When I look at you Id like to
think the frown is temporary and the
tears in your eyes are from a
flick of caught dust
Id like to believe you wear sweaters
even during summer
because you had an odd shaped
birthmark

   but what i know is, that frown has
been temporary one to many
days and the teary eyes from caught dust is actually from the
abuse of words and i know
you wear sweaters even in summer
because the texture on your
skin is from the kindness of a razor
blade

and as the blade digs deeper id only
like to believe flowers grow
upon the next mark
youve made

and i only hope one day,
flowers wont grow just
there but everywhere.

I write poems, but I'm not sure if that makes me a poet and whether my writings are poems or just fragments with a similar ending pattern.

I'm not so afraid to lose
you anymore
and I am not quite sure why
that may be
perhaps its from the constant
leaving of the people I love
most
or maybe I no longer love
you as i did before
and that makes me afraid
because I do not understand
how you could love someone
so unbearably
then not at all

You use to make me feel
full of butterflies and pure love
now you make me feel
dull and
empty
I could feel the distance even
when your arms are wrapped around
me tight at night

As I lie here thinking of all the reasons
why i may not love you any longer
I cannot seem to come across
one because sometimes you could
love someone so unbearably
and then not at all
being with you has made me
understand that is true

When you awake
you'll be left with an empty
side of the bed we once
made love in
and a note I left that says:
"My dear, understand this was best
for you and I. I cannot bare the feeling
of saying goodbye to your face
because this goodbye is not
good at all and so I had to leave.
I took something from you awhile ago
I've returned it to the place I found it  
now you can find someone new to
hold your heart , for mine will always
be yours.

Red will forever and always be my most favorite thing I inhale into my lungs.

I smoke cigarettes
and I smoke and I smoke and I smoke  and I smoke
and I drink, drink the whiskey and my whine
my livers are dry and I've changed my name to
Black Lung Jack
Ohhh, well give me some of that crack, Jack!
We'll take taps and spice our tea
with shrooms and and wait until we see
we'll walk around and
we'll cry and we'll cry and we'll cry
  Then off we go we'll see a show and afterwards
we shall ****
but don't mistaken by such a kind boy cause
he might just have the clap so wear
a glove and let him shove and grind up
against your back

and I meep and I cry as we say our goodbyes,
Ill go home, perhaps ill take a nap

In this day in age, I don't know anyone who doesn't know what it's like to want to die.

No good for the getting
better, for you
most of all

You have been through
the worse that may
come and youre
finally
getting better..

I'll only put you back
to things getting
worse, and no one
not even myself would
like to be back there

of all places, not there.

So I'm saying goodbye,
I'm sorry and I hope you stay well
I'll love you forever
forever, until I die.

This is but an apology letter,
nor a letter at that
perhaps just a few words,
a note
my dearest friend
even without a title
or even if we are no longer
in each others lives
i will always love you
with such the heavy heart I have
This time,
we'd be sharing cigarettes in
your car, laughing of silly things
and though we have parted
I will miss you
and Im sorry for the harsh
things I've caused
all the troubles
Happy,
Happy Birthday to you
Sweet girl,
forever will I miss you
Spend your days well.

I want to lay with you
in the warmth of your bare
skin
and have your arms wrapped
around my bones,
like unforgivable knots
Intertwining our words with
'I love you' and ,
'you make me feel beautiful, knowing im not'
Your skin,
your skin is comfortable beneath
my palms,
bury your nose in the crevice of mine
roam my body like a map with the
sweetness of your fingertips
wandering hands,
deep breaths.
taking you in.
With you I shed,
like a snake becoming a new,
making me feel beautiful once again
in the skin I lye in
caressing every inch of me
letting you feel welcomed
to come inside me
love me,
touch me,
we're all just skin wrapped around
beautiful bones.

Your words,
they tell tale lies.
You think you're grand,
some kind of god
a high power of a sort
   well I've got news,
your words aren't worth my
two cents so go preach to one of
your little ******
and watch me,
watch me walk out your
door.
   You can entertain so well when
you clear your mind
but at the end of the day
you still cry your tale tale lies
  
nothin but a boy,
nothin but a boy.

We began to know each other when our minds spiraled downwards toward the rabbit hole. When everyone else were distorted, we, we were beautiful. You were beautiful. So beautiful the sight of you made me cry. And as our minds took us somewhere else, so did your hands, on my body. Exploring every delicate detail that lied there. My birth mark, my scars. And you'd kiss them and make the internal pain go away. God you were so ******* beautiful, and I loved you so much. It was a dream to be in that state with you. Too good to be real. So when we started coming down, back to reality. When everyone started to look the same, when you started to look like everyone else. When you began to scold me for my scars, and when your touch began to leave blacks and blues on my skin the sight of you made me cry.  Because I knew, I knew it was too good to be true. Now I lie here and look at you and think, who are you?

