I

                  Am
          
                                          Mean

That's what I tell myself when something goes wrong.

It's the gum under my shoe that sticks to my brain, clogging my throat so I can't choke it o u t .

I am mean,
but what does mean really m e a n ?

I guess I was never really taught, so now it's defined by my flaws.
And now my flaws define me.

I am my mental health.

I am my trauma.

I.                                     Am.                                Mean.


My actions morph into my mind,
The thoughts that are no longer mine.

I am the problem.

I.

              Am.
    
                                Mean­.

My blue glasses sank
As I chased the brine blur, but
It just kept swimming

Laughter fills
childhood bliss,
with or
without us
knowing.
Life is
infinite.
Breathtakingly
infinite,
is life,
knowing
us. Without
or with
childhood, bliss
fills laughter.

Let me sink into the earth’s warm touch
Below the wailing willows roots
And be reborn into one
Single daisy blowing
In the autumn air
For life repeats
And nothing
Is the
End

I can feel the eyes, sense them watching
I cover my ears but still hear
So I watch myself closer
Hide away completely
Close my mind, emptied
Sit alone and
Wait till I
Can just
Break