Blood shot
EYES
Lack of
SLEEP
Doing drugs
PARTYING
Three day
******
With some
FRIENDS
But do
FRIENDS
let other
FRIENDS
Look like
THIS
You ask
YOURSELF
As you
LOOK
In the
MIRROR
Picking your
FACE
Covered in
SCABS
You are
UGLY
Just like
THEM
A voice
YELLS
Let’s go
DUDE
We got
MORE
Being sober
*****
When your
THOUGHTS
Suggest getting
HELP
Numb the
PAIN
With your
FRIENDS
Together is
BETTER
Than by
YOURSELF
Together you
REMAIN
Just like
THEM
A bad
FRIEND
A good
FRIEND
It just
DEPENDS
Who you
ASK ?
Misery loves
COMPANY

Alike
but different
Like
opposing pedals on a
Bike
always working together

Alike
but different
Like
opposing handlebars on a
Bike
always directing together

Alike
but different
Like
opposing tires on a
Bike
always traveling together

Without
one or the
Other
the bike would get
Nowhere
just like us if we are selfish

Blonde hair
blue eyes

Brown hair
green eyes

Black hair
brown eyes

Red hair
hazel eyes

and every other combination
possible ...... etc

Does it really even matter? Haven’t they all led us to HEARTBREAK

HEARTBREAK
must be : COLORBLIND
NO PREFERENCE

We seek to be free
but yet we confine
OURSELVES

Within walls
within debt
CAPTIVE

Mother Nature
had all to offer
FREEDOM

But yet we
cut her down
DESTROY

To make supplies
in order  to build
HOMES

They come with
hefty monthly payments
COST

As we sacrifice
her loving nature
****

As we sacrifice
our loving time
PAYMENT

To fund this dream
containing ourselves within
WALLS

Physically and mentally
as we accept this
REALITY

40 hours a week at work
56 hours a week of sleep they
RECOMMEND

There’s only 168 hours  in a week
that leaves only 72 hours left
SPENT

Now subtract kids sports games
school events, dinner dates and
TRAVEL

So our biggest expense is spent
on a place we hardly stay
STUCK

A mortgage is kind of sounding
like a timeshare at this point
REALITY

But the banks are nice
with their low interest rates
OFFERS

It used to be a couple generations under one roof to help
EACH-OTHER

This made sense as the kids got babysat by their
GRANDPARENTS

The houses were paid off quickly if not bought in cash from everyone
CHIPPING-IN

As they grew bigger they built another home or two or added an
ADDITION

That was back when the values were stronger than ever
BEFORE

Now families struggle apart and are in debt up to their
EYEBALLS

As the kids go to daycare and the grandparents are in elder
HOMES

Old and alone no purpose to live without any family to
VISIT

Talk about irony as we have been sold for many years
MARKETING

On what the banks and economy need versus our
FAMILIES

Where to start
well there’s the obvious
teeth need brushed
and flossed
every night
and morning
I always conclude
with a gargle of
MOUTHWASH
to **** the germs
Every day a shower
or two
no I’m not addicted
but when you’re
a gym rat
it’s necessary
shampoo and conditioner
otherwise my hair becomes
a disaster
Irish spring
my choice of bar
the scent just permits
the smell of freshness
plus the LADIES LOVE IT
Hair needs combed
or brushed
otherwise it leads to
tangles and knots
Now let’s not forget
q-tips to get the earwax
OUT
the pleasure I get
from feeling clean
Now these
next couple things
may not be
as often but
they are just as
IMPORTANT
toenails and fingernails
they every couple days
need a nice trim
normally after
pressing my cuticles down
and using this neat little tool
that pushes against
the excess skin
and as it goes
it takes it off
leaving them smooth
last but not least
a file to
round the edges
to prevent
HANGNAIL
One of my least favorite
of all to take care of
most definitely is
my ****** HAIR
although I got
some fancy trimmers
I always stress
about it being perfect
nice clean lines
the curves just right
no guy wants
an uneven face
and when I’m done
and it’s all trimmed just right
I got this attachment
that’s made for
NOSE-HAIRS
every now and then
it gets caught
as I press firmly
to get them all
and it tugs hard
as I say ouch
after this though
my all time favorite thing
when it comes to
HYGIENE
aftershave
as the alcohol burns my
freshly shaved face
it makes me feel
so refreshed and clean
and leaves me smelling
so dam good
Now you cannot forget
to every so often
TOUCHUP
your eyebrows
no one wants
a unibrow
Another important part
of staying clean
and of superb hygiene
is an everyday
multiple times
ROUTINE
use as needed
DEODORANT
to help fight
any unwanted
BODY ODORS
Now somethings
are just not feasible
to do yourself
so you have to
RELY on the PROFESSIONALS
haircut , but thank GOD
It’s only an every couple weeks
AFFAIR as it’s costly
And last but not least
an important variable
the power of
using a good lotion
after each shower
to prevent dry skin
Well to each their own
I’m sure I may have missed
SOMETHING
but for the most part
this is my
HYGIENE ROUTINE

ps: Always make sure to regularly :
WASH YOUR HANDS !!

