Some people are hard not to love,
Like Ernie
Ernie and I just got a fire going good in his backyard.
Then he went inside, and left me alone with it.
Saying, "just enjoy the fire. When you want to come inside, come inside. But just enjoy the fire."
Friends like this are few and far between, I know, I have a lot of friends.

My life is a mess. My nails are a mess. My relationship is a mess...
And i,
just needed this fire tonight.

Someone said to me recently,
I have a way of writing things poetically.
And maybe it's not poetry, exactly.
But as the fire burns,
and the embers in me turn...
I know I feel much more at peace.

Payday.

I feel broken and beaten down and antisocial. I wander aimlessly through Walmart trying to find snacks for lunches to pack. I make my way from cookies and crackers to liquor turn left , electronics, uninterested. I find myself looking at luggage and backpacks, and then into the camping section.  Grab some paracord, seems like I always need that. A pocket knife, only five bucks. Then, I'm looking at sleeping bags...

I'm lost.

Lost and knowing I'm lost, in a world of normalcy that doesn't suit me. I leave the grocery store with a bag of granola, because I only know how to pack for hiking and train rides.

Two more months of harvest left.

Bobby the cat sits in the yard outside,
with a ****** of crows on his mind.
Seven to be exact,
perched in a tree up high.
As Bobby,
down below in the grass where he lies
never flinching an eye, just stares wishing...     Wishing he could fly.

I,
made my bed.
I put prickly pear jelly on toast,
with an egg.
I ,
get me a coffee with lots of sugar,
and roll a cigarette.

I smoke, and watch,
and write and think...
And I see,
A little too much of Bobby the cat
sometimes, in me.

A wounded heart makes
no pleasant sounds
Sober fools can write
sweeter words down

A thousand miles can seem dizzy
but 8 thousand, barely shifting
Salty sea waters of morning sway
longings of big ocean home waves

Loss is temporary
BEING lost is not
Drifting by choice
until options forgot

You've gotten complacent, desensitized, you loosened your grip, gave up too much rope, and let the shade slip
so far down over your eyes that you can't see, we've been steadily losing ground while their grip was tightening.
Everything is now monitored and regulated, step for a moment outside their system and you'll really believe it. What they pay, is what you'll eat. What they offer is all you see. Pacified and cradled, why would you ever leave.
We shoot bombs in the Sky , Let's hear your game time warcry scream , while every radio at the display is perfectly im sync. Explosions shock nerves, and like a call in response, the words you mindlessly sing , "proud to be American where at least I Know I'm Free..."
When at night,  in your privately owned car,
or under shade on a hot day in a public park                                 You can't sleep.

There's no more human rights to speak We The People have lost to another country yet again controlling

My head still stings from the drink last night,
I try to say "I'm sorry," but can't seem to do anything right .

Louder than any broken screams.
Is how it feels when she won't look at me.

...

She asked, "Is there a history of abuse with you?"
And I didn't know what to say...

There's always been that thing, like a cloud that won't go away.

Both sides of my family got it, we'd just pretend like it's something other than what it was...

There's burns all down my arm I try and cover up, with a tattoo now that says,
"Pain never hurt me     like love."