After all this
time, even after I've
flipped the page, the poem from before
remains stamped, traced, on every single new one it
behaves as if it's at home to rhyme and all
refusing to erase the stupid
marked engravings until
my fall

Would it ever
die? regenerating from some past
life, even when it says 'the next one'
I flip again, but guess
what? it flips me with an unmet
joke, a well planned
lie, over & oversoaked until
my demise

No surprise
anymore, expected remains on every
corner, filling pages before tears and
engravings fade in, with
my diluted pain on a new
notebook no chance to spend, it's
ruined in advance until
my end

                                                            ­                               ------ravenfeels

Ghosting corridors with a bottle in my hand
Was I transported back in time somewhere I'm
Supposed to understand...
How do you stand? Already
My mind I'm hosting-I'll just rant:

Quick sand-Quick slant
I’m drowning
Catch my hand
I’m baffled, frowning
Why is your laugh sounding?

How could you believe?
Eyes that never seemed
To look at you the same way
That you’ve dreamed
In a may May’s written relief, just say

How could you demand?
Abandoning sleight of hands
The unspoken rules, the reprimands
Against lust and fumes-lies?
Against moon spoken eyes

Where do I land?
After dusting the coast
After moments I boast
Still I trip the sand...
Am I being scammed?

The bottle in my hand
Transported to a shrinking corridor,
Not some wonderland-over what span?
My mind I'm hosting
Make a wish? (****): Door Slam


                                                          ­­                                  ------ravenfeels

Turning through the pages
Rummaging for some line that speaks about you
Turning the ends of my laces
Plummeting for a moment you'd fade
Into something new

You’ve been striving to catch that train
Where people match your face and dandy suit
They clap when your cup is filled with pain
So go ahead, go ahead, pack your case
Fill your boots

Tell me if you’ve mended the way
Towards the compass that calls for you
While the mother calls on the other sea bay
Mosaic sherds falling through a cage don't mistake them
For some dew

I hear you screeching on your own bile
A broken statue with an eyesight soured
Trapped? Oh trapped you've been for a while
Alexander’s hair powdered
Run, run free, free and wild

Broken ego, broken heart
Was your patience hanging on a cliff?
I’ve been hugging the ground
From the start
While you've lost sight of the glyph


                                                                                            ------ravenfeels

think you've crossed a line
knowing you better, soured like a lime
I'll just toss it all behind
me, the dose I won't deny
and no, you don't need to remind
me, the fine lines have come to a subside
falling apart
has redeemed the heart
keeping to myself, degrades counting
them petals of a sad, sad serenade
backing it up in my mind's Ether
tickles feel like a fever
by all means
upon me it seems
you entering dreams
leads to "redeem me, oh redeem"
is actually you entering the subconscious
leaving violins, the absolute mess
acting like they couldn't care less
and there goes the hanging incense

                                                        ­­                                    ------ravenfeels

I took a look
on what are my options to die
turns out a cluster of Zionists have it planned out already
predating my birth

it didn't even matter
whether I involved their map
or not
it didn't even matter
I wasn't human enough

oppression yields oppression
interest following interest
they're all "resolving" it out, together
under the weather
even my own people
couldn't spit the same letters

I took a look
on what are my options to live
lives dusted to the right
lives dusted to the left

oh, to paint the wall red
with every blood shed
but there was never bodies
heard them evaporate, I dread

                                                                                            ------ravenfeels

Slippery ground, watch how you walk
Around me, silvery mirror until you
See yourself, hesitant to even
Be someone missing, anxiously to
Be found, powerful confidence, yet
Strangled to a tree, performing the stage, WHAT AN
ANIMATED SCENE!, strident I come, did I
Break your SOULFUL JUNK?, brittle to the
Heart, never been dead, "try 'HELL' once", heard he
FLED!, far, far away to the
OROTUND---what a disarray,
CAUGHT, reminiscent of the ethereal breathy
PROMPT, the one underlined on my notebook stumped in
Gruff, escorted with an angelic
Background, penetrating the dawn's dunes, honeyed
MEMORIES survive, I laugh with them what to
DO?!, euphonious by sound, tremulous by
TUNE, were we even somebodies before falling in
'JUNE'---dismantled some sunshine, was I a raging
SWOON?, well, for me I don't know
WHY---still, they said I'd have to recover
SOON---for you, I think there's no chance to find someone
NEW

                                                                                            ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, in different shades...