Drip, drop
percolate
coffee-***
fill my cup
warm my soul
pick me up
CAFFEINE
awake now
Get-up
get ready
light on my
FEET
from the
DARK
grounds
Giving me
ENERGY
to go the
ROUNDS
Life serves
Imagine
life without
COFFEE
uh ,,,,
are you crazy
I rather not
NO THANK YOU !
We would be
so lazy
TIRED
versus
WIRED
eyes
half asleep
not able
to
WAKE UP
so as I
get my
SECOND CUP
I just
want to say
How
GRATEFUL
I am
For this
DRUG

Poetry has no rules
so if you feel
in life you
just don’t fit in
well hop aboard
and join on in
because you’re
always welcome
Poetry has no rules
so therefore
you can be yourself
without any discomfort
there’s no need
to apologize or say sorry
for being who you are
please just be yourself
Poetry has no rules
sure some may like
to rhyme when they write
while others
just go with the flow
some pour their heart
and gut out, while others
write about nature
Poetry has no rules
so just remember this
when you’re on this site
all we ask, is you be yourself
and we will do our best
to support you and shine light
in your life through words of
ENCOURAGEMENT
Poetry has no rules
so please just
express yourself
share your thoughts
not just for yourself
but so together we all can
GROW

TRUST
frisbee
thrown
GONE

PAIN
medicine-ball
thrown
HEAVY

HEARTBREAK
boomerang
thrown
RETURNED

A big ugly rug lays on top of the old wood floors covering up the ancient dust from many years before

On that rug lays an old mutt dog with shaggy fur all knotted up from playing outside all day in the woods named Buster

He lays in the same exact spot every single day and night so much his fur and dirt outlines his domain where he stays inside

Just a foot behind that fur outlined spot where the old mutt dog lays on top of that big ugly rug that covers the ancient dust upon the old wood floors sits an old man on an outdated plaid reclining chair named Bob

Bob at the start of everyday and the end of every night enjoys sitting on his outdated plaid reclining chair with his feet up just behind his old mutt dog with shaggy fur all knotted up named Buster who is laying on his fur covered spot on the big ugly rug that covers the ancient dust upon the old wood floors
smoking his old wood pipe filled with Indian tobacco

That was until after many years of this exact same thing the old man Bob had to put his old wood pipe filled with Indian tobacco down from his old black lungs coming down with cancer

And shortly after that big ugly rug that covered the ancient dust upon the old wood floors where the old man named Bob sat on his old plaid reclining chair no longer had an old mutt dog with shaggy fur knotted named Buster sitting in front of him because he had to be put down and all that was there was an outline spot of fur for a reminder of a **** good dog and an old wooden pipe with no Indian tobacco

Alright enough with the
HAIKUS
upside down
backwards
It’s all old news
TO BE HONEST
It was quite
RIDICULOUS
Enough with
the other topics
AS WELL
like
HEARTBREAK
HEART-MAKE
and
SELF-LOVE
you know
every other
ENTRY
pretty much
sums these
3 topics
UP
WHAT is it
WE all
WANT
something
DARK
or better
Yet
MAYBE
LIGHT
If not those
TWO
than maybe
a simple
BLACK AND WHITE
write
a simple story line
about
WRONG & RIGHT
uh , still not sure
amidst all the choices
Like DAY or NIGHT
ground or sky
MOON or SUN
smart or dumb
Does any jump out
at you
Or do they all
just get lost
amidst the thoughts
and the only cost
BRAIN-DAMAGE
I rather get lost
in YESTERDAY’S
NeWsPaPeR
OLD NEWS
VERSUS
the **** 💩
on CNN
or FOX NEWS
not looking
to take a
POLITICAL
stand 🤪
Its all
MANIPULATED
like syllables
when
COMPOSING
a HAIKU
IF ONLY
they reported
IN FREESTYLE
then maybe
WE WOULD BE
InFoRmEd
Ive learned more
from
LAW & ORDER
IRRELEVANT ,
i’LL allow it
BECAUSE THIS IS
MY POEM
and I’m the JUDGE,
JURY and Sheriff
Honestly
Quite
possibly
the VICTIM
too
BUT NEVER
the attorney
BIG SUIT
slick hair
PROFIT
DRIVEN
REGARDLESS
GUILTY
OR
INNOCENT
credit card
APPROVED
cash
DISCOUNT
Under
the table
4 legs hold it up
STABLE
for people
not HORSES
GETTY UP
well this
LOOKS LIKE
a FREESTYLE
based on the
CONTENT
Run forest Run
As in trees
THERE’S A forest FIRE
coming from his mouth
DRAGON
guarding the
Princess
the knight
JUST HAD A HEARTBREAK
and saw the beast
and said F*ck that
SHES GONNA BREAK
MY HEART
AnYwAyS
LAUGH
but quite possibly true
love lately
like a hit and run
DRIVE THRU
order up
1 insecure blonde
with a LARGE FRY
extra
INSECURITIES
on the
SIDE
and
RIDE
out
EAT AND THROW AWAY
DISREGARD
Gone
WITH THE WIND
paper bag
But keep
the
NAPKINS
and
CLEAN UP
wash down
DIET COKE
lite ice
I WORKOUT
irony
A McMillion CALORIES
but 1 McMile on the
TREADMILL
LOL
WELL
IM FEELING
WELL DONE
This poem
In
DANGER
of being
OVERCOOKED
SERVED