The best news I've heard in days,
even months..sometimes I think in years

my sister, creating a home inside her tummy
for a beautiful baby bean
creating a life..

just as i thought there wasnt a reason,
a meaning to stay
on the edge on contemplation,
of suicide

my heart,  my head
"you've got to be here for this baby"

and I will. and I cannot wait.

We lost each other when we lost the last bit of sanity we had left in our minds after all the times we fried. Fried every other day. One day it’d 2-3 tabs, other days we’d be breaking up crystal rocks in our water. I remember the first time we tripped together I looked at you and cried as if you were some kind of god, a part of Mother Nature that I wanted to lie and be surround in. I knew when we went too far, took too much because when I looked at you for to long, your face would start distorting and I felt like I no longer knew who you were and that scared me. In some ways I feel like we’ve got to know each other better on acid, who we were truly. And in some ways, I think that’s what’s caused us to break apart the last year. We lost ourselves, lost our minds literally. I truly hope one day, when we find ourselves again I’ll get to meet you and you’ll love yourself and the person you've become.

This time last year,
the leaves were at the turn
to red and orange
it was a beautiful fall
was with a beautiful boy
who at the time
kissed me
and left me with bittersweet
goodbyes until next time
I had my best friend
to my side,
my sister to describe at best
I was happy and
all my worries seemed
to disappear with every smiled
that appeared

This time this year,
the weather is still warm
and leaves have not changed
a bit
nothings changed a bit
but perhaps gotten worse
Trust in my lover is bent
and I no longer have the best
friend I longed for
I cry for no reasons at all
Im stressed
and I feel like Im going to crack
crack again,
I need a cigarette
a glass of wine
anything to pass the time
to go back in time
to this time last year.

12:58 a.m
Waxahatchee/ I think I love you

I find it depressing that
i am writing again
considering i cannot write a single
word
that brings a smile upon a face

Knowing I cannot write a thing
of happiness depresses me
and as I type the letters to this
note

my eyes form an ocean of
tears and i feel like drowning

what to do what to do
except let time take control
and wait

This is it
I'm moving 2000 miles away
By myself
With a woman who is known as my mother
But hasn't been one at all
Maybe I won't,
Maybe I won't want to die there.

But who's to say.

Tonight i am alone
for such a beautiful night
i sit here,
chewing through my bones
waiting with such
the heavy eyes
waiting for your call
to come home
to lye by your side
with our bones wrapped
like unforgivable knotts
To caress your sweet skin
with my long thin fingers
to look into your eyes
and listen to your soft soft
breathing
but I am just here
choking on my own words
forgiving myself for
making up false hopes
for tonight I miss you
and when I awake tomorrow
I will miss you again
as I sit
chewing through my own bones.

I'd like to think every poem I write
is as equal as a love letter for you
perhaps some kind of cry for help

if you were to ever be truly curious of how I felt
read me,
and you will see
the pain and the love i feel

for you more specifically

I don't know another time when I havnt written about you..
for you

One day,
when you read these writings
I hope your eyes widen
as well as your mind

and you all of a sudden see everything and understand, everything

and from there,
both you and I will see together.

How sad it is
that such a small word
can have so much
meaning
  How one little word
revolves around everything
We cry, we laugh, we pry
all because of a simple word
  Causing so much horrid
and yet so much greatness
How it runs all relationships
and how it ruins love and
fixes love

Tell me dear, oh what would we do
without
trust?

The level of stress
there is upon a
relationship
weather to trust your lover
with your heart
after the decision
to tear it apart
Where trust becomes
questionable
and how simple things
seen with your eyes
can make your heart sink,
sink to undesirable places.
Questions run through your mind
endless number of times
"Does he love me?"
"Am I the only girl?"
"What am I  worth?"
When you get to this point
I cry
I cry for you,
for you love him so
but too much to let him go.

If you fall in love
Be prepared,
You are falling into pain too
Their words will seep into your veins
through, and through
to your heart and make you feel blue
Do not fear,
nor shed a tear
For love is love
and it comes and goes.

2:43 p.m
Bob Dylan / Dont think twice Its alright

Thursday Mornings
I never expected to be so wonderful

Smell of hot coffee
Warm sun peeking through
lying on my skin,
blinding me with its beautiful brightness.

Turn over to the earths most
precious creation: Him.
His smile awakens me as he moves
the stranded hair from my face.

Soft kisses and gentle fingertips
moving along my cheeks

Kind words that whisper
"Youre beautiful, goodmorning my love"

And that is when I knew I was home,
safe in his arms,
in his presence.