Life
an acquaintance
since January
sought me in its life
for the temporary

Diluted from the lover trance
in its shade I bathe
in happenstance
I pass it
to fade
in a feverish crowd
like a breeze of ghostly remembrance
dumped by the hustle
by all these sounds

We meet silently
dividedly
appointed to exile
sometimes we regret
the rivalry in piles
of overlaid cement
with a nonchalant style

It seems so
when our tired shadows
glimpse at each other's forms
then resume to go

Blocking the inseparable
what a theatrical element
clueless detriment
clueless sentiments
to the flow
not to a ruler's measure
or an on-guard show
------------------------
I guess we've always known


                                                         ­                                   ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, freezed not a word:>
_four year old poem alert

can I leave
although my returns can’t handle mistreat
choking on the shields that they reveal

the stack is packed
the thoughts are hacked
and my acceptance to the fate is verging on stance

do I sore free for the sake of my flee
and redeem the escape
of the torturous bleach under my feet
or do I abandon my daemons of feels
and scratch a sinful crime of a resentful scheme

the ties are secured
and the doors are uptorn
my legs give up to the shore
and I stand up to no more

the search is at stake
and time flicks with no shame
but the place is not here to be faced

the venture is trapped
in a venging mishap
the yellow is freezed to an uptown
and everything becomes diseased to drown

the green uptakes
and the lakes create
an explode of scents
in the middle of no ends
in the ashes of the questionable whens

                                                          ­                                  ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, sinking I sink---

the truth is, you're my safe street
lulling me every night to sleep
I whisper to you religiously like a creep
but I'm falling down, down, down, from the steep

the pearl there on my neck
heavy, still I won't let
hiding it, from the moment I've bet
holding it in a net

that you, and only you I'd let
to not be a reality that I'd wipe out nor forget
shipwrecked in dirt
do I regret?
been waiting for a dawn, some sun has set......

through the manhole, hear me mutter
sinking I sink
retrieving the ink
on you spent not some other
in my drenched sweater I stutter
shut me out, shut me up, close the **** shutters

out of this street, some sidewalk to a lover
now the ink is splashing in water-no-color
bother me, I'm not one to bother
set me free, surely I'd come to recover

                                                        ­                                    ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, not what you think....

knew the dark before
never knew how dark it would get
the watch of every window
getting closed on itself, or so they let
in the corner watched
feet hitting the ground, like some time is set
only few let the ground
not swallow their view of palm, let it not regret
can't get the night out of this
nor can the night take this back, not in bet
not in hack
the connectedness relates to its memory
and the memory of connection won't forget
it's packed
the street knows the corner heavily
yellow to its eyes, present of the verb met
for a self-meeting with the color of teal
to be lent
does one know how to cry?
from a different angle, from a perspective sent
secrets play the end
silence seated on a bench, funding its debt
and then, you realize
what you know is the threat
to know the dark in core
to know how dark it would get

                                                            ­                                 ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, 16-X-'23 : 6.52 : if prevailness is a word>

I like the cold
It reminds me of myself
Of the real
The sun is a delusion
To our goodness
Its shines in sake
Yet
Then
There comes a time
Where I've realized its coldness
The cold
Diminishes from the idleness of life
Life itself
It discloses its true value
Its diligent matter of cyclic deviation
Its formation of natural consequence
By default of reality
Its season of fault
To the guilt of less effort
Or so you think
The Mother is not there to just be there
Nor does it splash its heavy loading
Some container of water in excess
It's a thing of conscience thought
A concern in its being
A prevailness in its giving
Upon a hope
An aspiration
Of it not going in vain
I understand the diligence
Yet
I don't understand
I can't comprehend the likeness of the sun
Nor its goodness
Does it have to be the one
Who does the giving?
......................................

                 ­                                                                 ­           ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, normally I'd leave the leaf to the breeze....let the breeze know that IT I CAN SEE.