Amidst a dark time
a sparkle of light

Amidst the light
a bright shine

Amidst the shine
I saw myself

Amidst myself
I felt loved

Amidst the love
I breathed new life

Amidst my new life
the darkness fades

Amidst her eyes
looking back into mine

A twinkle of magic
telling me it was okay

Her smile cheered me up
and outshined the pain

A total surprise
I didn’t expect at all

When her eyes
laid upon mine

An unexpected fall
an unexpected catch

Hand in hand
we’re walking slow

She knows my flaws
she knows my concerns

She has some herself
as she opened up to me

Together we plan
to take things slowly

Amidst the light
that killed the darkness

We decided
to dance slow

........................GOD
                         O   E
                         N   A
                     N E E D
                     O
                     BUT
                     O
                     D          S
                     YOURSELF
                                   L
                                   FAITHLESS
                                   I
             THOUGHT S
                                  HOPELESS
                    ­                         O
                                              S
               ­                               TRAGEDY
                          ­                          L
                                     ­              O
                                                   N         J
                                                 BELIEVE
                                                       N     S
                                                               U
                                                       TRUST

AHEAD
DEATH
BORN
                   ⬅️⬅️⬅️⬅️↖️
BEHIND                           ↖️
BIRTH                               ↖️
BORN                                ⬆️
                       ­                     ⬆️
BUT                                    ⬆️
WHAT                ­                ⬆️
LIES                                    ⬆️
BETWEEN                         ⬆️
                                             ⬆️
LIFE➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️⬆️

THROUGH  _ _ _
WITH _ _ _
AND
IN _ _ _

IT’S YOUR LIFE
YOU FILL IN
THE BLANKS

You receive
what you retrieve

So if you hate
what you relate

Why reach for
the same thing more

You hate the fall
but love the ground

You feel looked down on
but you refuse to stand tall

Quit laying flat
like a welcome-mat

You seek energy
the same energy you
COMPLAIN about
IRONY

You are a result
of bad math

Well only you
can add or
SUBTRACT

Remove the bad
Before it changes you

Slowly taking over
YOURSELF

Otherwise
You might end up

At the point of
NO RETURN

My mind a never ending letter factory as my memory captures photos of the past and instantly associates the thoughts with words as it collects the letters simultaneously to create the words necessary and as quickly as my fingers can type them to write the story a poem is born

Each poem a direct reflection of a reflection of myself like a time machine taking you on a journey opening up a specific memory of my life in 3 dimensions as you get the images along with the emotions from the feelings I felt

So to say I write from personal experience is an understatement because I don’t write at all but rather type the images caught from a past I don’t always remember until a trigger within brings it up

And when that happens I just run with it , I’m just a “Rob”ot for the letter factory up above typing as quickly as I can just trying to keep up

That’s the reality of my poems as most of them require little to no time to create as I’m just the fingers behind the madness of the created words from lost images triggered from an unforgiving and never forgetting mind

BITTER TRUTH  / REALITY

If only I could turn off my mind but unfortunately it’s not a realistic possibility it’s always in overdrive on overtime

Before I would ignore it and be stressed out having a mess for a head with all the confused thoughts from misspelled words as a result of loose letters

It would just bottle up and my emotions would take over and create a ticking time bomb as my mouth would then clock in and the unknown words would spill out hurting others even loved ones

🤯 EXPLODE

So when I say poetry has saved me, I truly mean it as my words on paper sound a lot better than screaming them at others randomly from a factory explosion as a result of missing a healthy outlet : POETRY

I’m Black
I’m White

oh wait

Take a moment to think
Like what does he mean

I’m in between
Both colors

oh wait

Well not anymore
That’s the old me

I refuse to paint
That way anymore

oh wait

You understand now
What’s right is right
And what’s wrong is wrong

I’m no longer willing
To bend the truth

don’t wait

I couldn’t be more sincere
I’m tired of living in fear

right now

I’ve decided it’s time
To make a change
I must be honest with myself

no longer

Am I willing to hide
Within the spectrum

of color

It’s plain and simple
Good or bad intentions

pick one

Well moving forward
Good is my only decision

i might

Slip up but
I’m not perfect

i promise

Back in the day
I used to claim

i was

Back in the gray
Where I was from

that was

The worst place
To ever be

In between  

The lies and the truth
Playing the sides

not anymore

I’m refusing moving forward
To be that guy anymore

I am

Black and White
Moving forward

what’s right

Is the only thing
That matters

I am

Slowly changing
Working harder

getting values

I couldn’t
Feel better

The threat
to relapse

No longer
a concern

I rather fight
and earn

The right
to deserve

To be
a better

MAN

It’s 4:11 in the morning
and I’m not tired

I woke up from a deep sleep just thinking about you

My heart started racing as my mind tried to keep up

If only I could forget you but it’s more complicated than that

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m wide awake now

And all I can think about is all the mistakes I made

The games we played and how our love went astray GONE

But no matter the pain you have caused me, I just can’t forget you

Its 4:11 in the morning and I wonder where are you

I don’t know why since you left me and you’re no longer my problem

I guess regardless the culprit or victim I still miss you

Although it seems dumb as you have moved on

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m not yawning, I should be tired

