just someone
desperate to be loved
and not taken advantage of

what is peace
a prelude to conflict
the calm before the storm
one crisis
to the next
the human memory is limited
how blessed we are that it is
with how awful life can be

i already know the answer
but not the why
just to know
i'll survive
or guilt
built up inside
something to hide
back when i wrote disguised
and omitted, comparably to have lied
outside, my mind
dark thoughts that linger behind
lying just a skip away in the subconscious
the past haunts
the trauma that binds
the things i have still yet to find

it was, first sight
and my heart was alight
my head was spent between pages
and lost in thoughts
leading a sad kind of celibate life
not that hands didn't reach out to hold
but their grip would feel loose
because only yours would be tight
wounds from abuse
stitches with a rusty needle
threading like barbed wire
i am bleeding
pulling them out
but i put them there
so i'll be alright
i've always been waiting
and feeling like a pathetic fool for it
so i just try to better myself
as i worsened

self serving, desperate
loathsome
dimples
i must look off
refreshing

was it hardened amber
encasing an extinct flower
another blunder from another man
time and time again

pompeii
not a care in the world
then yours ends suddenly
and preventative measures could've been taken
if you knew them,
but you know ash
and ebony sky
and obsidian nights
like city streets
cold and unnerving