If you'd know me
you'd know my eyes won't deceive
If you'd know me
you'd know my mouth won't retrieve
If you'd know me
you'd know sun, moon, & leaf
If you'd know me
you'd know how much I'd grieve
& that's the problem of knowing me
it's always trying & trying
& trying to understand
something that my words,
sometimes my look
would silently demand
trying to understand
WHERE
does the amount of
concern come from
so that the grief grieves & becomes
something of a demeanor
trying to keep other people's reflections
in my memory a print
something of their unbeknownst complaints
they don't know
about any of that
their oblivion makes them
make less of themselves
themselves in their mouths to churn
making less of my mind out again
in return
yet they do sense of me doing it
but doing what exactly?
they'll never know
but they'll keep on trying
trying to know
so only if they'd known me
only would they might
might get a little stolen steel
a little insight
all in all
they'd never reach me
they'll never find
I prefer to watch the leaf fall

                                                           ­                                 ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, 25-X-'23__5:01<=

Interesting to know
Not necessarily to show:

The human essence
Is an octavian star
Branching upon its definitive
Existence
One which we proudly
Ignore the infinite's branching
In its shadow we linger
Finitely standing
Lingering as if we know
What color it beholds
Some decorative spectrum it loathes
To be blinded by white shadow
Of the branched light
Adjacent below
So what we know
Is one of a show
In which we name
In which we smoke
The shadow we bathe
The shadow we soak
The grave we dig
the grave we loathe
Call the barrier danger zone
Call the barrier freezing snow
Explain to me
Define your thoughts
Define a territory you claim you bought
Meh
Who am I even to sought; (?)
Display your colors
Display your coats
Calling ashes your most trusted troops
Hiding under those seven loops

                                                                                            ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, honestly----:

I am taken back
by my own image
being accessible to the world
I forget people's expression
still I know how to read it so well
I forget my own expression
still it is one in my mind a print
I dwell
to cough it out
***** the drought
I shall not speak of the walls, to add
they shudder into
in a concave shape
they remind me of their inconsequential stay
& to their mercy I am doomed
Do you even have a clue?
Do I even know to whom?
Am I talking-(?)
Am I walking-(?)
Am I RAMBLING-(?)
I despise---
No cross that: Backspace
I am tired of searching
in disarray
in dull dead eyes
nonchalantly
thinking I'll find my reflection
in people barely living through
Honestly, I must say
I'd rather not know what to do
  
                                                                                            ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, the golden: (every word meant)

ONE more year
2022-2023
couldn't he?
is 3sixty five days a bit too much to ask?
the moment of leave
the moment that actually defied MATH
ONE of the all left & gone
Do you know what that even means?
my idea of the improvised life
would've taken another 'responsibility'
would've been revived
ONE that would break
the ONE distorted continuity
And I'm NOT
no I'm NOT
NOT talking
Oh no I'm NOT
talking about some lost lover
what it means is even worse
NOT talking about a parent
nor a Mother
I'm talking about my idol person
my life's mentor
a teacher person
a friend human
I told him:
'you inspire us more than you think'
he laughed it off;
knowingly to its mean
into the blink
of which I always think
he knew
he had to leave again
Again to leave
don't get me wrong
I'm proud you see
but again
To Leave
The left
is our bodies
of 6ix, 7even, & 8ight
BODIES
scattered ahead
heads nodding
Improvising
Improvising
Improvising
that's all we've ever known
AGAIN
to the SECOND CITY we reached a fail
because To the reached
to be reached
is a long gone ship sailed
And my old self reads a paper
for some advise to be 'preached'
erasing the once To be reached
DO YOU KNOW THEM FEELS?
the ONEs ought to the golden trumpet's week?
I am weak
define my feels
I don't want to seem
TO BE nagging
but please tell me
DO YOU KNOW THEM FEELS?
the ONEs when you have to press ******* DELETE?
DO YOU KNOW THEM FEELS?
that I've had to thrown in a matter
of ONE alone sick year?
Again to fly
To look up to the SKY
after ONE meet's high
on a February's lie
upon the April's subside
& ONE which June
aimlessly
ironically
denies
DO YOU KNOW OUR FEELS?
DO YOU KNOW MY FEELS?
Dreams get lost
Dreams get crashed
Hearts get broken
Hearts backlash
Reality seeps in
Reality back stabs
I know no control
talk to me
about a stash
about a future
a plasticity
one which I refuse to be
yet I see you
you see
we observe each other
our harmony
long time
in no see
my humor withdraws
the purple room
haunts me
wooden blocks
shatter
me & the latter
our intermediate selves
splatter
cleaning tables
we ate on
we gathered
ONE YEAR YOU SEE
I'd like back my FEELS
of the previous
one, twos, & threes
STILL THE TABLE IS NOT CLEAN
tea 56 times a day
I drink
I swallow
violins know how to play
sad feels on display
follow your follow
out of my head
out of my lane
out of bed
everyday
to the shadow in the wall
I kinda pray
anyway
don't wait for us
don't wait for ME
I suggest we continue
Improvising
my friend
acting that way
(you see)