But I’m not just sitting up thinking about your love

My body getting all worked up as my mind starts spinning all these thoughts

My heart pounding against my chest and I’m left knowing I didn’t try my best

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I want you but I know I can’t have you

We’re states away not by accident, the space was needed to prevent a relapse

And although I want you , I don’t need you

You we’re my one, I truly believed until you gave up so easily on you and me

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m done rewinding my feelings for you

As I know you are home sound asleep, not devoting a minute of lost sleep to thinking about me

And it’s sad now, I think how ? Could I be so weak and the only answer is .... I really ******* loved you

But not no more , I’m only human so I got to remind myself
of the pain you caused me

it’s 4:11 in the morning and now I’m reminded of all the drama

Like 2020 spending Christmas all alone , I left my past in Indiana

I made a life with you in Vermont and as Covid took over I lost my job

That’s when the tension took us both , but I couldn’t rely on the woman I loved , LOST

its 4:11 in the morning and my thoughts are calming my heartbroken nerves

As the feelings remind me that it was you that discarded me

Like a piece of trash to the sidewalk, or meat to the wolves instead of battling beside me

You threw salt in our loves wounds and for that you’ll regret it one day

it’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m going back to bed now


I realized so quickly , you’re not worth the lost sleep that the few good parts of you I remember are nothing compared to the parts that left me

You gave up so quickly without any fight left to try to overcome the differences we shared

I just needed a companion to support me but you couldn’t even be a good friend

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m going back to bed , feeling a lot better than I ever did , just thinking about you

A fish in a bowl       / ~ 🐠  ~ ~ \
feels trapped        

Witnessing fish on a screen
swimming freely amidst the sea

Dreaming for the day to come
when he to can swim freely

But for now he swims, within his  bowl lined with pebble rocks

It wasn’t until he seen the human of the house

Put a fish in a pan
then on a plate

That the fish in the bowl
felt grateful compared to the :

Fish on a plate
for he was the main dish

An impromptu date
well not exactly

Mutual friends call
we meet at their hands

Already acquaintances
from a work account

Periodic flirting
between the two of us

A nice night of dancing
amidst a couple tequila shots

All in fun, no hidden agendas
one thing led to the next

A convertible ride to
our friends place

Music, poetry and conversation
around a warm bonfire

The summer night
with a cool refreshing breeze

Concluded by
a romantic kiss

Next day came
we weren’t afraid

Nor shamed
we were both excited

Co workers whispered
as they spread rumors

We told them
it was ok

As we
laughed it off

We decided this calls
for a second date

We meet halfway
at a nice place

From our texts
we realize

She is desiring
some self-change

As she is battling
some things from her past

I shared my struggles
as well as my wins

She couldn’t believe
just how open I was

I told her
the most important thing

Is to
get it all out

Over lunch
she said to me

Today I’m going
to get a journal

I held back
a big smile

As I had her one
already in the car

As a gift
for when we left

Lunch ended
we walked to her car

I asked her to wait a minute
as I went to mine

Her face lit up
BIG SMILE

As she seen through
the window

I was carrying
a book for her

Titled on the outside
JOURNAL

We hugged
and shared a kiss

I told her
a message inside

A poem I wrote
titled “Yourself”

We went
our separate ways

As I headed out
she stayed put

I knew she was
reading the note

A minute later
she texted “ thank you “

This is the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done

I replied back
I support your growth

Regardless of what
we may or may not become

You deserve
to love yourself

BELOW THE POEM I WROTE IN HER JOURNAL I GAVE HER :

“YOURSELF”

Happiness introduces itself amidst faded darkness
You are reluctant to accept its invite with open arms
As you are scarred from others words of encouragement too
Who is to believe anymore you ask yourself in your mind
Promises of laughter, love and comfort are made
But you still feel discomfort in the vulnerability to believe
Questions of deserving these feelings reside in your mind
You want to accept you deserve to receive happiness but
It’s their actions that tell your subconscious to whisper  “No”
A constant battle within yourself, you struggle to deal with
Insecurities are not birthed internally but rather from others
Self inflicted pain from feelings of unworthiness your downfall
An emptiness that burns from within others planted doubt
But not that of your own and that’s the complete truth
Accept it as it’s always been your choice to choose to rejoice
You can trust your gut as it has never let you down this far
Happiness can be trusted when it’s self nurtured from within
So quit being afraid of decisions that you can make for yourself
Otherwise it’s not them you have to worry about but rather
YOURSELF

