If you asked
I would say yes
Because
You’ve never asked
And if you told me
I would do it
Because you never have
If you searched
You would find me
But you didn’t look

Parts of me that were released
I wish I could put back
They are vulnerable

raw
*****

A ****** mess of emotion
It hurts too much
I was fine before

surviving
existing

But this is Torture
I want off this ride
It only was a glimpse of the good

flashed
disappearing

Like a falling star across the sky
It lit up my eyes
For some precious moment

gone
again

I’m trying to shove the fragile back in
But it won’t fit
It grew to much being out

edges
frayed

I’m tired of healing
The scars itch and hurt
Just let me rest

Am I out of place?
Knocked askew
Into
An alternate lane
One I didn’t want
Did I need?
All that matters
Is this charging cloud
Lightning bolt
Scoured
Into
A figment attachment
To be opened
At a later Date

Regret that
Now I’m stuck
Removal of points
The parts didn’t equal
It came apart in moments
Stimulation dropped
Like the temp
It meant
nothing

understanding alludes Me
who Holds the moxie
or the pattern of Ardor
another unanswered puzzle
as you set aside vulnerability
you will Lead the trails of grandeur
Coaxing for more
yet there is Resistance
need is Encroaching
waiting to plunge

You slid into me
Telling me to
Hold still
Hold
Stay
Move
I clench
You bite
Hide me
Precipice
Hold
Me
Still…

Release it all

You inspire me
with the brush of your fingertips
Across the expanse
of that systematic galaxy
It’s a dancing melody
that twinkles a song
to the crescent moons of frequency

Everyday feels like Friday,
Except Friday.
Friday feels like Monday.
I think about a Saturday.
Saturday is a Friday evening.
Sunday feels like a Friday after the party.
Monday thru Thursday blends,
Into one long *** Friday.
But I’m home.
None of this makes sense.
The days blend.
Oh they blend some more.
I keep waiting for the weekend I guess.
When the longest week of my life
Is over.
TGIF

To err
Or blunder
In ways
Of thunder

To *****
Or fake
It blows
The snake

So bogus
To bust
Or focus
In lust

If I can
I will push you off
To see how well
You are balanced
I want to know
If you are already
Leaning over the edge
Will it take a shove
Or just a little pinprick
I might even help you
Walk to the side
Hold your hand
While you take a gander
Tell you that is ok
To peer over the side
Because that’s the easiest
Way to let go

I’ve experienced the wetlands
and the desert today
Had that oasis
in the dry doldrums
I was a thirsty *****
then given your ladle to drink
Searched for the shade
in shallow sands
I found a harlot’s haven
amid those haughty hymns
It was a day of extremes
before I rested in a dream

My feet tread endlessly
Searching for the truthful path
Needing somewhere to obtain peace
Finding a direction

These shoes are confining
There is no comfort until removal
But my footprints seem obvious
And I think I’m lost

I yearn for help
Others that might boost my endurance
There must be a path that matches mine
Prints that would hide my own

Turning, twisting my toes along
Some agile and then slow swaggering
Take me to directionless ends
Could my turn be now?

My soles are weary
I trek along
Wanting quiet oblivion
My heels will rest soon

These steps only know the next one
Only one moment to the next
Never a direct line
Never a distinct direction

Yet I feel strength in my stride again
Taking a step, a turn, a twist of my own
Tomorrow is today
The journey always beginning

Because I moved

I’ll take your gleanings
Anything that you show
Laughter is my medicine
So I’ll catch what you throw

I sought for understanding
In words that you spoke
There was usage in denial
And whimsy in your joke

I knock on your door
While standing by your side
Searching for answers
Within your moodish tide

When you reach out
I shift my perspective
Putting thoughts in the grave
To appear I’m receptive

I keep some of me hidden
Because I’m frightened of you
You can render those gleanings
Then leave without a clue

Will you awaken me again
Or cast me to pasture
As you seek greener fields
For another to capture

But take your gleanings
Anything that you give
Put it in my heart
So that I might live

I can easily disappear again
Into the shadows and dark
Run away to the comfort
Of my closet within

I could hide in the sight
Plain as as the pixels
To many or none
That cover your day

I would get a new name
Perhaps a new number
A figment that changes
Yet stays the same

I will not be the normative
Something used and shorn
When dancers of envy come
I walk to another room

I could disappear tonight
And maybe I should
Would you ....

exploring without shame
giving to each other
judgement is gone
no apathetic stoicism
let’s see the beauty
in this sanctuary
here is my peace
the nag of You’re A Failure
it disappears
do you care about my soul
do you see
the sadness and strength
in my eyes
in me
do you want to know more
the Dark
the light
the SilLy
not afraid of your feelings
your passion
it seeps through your eyes
and I want to
Capture it
Hold it
Savor it
embrace the dichotomy
of passion and control
erupting with life
fulfilling
joyful life

wish you would
leave me alone
and I would hate that
want you in my life
but out of it
and away
need your touch
despise it
making me feel like the sexiest
as my ego suffers

I would be all in
and more
I would bring the agony
and ecstasy
You would bring
the joyous devastation

I cried your tears
Filled you with laughter
You gave me

A Yearning

You are the carrot
The oasis
The shelter

Cover me. Feed me. Sate me.