                                                          ­                                  ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, draft#something=

what they knew later
was what I've known from before
& what I've wished to know later
was there wish to have never known
  
                                                  ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, draftz:;;;;;;;;;

I aspire for the horizon of hope
for hope itself
for it
I hope for the best
still the best itself
I am not aspiring for
I shall wish for it
aspire for it
yet shall I not live it
shall I see it from afar
yet never the to-be engrossed
in the mist of it
in the midst of it all
because
the moment of the fall
of the horizon into a sky of whole
the full picture of the reached hope
of the so-called they call
(let's say I call it a pit hole,
according to your missed time)
with that
I won't know how to breathe
in it within
in it anymore
it would be the crash of dreams
the mist of the fatal breeze
the one of free
the midst of flee
the place to be
but I know
that it is not
not even a to-be close
for this being for me,
for the shackles of the horizon
remains a reminisce of its remains
the talked about antiquity delivering past trace
a once past trail
that would hail
the almightiness of me
the above golden flee
of authenticity
upon the inauthentic gleam
so if the verge shall I see
shall it be
the ****
the death
the doom
of me
if it shall be the homogeneity
of some picked up pieces
from the heterogeneous scene
the one that created a place
a sphere
a haven
the raven's nest you see
then the question I attest
is the one lingering behind
for what I've wished
to abide
was for the best
so to the one who differentiates
a 'conscience's voice'
where does that turning point locate?
allocate me, d'accord?
from your grave
                                                           ­                                  ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, for M.H.K. :)

I sat
startled by the dead rock
talked to its wind, responding with a nod
chatting:
I suppose people out of date
out of stock
been looked at so questioned
what should

a promise I shook
hands with to keep for
good, to keep for worse
already knowing the door handle if the
door stood up for a logical force

for the familiarity to
pertain, individuality speaking about protectiveness of a sword
I suppose myself aware of purple
leaves in certain
to keep the looped
downfall, truly to the word

flipping through leftover
meals to minds sold
experience essenced of trailed up
thought after the show
footsteps pressing footsteps to
the underworld living for one
demolished, two-thirds to go

                                                             ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, it is the leap of the known knows of the unknowns:)

be the wither
be the pain
I've written the
wholes of
that one pathed tenth trench and
paced lane of an ever
a ten a twelfth of three sixes
an ever
again, I'd come to come
through in neat shall
the pleasure of today is the same of the
pleasure
of that year

now come
my memory into the eye
onto the foreseen
one through an eye

for the written to them shall
burn to the past to
commit lie
draining my pen
onto the forges
of day in
sublime tortures
dimming my life my tent swallowed by
a fox
a god's a falcon's a once sought
eye

so trace my words I write
here I write have written today for
they shall be past of some lesson of
a mean just the same tell
them to read tell them to listen well
indeed for a poet's riddles shall
trick and deceive tellers the
tortures till moons till
the one till of hell

                                                                   -----ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, who's watching me now?: I'm not liking the capitals:)

I don't like people seeing me think
I feel exposed----
to the lots
of the knows
It's like they're reading my mind
they're reading my thoughts
It's like they're reading my lines
they're reading my poems
It's like they're reading my rhymes
they're reading my tone

But I know that they're not watching
it's just a mindless look
But I know that they're not
when they can't see behind my lots
But I know that they're not
when they throw off comments
shooting their shots
in ******* me off
in slaughtering nods
in not ending with dots
in being a being of a being bot
& confinement is their knot
when their tongues are off dirt
& a look is now a flirt
& the means to being humane
is one luxurious walk in a desert
& the question is an alert
gotta be sane in here by effort