Our love so lite
captive to the wind
where it’s gone now
only Mother Nature knows

Vanished within air
gone without a care
separated from us
alone we both are left

Maybe that’s why
I sincerely hate the wind
for it’s the reason
our love went adrift

She didn’t seem to mind
her eyes have no regret
as she lifted our guarded love
for all to see against the wind

She knew the threat
her eyes saw the tree branches
violently passing left to right
as the wind chimes screamed

She felt her hair being pulled
away from her head firmly
as it danced the same direction
with the powerful breeze

Was it on purpose? Was it to hurt me or maybe , just maybe she wanted us both to be free

From a love so lite that not even it could go up against a summer breeze without losing might

For she knew we both desired a love in strength capable of taking on the biggest of storms

If you ever stopped
DRINKING

Long enough you could start
THINKING

Even if it was just for a few
MINUTES

Imagine the difference in our
RELATIONSHIP

But no, that’s to much to
ASK

You’re just a self-centered
*******

And can’t think about anyone
ELSE

Well I refuse to accept this
BEHAVIOR

I’m done being your punching
BAG

Mentally, emotionally and
SOCIALLY

Maybe for once you will
SEE

How your drinking is way out of
CONTROL

But either way, it doesn’t matter
ANYMORE

Because I’m breaking up with
YOU

Never will I ever allow someone
TO

Control me the way that you
HAVE

Never will I take the backseat
AGAIN

To a drug from someone I
LOVE

Never
AGAIN

Kick rocks
it’s water
under the bridge
sling mud
drag my name
in dirt
it’s all
salt
in my wounds
bleed
point fingers
label drunk
I’ll listen
I’ll watch
with sand
between my
toes
I’ll remain
a
BEACH ***
Unconcerned
about
your thoughts
so
****-off
FREEDOM

You’re feeling down, tired and slow
You just need a quick pick me up
You contemplate ******* or adderall

You’re feeling depressed and insecure
You just need a substance to numb yourself
You contemplate ****** or alcohol

You’re in so much pain and you hurt
You just need a quick fix to take it away
You contemplate pain-killers or muscle-relaxers

You’re drowning in anxiety and stressed out
You just need something to calm yourself down
You contemplate cbd or marijuana

You're so heartbroken you feel all the above ⬆️
You just need a drug to help numb yourself
You contemplate which one will do the job

One thing for certain is, you’re done with the most powerful drug of them all
lOvE

It always leaves you with the worst hangovers and is a gateway to the
REST

For it wasn’t until your heart was torn into two that you tried any of the
ABOVE

Now you can’t get enough of anything to make you forget about the
hEaRtBrEaK

Love is one drug you refuse to get addicted to, monetarily it is free but costs the
MOST

You are in no danger of ever being tempted to try it again after the last
RELAPSE

Open book
look
But don’t touch
read
what is my body
telling
you to do to
me

WRONG
try again, look closer
focus
otherwise you’ll mess this
up
I’m not playing games
fun
take this serious

Right
my body language
bad
because you are sick
disgusted
but I knew you had to
see
this for yourself

Gone
leave right now
don’t
come back ever
again
my body hates
you
as you can see

You have the right to
Remain silent anything
You say or do will .......

If only wite’out
wasn’t just for written words                                          
But for spoken too

Then maybe we would
      Still be a happy couple
          Together in arms

    If only we put
As much thought into speaking
         As we do writing

    Then maybe I would
      Still have my lovely Angel
  Versus this Haiku

Permanent images inside my head
Permanent images outside my
skin
Permanent scars inside my
head
Permanent scars outside my skin  
Permanent issues inside my head
Permanent issues outside my
skin
Well that’s what they expect you to think
Well that’s what they expect you to see
Nothing in life inside or outside is ever permanent
Nothing in life inside or outside
can never be fixed
Permanent is permanently a lie amidst many words
Permanent is permanently an attempt to hold you back
Constantly keep growing and loving yourself
Constantly keep questioning
words with no hope
Such as : Permanent

It goes tic-tax-toe
Every second and move
They tax us for it

W: WORDS
O: OPEN
R: REAL
D: DOORS
S: SINCERELY

W: WORDS
O: OPEN
R: REAL
D: DOORS
S: SUPPORTIVELY

AND

W: WORDS
O: OPEN
R: REAL
D: DOORS
S: SPIRITUALLY

Locked and loaded
GUN
Ticking time
BOMB
****** of
MAN

Mental Health
AWARENESS
Could have
SAVED
Us from
HIM

Shooter
BOMBER
Bad tempered
MENTALLY SICK
Unfortunately the
SICKENED REALITY

If you
​​​​​​​NEED HELP
Please get it
WE DON’T NEED  
Anymore victims to
DIE AT OTHERS ARMS

