The sun is out.
Big and beautiful.
Through my eyes the sun has gone.
There is only darkness and sorrow.

The sun is bright.
Blue and warm.
Through my eyes I feel cold and lifeless.
There is only darkness and sorrow.

Will I feel the sun once more.
Will I feel the heat and warmth from the sun once more.
Will the sun shine through to me once more.

Has the sun gone forever 😪

Tonight I say hello,
Hello to a light that shine,
A shine that has been gone far too long.
Long enough to make me sad.
Sad enough to think I do not matter in this world.
World big enough to hide within.
Within this life all that matters is tonight!

I cared,
I loved,
I tried,
I wanted.

You cared,
You crowded me,
You  drained me
You took from me.

Friendship, what does this really mean.   To me it meant caring, respecting, listening, giving and most of all dropping my layers to let you in.

What did friendship mean to you?  From my position of you it meant power,  control, isolating and most of all making me feel useless.

I feel sorrow,
I feel lost,
I feel used
I feel lonely.

What do you feel?????????

Yesterday was full of promise.
Today is full of sadness.
Tomorrow is full of potential that I can not see through from our past.
Where did it go wrong?

Yesterday was full of potential.
Today is full of loss.
Tomorrow can be the start of a new beginning if not for the hurt you caused.
Where did it go wrong?

Friendships can make or break you.
Friendships are like the wind and as unpredicted.
Why is it so hard to be honest.
Can honesty be so rare.
All I have wanted to to be respected.
Friendships have drained me.
Friendships are a mechanism to hide one's despicable motives.
Why is Friendships so hard?

Hope at the end of a dark tunnel.  They say feeling hurt is a growing experience.   But when does the hurt stop.

What does hurt actually mean?  Is it being let down,  is it not being seen,  is it not being good enough,  is it a feeling that only surfaced when life is not what you want it to be. Hope is a glimmer shining in the distance.

Hurt comes from letting people in.  Is that wrong or am I supposed to go through life solo.  Hope is that glimmer that letting someone in may change that feeling of I'm not good enough.

Hurt comes from inside me.  Not from someone leaving me because they could not deal with my demons inside. Hope is that hurt decreased and those demons don't surface to others in my life.

It's time I stopped hurting inside.  Blaming that person who took a chance on me is wrong.   There was a side they liked and the Hope is that side over time becomes the full me.  Inside and out.

There is Hope, that shimmering light will come again and I will find someone that sees inside me. That I've changed. That I've taken my demons and turned them into a nice person inside and out. Then that Hope will find me that special someone.  

So I thank you for the hurt I felt when you left. Because now I see why the hurt and the need for Hope.

Today is for relaxing.
Tomorrow is for stressing.
Life is hard enough without the added pressures from the outside world.

What is relaxing? It's over rated as the mind continues the movie. Therefore today is not for relaxing.  Today is the constant.

Constant memories, constant why did it happen to me,  second guessing everything and everyone in my life.   Today is not relaxing at all.

Need to stop these negative thoughts going round and round on a loop.  It was not my fault,  it was never my fault and the movie inside my mind has to change the channel but how?

Today needs to be a new chapter,  so relaxing is the challenge.   I will change the channel today.   Today is the new tomorrow.

Plants are precious,
Animals are precious,
Environment is precious,
Human beings are precious.

So why is it human beings take such precious things for granted.
Such as feelings,  emotions,  love,  lost.

We care for plants,
We care for our animals,
We care for our Environment,
But we don't care for each other.

Where has the old fashion ways of knowing or neighbours.
Saying hello with a smile,
Caring about your loved ones,

Is all about what an individual is entitled to.  
Taking away the real meaning of intimacy.

Precious is taking the time,
Precious is learning about each other,
Everyone treat everyone that is precious to you with respect.

Tonight I am alone
Why can't I be with you?
You destroyed us and I do not know why.
So why would you do that?
I do not understand how you could do this.
I feel so lonely tonight
The only thing I have is the memories.
Why did you do this?

Life since 25th January 2020 has changed.
Life these days just includes vaccines, death and lockdown.
What are we suppose to do?
Life as we know it is gone.

What does our future look like?
Have we lost ourselves.
Ourselves are evolving into a human race of uncertainty.
Life as we know is developing.

Where to from here?
More uncertainty,  lack of clarity.
What should we do?
Life as we know it has changed.

Changed for good or bad.
It is to early to decide.
But Life as I knew it can not be attained again.   Life for our future is what Life we do not know is what life rebuilding is what we must do.