And now….
I know.
And you told me enough.
What I needed to hear from you.
******.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
But hey,
you know,
at least I’m a person.

It had dissipated.
To tiny dots.
Until...

one day
it was about persuasion
that thing that ponders
or entices your mind

Come Hither
My Sweet
Saccharine
Succubus

looking toward the call
of fluffernutter folly
it was inevitable

Truly The Thoughts
‘Twere Thwarted
‘Til

... the lowly lurker
lay waste
onto the ether
of Madness

Stimulate
The mind
Body
Soul
Reach in
Throughout
Caress
Tickle a thought
Lick and nudge
Find the thread
Twist and tweak
Enchant
Whispered
Temptations
Reel in
Penetrate
This body
My mind
and Soul

Suddenly
i feel small
Like The World Grew
i don’t know
The Difference
Between Right
                 and wrong
i only know acceptance
And Rejection
Scared of Emotion
wanting so much
Hearing
Not You
Not Yet
Not This
Not Now
                  NOT

I’m curious
If ....
One of these days
You
Will suddenly do that thing
The thing I want
The movement
I need
Or ....
Maybe you will give
A friendly word
Clue
Hint
Discovery
A tangible mutualization
To me
And ....
Then
I might
Be able to breath
Again
Or .... stop
Thinking so much
If ....

anyone there?
don’t want to be
alone tonight
so I begin

a Dance with a stranger
as we Kiss in step
into a new sugar High
and you…

sweet as a Beast
in a river of Fire
let it Rain down
And let the Storm rage

So be It
Send me over
The Edge
And I’m Hung
Up and Overdue
For You

… let’s figure it out
and in, again

I tried
I tried with you
I was a mess but I tried
I gave you a piece of me and
I tried to give you more
I tried to make it work
I tried for you
I tried for us
I tried

Bumbling and fumbling
Under a different disguise
Little more grumbling
Lying about the tries
Similar to yesterday
Having said it all before
It is about the forte
That was actually a bore

I  am afraid of losing you
Because time passes
A few days, then weeks
of nothing
Then that one time
Of months…

And when that Fear
seeps in
Grassy plains cover my eyes
As I think/know
You are on the other side
Of the valley
Or deep in the Everglades

Would or Could there be
A reunion
Maybe some kind of
First Communion
A sweet & salty
collaboration
That might sate  
That verdant fever

Until then . . .

For faces and waists
Abs and butts
And whatever else you want
enhanced or cut

Skew it and filter it
and cook it for a while
Any way you want,
you will be in style!!

With a background or not
Bring on four more
Packed muscles for you
So you won’t be a bore?

It’s a new dawn
And even if it’s not,
You can make it so
With push of a dot.

Good luck to you all
For there are fish in the sea
Don’t know if they’re cats
But probably

stealing my Hope
smashing goodness
turning stomachs

I yearn for pleasure
Yet Only taste Bitterness
just that Sour aftertaste

there is a Funk
left to Spoil
and Rot

then my Fortress is drawn
around an aching Heart
with many walls

walls that turn
to Mazes, Cages and Safes
Storehouses of unwanted feelings

I am tormented
within my Fortress
it frightens me

will the walls be broken down?
they must
but...it won’t happen?

My Heart
is not hardened
because of these walls

it’s Only shattered
to where
there is no substance

My Spirit is depleted
and frustration is my quencher
Ha! What does it matter?

I remain
And I linger
And I still
Hope

I think…
I don’t want to be …
I’ll be …
But that’s it
No more of the …
Cuz it feels so fake
I’m too confused
I’m …
but not …
We aren’t in a …
And I should enjoy …
They aren’t going to …. … ..
It’s just my …..

Well…
I’m learning …

****!

How do I do this now?

Where does this desire belong?
Carnality of Casual
Visual or Charitable
Is there a long-term Resilience
or just an entertainment
Awaiting Constancy
Itching to disturb
The gentle balance
Yet the temptation is Resisted
Holding back while
Craving the Reveal
hesitations on each side
solitude continues
distance remains
placation or Trust
All that is Required
is More, HA!

