To Be A Sacrificer:

is to Be A Positive Disruptor:

On the Verge of Defeat

And rise still above it

Different Souls: Once Dark and Lonely

Turning the inside out:
Inside out
Caring beyond what is shown
Inside out
The words were my freedom
Freedom.
Inside out

Love, like art is a form of language, and art just as in love dances with the idea of it, as they become one in the same.

My experiences through time spent with men and women and people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds has made love or finding it stressful, and at times, it has felt almost unachievable.

I wanted recognition more than anything else. Hearing the words made me feel like we fit even though I was shaping our interactions and various conversations to fit my own wants for what I thought could have been.
I learned this is held in what I can only be fostered in a solid trusting relationship.

I also learned that love is not held in questioning or asked in questions themselves, am I the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen?, Aren't we perfect for each other in every way?

These questions weigh down the value of your worth and evaporate the truth of what could be an extraordinary beautiful and unique experience in moving through the journey of exploring love with someone who is also worthy of you too. And as I have learned as with love and friendship, they combine to create the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you and being ok with that.

I have found discovering and rediscovering yourself over and over again is so important in finding a person who truly knows how to love and  wants to understand how to love with you.
It is a journey in loving ourselves through loving another, more refilling and fulfilling ourselves.

This makes us better as human beings in what is such a colored process, both friendship and love, of creating and recreating again.

Wash My Guts: from this Loneliness  

Wash my guts
This swallow never felt so purposeful

Trains myself to be alive
A speeding train feels like my past

Kicked soot
Gone awry

I can't stand here anymore
Too many metaphors
Spinning in my mind


My mind
Stares into scenes I never wished to meet

These are just the patterns of life


Its okay to live even if it hurts
Go ahead
Taste those tears

Put your foot back on the stool

Take your gold tooth out

And fold your hands

Turn your survival chain
Up
back
around

For the family to pass one last time without
Me.

Give up the ghost
I keep going to outside places
Trying to find
The words
I need
to pray

Cause I need something
To find me
Waking
Believing
Being
Your ghost never meant to stay

The other side of a place is a calling
for indifference
That is the other place

I’ve had years of ambiguity
Dark gray rings on laser stripped moonbeams
Tasting the edge of lemon peels
Savouring the after effects on my lips
Like green mint listerine
On my tongue

Unwrapping
the lengths
of my fingers
Feeling like I’ve been tossed away
Still Finding ways of testing
Out
Where the ends connect

Kinesthetic thoughts firing like billiards
Neurons couldn’t keep up
I felt untouched
Without self-worth

Because the specifics have yet to be realized
This was story of my mind
I voided myself

Dissonance felt calm
As wavelengths perused
The earthy sands
Printed their scattered
Particles
Dust flames
Bubbling experiences
Explored moments
Have been the seas
Waiting to erupt into volcanic domes

Lava drenches all that make us: afraid is when the air is nothing but pressure
A temporary frontal sinusitis
Hoping for Freedom from arrested development
Not enough reflection
Felt like Creating everything else
but a still life



I am looking for my other
In another place

I’ve heard for so long:

“You’ve seen so much
Which enables you
To understand so much”


The lack inside
Composed
My cravings
To raise a standard in me
I never knew existed

Acting on all of my learning
Accumulated awareness
as a young adult woman

This is the beauty of  
Transformation

To know when it’s your time
and to do it with care

How to be: True to Love  

Strike me with your electric love.
Create lightning in a bottle, release to feel our energies rushing through
We are beyond this universe.
And Not to be replicated.

Body
The words we call things

What we say defines so much of who we
Claim

99% form
1% human
Listening and reading an outside reality
Observing block by block

Taking it one day at a time