it hurts when he looks at me like that
smacks a scarlet S on my forehead
doesn't see I'm broken
no, I've got a frayed soul
black holes burned through by cigarettes of past lovers
from druggards like him
I still tug the ashes over my bruised shoulder
and my tired heart hardly protests
imprisoned in nostalgic melancholy
he doesn't know how I fall hard like the disgraced angel
how I'm scarred and buried under the blizzard over and over again bleeding into the frost how I try and stop myself from the perpetuating pain from circling down the same track into oblivion gasping for sweet air grasping for the stair handles only to slip even further
and I can't.
I can’t stop myself.
because I crave the rush
addicted since the first drag when my lips touched his in naïve affection
and the aftermath
it’s an apocalypse…
I'm sorry if I burned him
or you
my fingertips
my warmth
my love
it's a raging fire
desperate for oxygen
I hold on tight and let go fast
I'm sorry
in advance

passion igniting in a firework display of soft caresses and heavy breaths

it wasn't really happening but I felt the way my body craved the touch of another human being and my skin tingled and my heart was exploding
it was as if I were frozen in time at the steepest part of rollercoaster
I felt pain in the absence of you
pleasure because you were growing evermore in my soul
and I was on an incredible high

I let go of the crisp dollar into his cap and across from me a black couple starts whispering
smirking
shifting eyes back and forth between themselves and me
sneers slip off their faces and circle my head in a black dementor fog and my cheeks burn red in shame even though I know I shouldn't feel that way cause I've done a good thing
or have I?

chapter I
when did flirting become affection?
think about you every minute
millisecond, I say
nanosecond, he winks back
so much distance between these bodies
yet our souls feel more intertwined
than the strands of braided hair

chapter II*
it's supernatural magic how in a state of glaring anger
I can think of him and gaze at the frosty azure that never seems to float away
and my heart drifts into a sleepy lullaby

affection, it's a funny thing.
the way it touches people, the way it can feel so infinite and then disappate
all at once in another moment.
the smile it nutures onto your face, and the nostalgia that seems to pull me into a melancholy basin of memories
I've felt such deep affection for a number of people
but it seems
I can only love
a few at a time,
at most.
it makes me terribly sad that
I can forget the affection so easily,
how lonely and painful
it must be
to wait for the person you love and never
see their face again
I wish I didn't have to hurt people
like that