A wishing-well
on the ground
of an old school

A victim the building
of asbestos walls
and ceilings

The grass overgrown
the building falling apart
but yet the well remains

People stop regularly
I see cars as I pass by
with people around it

It always leads me
to think sincerely
about the wells power

You would think
if it could truly
grant a wish

Then why not one
of its own benefit
as it rests alone

What once used to be
a place of youth gathering
all singing and playing along

On the big playground
just slightly across from
the old stone wishing-well

The bells going off
for lunch and recess
also signaling school is out

But now things have changed
and the wishing-well all alone
with only visits at random

I truly believe the power
of the wishing-well was lost
when the kids love was gone

As it remains amidst land
with a ghost of a school
with overgrown grass

A depressing site for all to see
including the ones that stop by
with hopes of remaining powers

As they throw their choice
of coin in, make their wishes
and wait patiently to see

Amidst a write of emptiness
Hopeful of more words to come
But the bitter reality now is
A stanza of words forming one
With no signs of more to come
How resonating this may be
To other victims feeling lonely

So I am who I am
but that’s not who I was

Before the transformation
mistakes were made prior

Well I feel I’m close to healed
but what should I expect next

I meet a girl, she’s into me
where do I start to explain me

Do I tell her the good, bad and ugly with hopes she will love me

Or do I not feel the need because it’s really not who I am

The truth will set you free
but the truth from before wasn’t me

So I’m confused a tad bit as I know I don’t want to mess this up

But I feel a full disclosure might expose myself for who I was and hurt

This life a constant battle amidst what’s right and wrong

I know I want to do what’s right and that’s not of concern

But what is right is what I ask myself truthfully when I think at night

For me to wear their sins that I already carried for a lifetime this far

Or is it okay to accept it and move on like a closed case you accepted the punishment from

I don’t know and that’s the real concern for me because moving on I want to be happy

My subconscious tells me it shouldn’t matter but on the contrary it said the same thing when it did

My heart says no matter what any true love will love you for who you are

But that’s not me and it’s not who I am, so I’m confused about what needs to be shared

Any feedback greatly appreciated as I know the collective thoughts of stronger minds might lead to a rational decision

You can’t lose something you never had but you may never gain what you scare away

So who is to say or decide what to expose or decide , what’s wrong or right , there’s no sun or moon in love to determine the day from night

My emotions all mixed and confused as the thoughts all erupt and leave me feeling empty from lust

Who really knows or thinks highly enough to share their opinion amongst my decisions to help guide a young pup

A spiraling staircase leads below to worlds unknown


One sign resides at the top before the first step drops

———————
l   CAUTION    l
l  enter at own  l
|       RISK        |
———————
            |
            |
            |  ­                           ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

What thoughts race through a curious mind as you look down

As far as your eyes can see long and it keeps going

Other bystanders keep passing by never even taking a look

Until finally you decide to get close and commit to one step

WAIT! someone screams in fear for you causing you to back up

What, wait, huh , what do you mean you mutter confused

The gentleman says “ you must not be from around here “

If you were then you would know that this stairway is a trap

You reply back “ what do you mean, I don’t understand “

Just trust me kid it’s not worth your time , you must move on

Go! Get and never ever be tempted again to consider

For what lies below none of us know for one mere fact

Not one soul has ever lived to tell of what is down below

As you turn to look back down at the endless stairs that spiral

You look back at the strange man and he’s no where in sight

Your body gets chills as your mind’s thoughts cross paths

You are drawn back to that sign but this time it is totally bare

———————
l                       |
l                       l
|                       |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\

You start to get creeped out wondering, how this could be ?

But yet that dark black spiral staircase leading down remains

You put your hand on the top of the rail ¥ as you grasp it firmly

You lift your right foot to plant down on the first drop...

Don’t ! Someone screams as you retract your foot back

What do you think you’re doing ? Cant you read the sign !

The woman in a dress-suit finishes yelling  at you

You reply back what do you mean ma'am I’m confused

She firmly reaches out her arm and points her finger at it

———————
l         NO.        l
l  Trespassing  |  
|                       |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

You plead with her you never read that or those words

But rather it stated something different before

She laughed hysterically and scary loud with her head back

And when she came back to eye level with yours .......


You couldn’t believe what you saw ..... it’s your ex-girlfriend

What in the hell? you ask as her hands turn to claws

The gentleman’s voice from before yells “ I told you so “

Run, Run, Run! He pleads but where? as you’re  cornered

The staircase the only place left to go as her eyes turn red

Thorns appear from her hair as her heels explode off

You feel stuck in place, truly lost not knowing what to do

She takes her claw and points one last time at that sign

You look in fear and cannot believe what you read

———————
l GET OUT OF l
l   MY HEAD     l
| NOW, NOW   |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