You don’t know
The lengths of strength
Of fortitude
Endurance
To maintain and gain
Every day of life
As I drive along my path
Steel nerves when I swerve
This bump and that hole
See what you think
But I know
My power and resilience
Where it comes
How it stays
Continuance
Should guessing remain
As frailty rules your skull
To this point
No longer care
As it’s already known
What remains
And who is the mightier

I can’t think about the **** ton of yesterdays
Or the half baked tomorrows
If I dwell on the yesteryears
Then I miss the meanwhiles
Contentment to current events
Leads to a joyous jaunt
Finding the lining is what it’s about
The it of the life journey
You know, the one we are all on

I think about
all the hints and clues
yet
I keep hoping …

But
You just stopped.
It was like You got Your fill
Then You turned off
Maybe it was some **** movement

So

ya just end it?

You Used Me

For money
For access
For favors

i got nothing
few kisses?
and it dwindled

to nothing

should make another plan

Anger
At me
The world
Yourself
Is it fear
For those thoughts
Swirly mess
Hurting
Like bitter darkness
Uncomfortable
Take on more
What sadness
Pain
Of loneliness
Rejection
I know
Also understand
You
Need to be
Wanted
For who you really are

I was waiting and watching
Spying on your mood
You wandered directionless
I saw your script as boring
Was it hope that kept you around
Or just a whim in the sheets
Perhaps a novelty of notion
That snuck upon the mind
Aimless shots were used
With pointless games to all
I knew about it sooner
Than the later was my mistake
I’m sure it’s why you scurried
To other shores or floors
I saw through your muck
And the bovine night soil
That you fed to the masses
For insecurity you hide
Or the adopted bravado
Are obvious deflections
For the damaged soul inside

There are times when I read something, and the tears surface to my eyes.

Not because it’s sad.

They rise to meet the emotion that begins brewing.

I see the letters on the page or screen and can feel the person’s emotion.

It sparks my hunger.

The words stir a reaction that has been buried so deeply that I forgot it existed.

It’s shocking to my system.

To my mind and to my soul.

The words I read can be simple or complex.

The phrases that are strung together somehow reached into this blackened abyss in which I had hidden feelings.

It’s overwhelming and frightening.

It squeezes out a bleeding ache.

I’m left with such a yearning.

All from some simple words.

I gave up tonight
But you didn’t know
I left the room
Yet I was still there
I said I was great
Though inside I was ‘fine’
I dreamt of a new day
As you droned with complaint
I thought of other places
When you sat next to me
I faked a smile
While I comforted you
I forced a hello
And wanted a goodbye

I waited for sign or signal
Telling me you noticed
Would it capture the attention
Of a sought out phantom

Was tormenting myself
With a patient attitude
I fought the stubborn meal
Finding dissatisfaction

I’m sure you turned around
As I saw those telling tracks
But you were as impatient as I
So we both missed the feast

**** it all
I really hate this song
Makes me all teary

The most cheesiest song

And I love it
Gives me hope

I hear it...

and your ******* face
pops into my head

Yeah, that was a first

******

Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Yet everyone stares
Until it’s too much to bear
And the weight of your sorrows
Crash into tomorrow

Everyday
There was that reminder
Of ****** ******* ****…

So take a ride
A Free Ride
With that Reset button
Saying “**** No”
to the *******
And “Hell Yes!”
To the other *******

You know the ones
The ones on that
Single Free Way
enable that Turbo Boost
Knight Rider
Slam onto the gear shift
to glide over the top
of all the ******* shitbirds

over time
those feelings

You know the ones

warm, tingly, sentiments
those tiny titillations
of torture
they can grow

You know how

deeper and stronger
like a thunderbolt
right into your soul
singing a sigh of

‘Oh **** this is happening’

at the same time
converse is true

Feelings Fade.

That numb feeling
Of not caring anymore
It scours the eyes
Not seeing past the scratches
Preoccupied by the dull ache
Sensing it more than experience
Trying to spark an ignition
That melts in the ice
Another chance
Maybe not
Lost again
In my mundanity

Be yourself…
**** that.
No one wants that
Myself….
What is that?
A ******* nutcase
Why do I even try?
I am lame…
And not quite the same
I messed up.
Yet I know
They got around it?
And now
We’re ******….
Because
I will put ‘em off.
And then, that’s it
Because
I don’t do that
The placating ****…
I see it
Want to throw up
Therefore,
I’m done.

(Like an over cooked steak)