at ease

Each breath I take, the more my heart tightens
Anything you say makes my ears bleed
The more I stare into your eyes, the more blind I become
Your touch makes my scars hurt
The taste of your lips makes me uneasy

Each breath I take, I get closer to death
Anything I say can not make up my feelings for you
The more I stare into my heart, the more it makes sense
Your touch is not an antidote to my numbness, but it is poison
The taste of the rich, ironed, blood flowing down my lips is nothing but a sign

im not that great, im not that smart
im not the cutest, im not the funniest
im not the best, im not the worst

youre smart, youre funny, youre quick-witted
and youre flawed, youre very flawed

is it because of those flaws, that you chose someone else
is it because of those flaws, that they understand you more
is it because of those flaws, that you dont see me for who i am

or are you not flawed at all

am i the flawed one?

I can't stand it! I need her! The way she comforts me, the way she sees me! Everything about her is so ******* forbidden! I just want her to love me without having to worry! She makes me feel like I can take over the world..... She makes the shadows go away...










I just want her

Trapped in that empty void and then I'm suddenly here.
A desolate forest, with each step I just go deeper.
No matter the tools I have, I always end up lost.
When am I able to leave? It's a question I ask myself every day

Love is a mirror. one wrong move and that "love" becomes nothing but a fractured fairytale

**** love **** caring about someone
**** morels **** feelings
**** crying **** living

the reflection of my eyes stare deep into mine
the tightness of my tie threatening to strangle me
the numbness rain hits my umbrella, traces down my nose

the suit and tie covers your cold corpse
that same smile that you had when you first saw me plastered on your face
you look so peaceful, content with your life now at its end

the cold air, the cold rain, my body is so cold
but my tears are so warm, running down my face
the silent sobs heard, my heart tightening with each gasp

the tears from everyone, the laughter of memories being told
the happiness of everyone thinking of you
that's what you are

youre nothing but a memory to me
and i hate myself for that
that is why i chose to place my rose on your casket

i dont want to hold onto my pain and sadness
i want you to feel my love for you
with this, i hope you can see the type of person ill grow up to be
as you watch me from heaven

no matter what i do
i feel like i hurt more than i heal
i couldnt save someones life
i have to live knowing that i couldve done something
everyone says im a good person maybe thats what they see
but what i see?
i see someone who cant do anything aside from hurting others
maybe thats who i am at heart
but is that who i want to be?
no, i want to be someone who can help others live and do better than what they could before
but i cant really do that if im not doing anything

The sound of beeping fills the room
The bright lights pierce my eyes
The weakness in my nerves
The tube down my throat
Even with all that
One thought remains
"I can never do anything right."

i open my eyes
everything burns

i close my eyes
i tend to learn

i open my heart
everything crumbles

i close my heart
i tend to mumble

Every night feels the same. The struggle to stay asleep, thoughts running wild, thoughts of you, thoughts of me...
It's going to run amok sooner or later.

The moon shines bright
The wind howls emptiness
The sound of leaves rustling

A man standing, staring at the sky
His throat hurts, screaming his heart out
His pain never heard

A gun resting in his hand
Nothing can be heard but a single soothing voice
"It's time to come home, my son"
*Bang

Life's like a cigarette
Once it lits the euphoria invades my lungs
The memories I once had of you, now gone

This cold, winter night is nothing without you
I miss you, but you're not here and I accept that
This cigarette is like you

It only can be lit once

At first glance, love is something we all adore
It's something we crave...but why?
All love is is just a strong affection for someone and wanting to be with them
We all crave it, some more than others or some hate it so much
And then there's people like me
Someone who has been in love more times then they could count...or they just don't know about it
Love is so powerful that it can either make or break you as a person
And because it can, we fear it and become so blinded by the fear of rejection that we do anything to keep that pain away
When you fear something so much, you're afraid of confronting it
Instead of talking to your partner
You fear them
Why should you fear someone that makes you feel so amazing?
It's simple
They can break you in so many ways than you thought were possible
Do you still want to be in love then?

i repress everything and thats okay
emotions are nothing but a hinderence
they are just a blur
or am i the blur?

the blur that i reflect inside of me
it only burns me more
but ive been burned before
is that it? am i just going to be burned?

I don’t get what I want and have daddy issues and don’t know how to be a man and grow up.

I hate myself so ******* much. I just want this to end.

The void in my stomach
The insatiable hunger
The longing to be full

The pit in my heart
The boiling anger
The cold sadness

The electricity in my brain
The shock of thoughts
The action of giving up

Blades clatter, thrown to the corners of the room.
The cries of pain echo through the mind.
The blood drips like tears.
The brain begs you to stop.
The heart yearns for the pain to end.

wake up with a smile.
walk out with a smile.
go through the day with a smile.
lie down in my filth.
let my smile falter.
let the pain out.

Every day seems like the last
Barely rested, pill down my throat, wondering when the next argument or fight starts.
Get through the day with the shadow lurking behind me yet it feels like it's not there.
I shower, steam filled the room, the scorching hot water on my back yet it still feels so cold.

holding my grace
i run the race

my thirst cannot be versed
therefore i am diverse