Couch surfing
A gypsy soul
where he goes
nobody knows
no rhyme or reason
to where he shows
sometimes uphill
other times with the flow
as he rolls downhill
with the wind or against
the seasons don’t seem
to have any effect
I’ve asked him before
what leads him
through certain doors
he just laughs and always
replies back:
“I really don’t know”
possibly his heart
a broken compass
as he allows
his various emotions
to lead the way
Or maybe his mind
like a gps device
that never quite
determines the next
location until his gut
signals this feels okay
he never makes plans
ahead of time nor will he
make long term commitments
Unless here in the now
as in right now
this very second or minute
and please be careful
because one hesitation
or a blink of an eye
and you might be disappointed
or surprised .... ****!
HE’S GONE
without a trace , no goodbye
don’t take it personal
it’s just how he lives
his life, a true traveler
this one , he’s been all over
some think he’s on the run
but he’s no criminal
he’s never hurt a fly
since one day he’s never
quite been the same
since an old flame
led him to a heartbreak
and ever since
he’s just afraid
to stay put in the same place
but who really knows
well I do
the answer is
only he does
but never will he
or atleast not now
talk about
or tell the tall tale
of the Why ?
So it’s easy to just assume
he’s a gypsy soul
floating amidst
a world unknown
trying to figure life out
Trying to find himself
afraid of hurt
afraid of pain
a victim to
a really bad heartbreak
always a town ahead
of love to come
afraid to stop
or it might catch-up
and then what ?
he’s forced to face
another chance
at life’s fate
At others hands
No thanks
not him
he’s gone
anyways
****
destination
unknown

To rationalize
Or not
That is the question
When logic is lost
The cost
Normally
Paid in full
With regret
From threats
of you
It’s hard to always be
Right down the middle
All the time
When you live and love
Strictly off passion
It can become hard to be
RATIONAL
It’s not just
a mathematical term
Although you would see
How less quickly
Problems add up
When you can become one
With a rational mind
Now just like in math
Or just like life
Love included also
There is always times
That call for more
Than a simple recourse
Of a rational action
But those are
For sure
Few and far in between
The most important part
To ever remember
Is if you feel this way
To know it’ll be okay
As long as you don’t act
Or respond back
Irrationally
But rather rationalize
With the person or feelings of
Mention with the least amount of tension and without a doubt you will get further and a better result .......Rational

A night of dancing
At a Mexican bar
Amidst co-workers
And our friends
Everyone having
A hella good time
Dancing on chairs
Forming circles
All taking turns
In the middle
While others
Cheer us on
One last drink
A light conversation
Next thing we knew
We were in a car
Drop top Mazda Miata
Under a star filled sky
The moon demanded
Attention, just like her eyes
Prior to our destination
A late night pit stop
As she pulled over
In that vacant parking lot
My head was already moving
Before she put the car in park
A perfect kiss
under a moonlit sky
Her lips locked into mine
Followed by a perfect drive
Under the dark nights sky
The cool breeze brushed
Against our warm skin
Cooling us both down
From the passion

My love
Not like most
Just ask the waiter
Or the host
The bartender
My best friend
Because those
That seek me
Usually tip the most
Top shelf

Why God ?
Why him ?
Why her ?
Why them ?
and Grandpa
too ?

I’ll never
ever understand

Your plan
your reasons

Nor will
you, always
mine

But let’s
agree, that’s
what FAITH
is all about

Problems
adding

Solutions
undetermined
variables

REAL LIFE MATH PROBLEMS

Solve
them

Support
system
quickly
Dividing

Mental
health
issues
multiplying

Stressed
out
messed
up
double
check
your
math
if
it
Isn’t
adding
up

Right
wrong
same
answer
different
problem

Solve
for
ex
as
in
relationship
equals
HURT

Gone
lost
confused
concerned
done

The
only
gain
was
PAIN

My
heart
divided
into
2
pieces
HEARTBREAK

1 childhood
like
mine
+
1 confused
boy
me
then
multiplied
by
a
hurt
man
———————
= let me know
when you figure it out

Math madness
if only I could
take a bath
and clean this
DISEASE

Allowing myself
to be cleansed
of some really bad
NUMBERS

It’s like this life is
PRE-DETERMINED
we just show up
and the rest unfolds

The house of cards
we keep stacking
as one gust of wind
blows it all down
FATE

Well I’ll get to the bottom
of where it all started
finally solving
for ground zero

Once there I can then
find myself
before the added
DAMAGE
and know where
it is I need to be
FOUND

FIND YOURSELF

Now you see it
now you don’t
ALCOHOL

The pain was there too
but now it’s not
DRUNK

But once the BUZZ wears OFF
the ALCOHOL IS GONE
but the PAIN is
STILL THERE
TRUTH

Love’s pool keeps
CALLING
Tempting me to get
CLOSE
I refuse to give in
AGAIN
I’m so afraid, I’ll
FALL
My heart beats
HARD
At the
THOUGHT
My subconscious screams
NO
Before this last
HEARTBREAK
I was
FEARLESS
But now, I’m scared shitless
AFRAID
No more diving in
HEADFIRST
I wish I could
TRUST
But the result of lost
LOVE
Has left its
MARK
To my :
FUTURE
LOVE ,
I’M
SORRY,
I’m
DAMAGED-GOODS
unfortunately
Hopefully
YOU’LL
STILL
love
ME
4

