The test is a precaution
The doctor thinks it wise.
Is there something that he knows?
I try to read his eyes.

Fourteen days of agony,
The world's not like before,
Things that used to bother me
Don't matter any more.

I think of what might happen.
Could I be near the end?
Don't want to scare my loved ones,
And so I just pretend.

Now the fateful time has come,
The call is very brief,
My test results are negative.
I shed tears of relief.

I hate you.
I hate that I think about you
I hate that you don't think about me.
I hate that little things remind me of you
I hate that you forgot about me.
I hate that I talk about you
I hate that I cry about you
I hate that I still care about you
I hate that you ignore me.
I hate that I know you use me
I hate that I let you use me.
I hate that your still on my mind
I hate seeing pictures of you
I hate hearing about you
I hate being interested in what you do.
I hate texting you
I hate that you don't respond.
I hate thinking about you every day
I hate the disappointment you bring
I hate the sadness I feel.
I hate that I can't have you
I hate that I can't get away from you
I hate that I don't try to.

I hate it when I can't enjoy a song
because I'm using it
to block out
the yells.
I hate it when I have to use words like a shield.

Aesthetically speaking
This darkness is ideal
Cascading shadows swallow
A distraction from what’s real

Coldest of breaths inhale
Autumn’s least subtle surprise
October 2:45 AM
Softer memories behind closed eyes

Oh, what it would be like to forget
Taillights faded into dark
What I would trade for a little bit of warmth
In both the weather and my heart.

What am I doing?
Am I throwing him away?
Am I scared for someone to love me,
when I believe there isn't anything to love?
Loneliness can drive a person mad.
Is there someone there to love you, when no one else does?
Does that person really exist?
In a world where cruelty is accepted as
normality.
It hurts more to believe than to accept.