The crows scream cries
as they sit on that old broken branch
So much beauty in something
someone can find so horrid
For you remind me of crows,
with someone with such the purest
heart you are seen
as nothing more than a bad bad man
and you cry and you cry

Oh dear its happening
what do i need?
I need a friend
my body is rushed with adrenaline
knowing i may lose him again

what do i do?
oh mama tell me please
i know your foot has fit the shoe

i bite my nails
and i tap my foot
but it doesn't help
im feeling a lot of  blue

What must I do
I love you so
and do not want to say
goodbye

A widow I am
For you are not dead
but only gone

Buried beneath the meadows
Our love lost at the peak of dawn
For you are only man
And I shall not cry

For those, you shall not pry
Love will come again
For I shall not be around

cannot bare to watch you
Wear that crown
watch you be proud
of how many times
you've caused this frown

You're doing it again
Your acting kind of odd
what shall it be this time
another bittersweet goodbye
Don't do this
no, don't do this again
I cant breathe when youre
suffocating me with
all the unanswered questions you have
dont listen to your head
youll just build your thoughts
dont crack again
dont leave me again..

I'm sorry for the pain we've caused each other.
I'm sorry for my insecurities corrupting the chances of us trying to be okay again.
I'm sorry for putting you through this, for just not letting you go and be happy.
I'm sorry that I love you so much, too much to let you go.
I'm sorry for trying, and then contradicting all of that because of how sad I truly am.
I'm sorry I over think to the point my thoughts don't make any kind of sense.
I'm sorry for everything

I saw him for the first time in a month. The first time we've spoke even, and nothing seemed to have changed. I'm not sure wether to feel scared or happy about that. We got so ****** we passed out on his bed where we both use to lie. Being in his presence became the most comfortable feeling i felt in awhile. And as he lied next to me, he scooted and wrapped his arms around my bones and whispered he missed me, and went back to sleep. I don't want to leave. I want to stay where I am, like this, us and everything forever.


I'm afraid of what's going to happen once I leave again.. what's going to happen with us, with me? I don't want to be alone.

Let's play the game of Who Deserves Who
You mope and cry and make up lies
to those you know who love to pry
You make sick
as you blow your kiss
baby, why do you love to victimize?
It doesn't make sense
none of it
**** this
find yourself, and be true.

Usted es una pobre excusa de un ser humano.

I am so foolish,
cant even keep my words up right
a talking monkey of some type
I am human
and I feel
and get laughed at for that too
Mold myself around opinions
who am i
what am i
Part of a puppet show
control me
mold me
make me
who i am
what i am

We cry and pry because we believe we need someone , someone to keep us happy, to be loved, to keep sane. But why cry and pry for all those things when we have the ability to do that on our own. Relationships and everything that comes with it, the one thing that kills us is the person we are with. We need no one but ourselves, we have the ability to keep ourselves happier without someone, to keep ourselves sane. But this is just babble from a girl whos in a two year relationship, and sadly i think that i can make myself happier than anyone ever could. Then he ever could.

Just like how someone died, you never really do get over your first love.

Your kind words have no meaning
When you start to comfort me
in soft, felt like beatings and
just as I thought you'd leave me with a simple peck
you wrap your fingers around my skin
...I'd rather have a noose pull gently
around my neck
For what have I done,
Please tell me so
Perhaps you'd rather have one of your skimpy girls
Put on your favorite little show
Cue the music dear,
let's have a little hear
Cross your fingers you don't put her through fear

You're pathetic,
A pig,
Nothing at best
Dig baby, dig
Because you're going to turn out
Just like the rest

6 feet below.

I'm creepin,
I'm crawlin,
I'm creepin all over you.

I know you see me,
I know you feel me,
creepin all over you.

Hear me,
Don't fear me,
And I will show you
what is true

Don't tease me,
I know you want me,
creepin all over you.

I'd never say I was your world,
I don't think I ever was anything that close
for you
But I was in your world,
I was in there for four years

Thinking alike,
doing things together
100% consuming you and what you gave,
and what you didn't give.
Consumed the happiness, anger, sadness.
Consumed everything whole
I was slowly losing myself
and molding into a clone of yours
Your own personal clown in your own little world. I lost myself completely.
Couldn't begin to explain who I was, but instead explained who you were and your likes and dislikes.

Now we are here,
Separate in two different worlds
and as I'm starting to find myself
who I am,
I'm starting to lose you
and i am fading out of your world

The sad truth is,
is I don't mind.
I can't feel I'll miss where I was
who I was when I was with you

I am ready to rid myself the pain you caused
I am ready to be me
I am ready to be happy
and not be so ******.

Liars lie and they'll make you cry
Lovers love, but they'll let you die
Do not trust the seeking eye
For it will seek and only pry

Sleep is for d
                       r
                         e
                           a
                            m
                               e
                                r
                               s.

I will sit here and pretend I care while you cry cry cry with your sad little eyes, look at your game girl.