Who's watching who?
Who's watching me now?
You have to be reserved
or else you pay for the blurt?
Get yourself onto the lane
or else a doom of an inert
so 'go ahead,
I support dancing :
just not under the rain'
sorry you'll stain?
so go
go
go
go compose yourself to the knows
drink your tea
keep it nursed
do it all
all rehearsed
die of life
die of thirst
don't count me, me don't assert
me no insert
in your park
in your scene
in your perch
Go get your tickets
go buy your theme
to that seat
to that concert
of the so called dream
                                                           ­                                ------ravenfeels

survival mode Liban
the logos of the statement just like any other
some curse it like it's some occasion
maybe it just needed a vocation
instead of the maybe
so the intelligence of its diction comes at cost
that one of its mind jailing mine
the ability of writing today is the lack of writing tomorrow
why does it have to be
for the words
to be a hostage
of the momentum of a pen
the golden age of today for me is the golden age of tomorrow
again with the maybe
or maybe not
already noted a 'useless' spot
the older I get the smaller I feel
from the exposure to the lots of the real
the younger I was the bigger I felt
from here
from the bubble of the lots of the real

                                                           ­                                -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, how many journals do you go throughout the year?

he fades
for real this time
I'm losing sleep over myself
not over him
over his rhymes
if I can prove his existence in my brain
I can't
it doesn't even exist
even if it does
still not the same
his effigy is one for the flames to eat
and for the bridge to burn
on my poems his body lays
a skeleton my feet passes in between
thoroughly
between the lines standing in the way
dust coming back to follow me
with no second thought
or maybe just one
one thought between me & myself
how many more journals can I go through?
through which I go out of throughout the year
through which I go out of thought about cleaning up
some fear
of this dust from all over my poems
so give me back my poems
the winters that went away
those are mine to keep
to show them
until the last page
of it
of it all
and don't read them
because then you'd have to call

                                                           ­                                     ------ravefeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, 2:45 on WED 9-VIII-'23------

comin’ back here, meetin’ up
crumblin’ in a domino’s loop, when
order expires, we’ll be in this famine too
even on this sea deck, the army’s list check
all track of them names
what they gave me
clearly none match here
so what’s with the deal?

some of those bodies lack the means to tolerate
look at the branches processin’ its roots’ betrayal
if you don’t give in to death you give devastate
washin’ its trail, burnin’ on pale
instead of goin’ on this life to bail

letter in green, waterin’ hands hangin’ in misery
emotional swallow, a liquid to this numb thing
to him towards, wordin’ is a war
doubled reality
jump the war zone the freezing state bone
as you recall the real

some of those bodies lack the means to tolerate
drowning this pride is one’s own self’s defeat enslaved
if you don’t give in to death you give devastate
washin’ its trail, burnin’ on pale
instead of goin’ on this life to bail

those branches would come to rejoice
rejoice the tree’s roots and its crown
matterin’ some asphalt upon
upon which feet would come to frown
and they would soldier their way
soldierin’ their way into the crowd
like it’s the March of their lives
the life they would brink to survive
sheddin’ the fears that they bound
to cancel the love of a waitin’ wife

some of those bodies lack the means to tolerate
black eyes will come to nurse the rednesses’ space
you think you see his skin, when you see his stain
washin’ its trail, burnin’ on pale
he doesn’t want to know the norm
the serve of them flames, huggin’ them blades
not minding the storm
washin’ its trail, burnin’ on pale
instead of goin’ on this life to bail

                                                           ­                                ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, did I ever mention that my account's password is actually a repeated line on this page?(stupidity 101) :)

sometimes the blocking of the words
is better than them being said unfinished
& sometimes the say of them unfinished
is better than them being blocked
so which one is it of the above
if the battle of the must & the mustn't shall redeem
so which one is it all along
if the consequences of the last aren't showing the next
so which one is it
if it must or it mustn't

                                                        ­          ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, that May ****, for this May birth:)

into the walk
of an empty talk
to the truths of the blue
& the holds of that hue
yet aimlessly
with the ones who planted me
yet anonymously
as if not once it was me
it is still
eventhough I'm existing without paying the bill
keen
scared of some '******' spleen
again I become
a foretell I welcome
for the chimes to ting
& the walkdown interrupted by a ring
like the one of the pathed light
except there was a flight
of every single emotional wheel
indistinguishable from them those of the infamous feels
& I seem to foget!
so remember what was, is, & will be dealt
upon this eye
the twitch of it in the blink of the lie
the man of the glance
not giving a double chance
of the one with the mystery, hence
so I go back to where nothing makes sense
    
                                                           ------ravenfeels