WHO I AM
IF NOT
I WON’T
Give-in
To : LOVE’S CALL
To the
DEEP-END
Without first
YOUR PATIENCE
and ability to
UNDERSTAND

Call me selfish
but when we took
our new love
off life’s shelf
I expected it
to be perfect
but as we built it
it became apparent
we weren’t just missing
one or two pieces
but rather many more
Was it out my fears
from previous years
or was it just lust
convincing the both of us
that the love making
romantic weekends
and one on ones
would be enough to fix
all the issues
we were facing
amidst a mixed family
with 2 different generations
of confused people
all with our own issues
the biggest one being
TRUST
But call me selfish
because I still desire
the love regardless
the pain it costs
because a second with her
I’d gladly exchange for a year
of my life versus a lifetime
without her love

Infuse
with abuse
but not
just any type
Lets go verbal
as in just words
because I’m to scarred
to be hit anymore
or fall victim to others hands
EVER AGAIN
Maybe some basic
NAME-CALLING
some yelling and shouting
and the occasional low blow
beneath the belt
backstab
BUT PLEASE
NO VIOLENCE !!
PHYSICAL
Or better yet
make some threats
tell me I’m no GOOD
If verbal abuse isn’t
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
and you still are hell bent
on breaking me down
I would prefer
Mental over Physical
because once again
I just can’t take being hit
as well as I can
the emotional disrespect
My past gave me plenty of
practice at being very
ACCEPTING
of it
Mental Health AWARENESS

Abuse a noose
a rope tied tight
that once removed
still has a tight hold
Old scars still freshly
BOLD not by others
nor by view but rather
the story behind what they
HIDE: THE TRUTH
A dark secret to most
a dark story you HOST
a love lost
your MENTAL HEALTH
the COST
Feelings of being
UNWORTHY
Feelings of being
UNDESERVING
attracting
BAD ENERGIES
like a MAGNET
but until
YOU REALIZE
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
GET HELP AND MOVE-ON
OR you will always be the VICTIM
to the ABUSE , the NOOSE
around YOUR NECK

One thought
fuels it all

A complete write
filled with words

One spark
is all it takes

To ignite a mind
filled with emotions

A flame from within
to warm others with your
PASSION

To share,
to connect, to expose and
ACCEPT

One solution
for many
PROBLEMS

One answer
for many
QUESTIONS

One write
for others
SUPPORT

All stemming
from one
THOUGHT
WORD
SPARK
IGNITE
WRITE
POEM
and
One love
POETRY

No vacancy amidst this heart and mind

The sign well lit for all to see that crosses my path

An aftermath to a blurred past mixed with undesired emotions

My soul a landlord to an apartment of bad tenants

Well not anymore as all the flaws have received notices

It’s time to GET OUT ! I’m done no longer willing to be the host

One by one, door by door, I’m meeting them all and personally saying goodbye

Some I have known longer than others, while some only a few years

It may take a while but I dream for the day they all get out
FINALLY

And then I can start fresh with a total makeover from within
REMODEL

Only then will I accept applications for good morals and values

That’ll be the day when I can feel good and be proud of myself

That day isn’t quite as far away as one may think as I keep
KICKING THEM OUT

And with each argument or self acknowledgement I feel a little more strong

Gaining the confidence to continue to carry on with this mission I’ve had for so long

Decisions amidst your mind

DRINK                            THINK
FIGHT          MIND.        WRITE
REGRET.                    FORGET

Choices within your heart

LOVE.                               HATE
BEAUTY.      HEART          PAIN
FORGIVER.                  BITTER

What will you decide?  

                     ?

GOOD.       SOUL.           BAD

                      ?

Born a book with empty pages

Nurtured into loveless chapters

Raised into a book of terror

Escaped the book before the ending

Regardless what I do, I just can’t erase the summary of that story from before I became an adult

It’s a part of me that I can’t live without but rather have to accept in order to write on

So this new book will be filled with all my chosen words except for the intro

Because that’s who I was before
becoming the author of my life moving forward

TRANSFORMATION

Scary the contrary to the exposed soul hidden behind the beauty of a masked man

His real intentions he never
mentions nor will he ever admit to his hidden agendas

A jar of hearts he has collected from the many victims along the way to his unknown journey

It wasn’t until she came along and saw right through him that he had to answer for his actions

Literally it scared the hell out of him as the demons left screaming it’s all her fault

But it was to late the damage was done so he laid afraid of himself without her love

Much guilt from the past all built up he felt would forever last until he got  help

Releasing all the hearts from that jar, many years of collecting and now all gone

Free from him , from himself, from them but now she the one to solve it all IS GONE

His soul now cleansed but his heart he feels is caught in her love's jar and SHE’S GONE

FOREVER

I’m on fire
STOP, DROP & ROLL

I’m hurting
SIT, KNEEL & CRY

My heart is broken
NO CURE FOR THAT

My body feels weak
SIT, LAY & RELAX

None of this matters,  SHE’S
GONE, DONE & MOVED-ON

MISSING
AMBER ALERT