I realized today
that the world never stopped moving
and now understand I truly am living
and I have been growing old
while pretending I don't even
exist.

today my father walked on over
calm as can be
while I busied up with the dishes
distracted by my thoughts

I didn't notice at first
what he was here for or what he was doing

so I felt cheated when I watched as he
pick up the elf on the shelf,
without me being granted time
to mentally prepare

he grabbed it by it's little arm,
his fingers touching it's magical flesh  
ever so casually, ever so calm.
as he rendered it's magic nonexistent.


I was always taught not to meddle
that it was almost a sin
to fiddle with an elf
and to ruin it's purity and ability


and obviously I knew the truth,
I open my mind years back.
I've known since the fifth grade,
when the kids there called me names
for believing in magic.

For being  
so
s t u p i d.

that's when I learned that age ruins all things good
and that imagination made you foolish.

but still,
****.
I guess my childhood really is dead now
and he knows it too.

You're like a safety pin.
Holding onto life for me
When i no longer can.