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first school dance, six
having "***" next
and driving at eight
staying up all night
on the job site
and now i cough black
coke, lsd, psilocybin, ****
scratches down his back
wreaking of *****
ah, to be sixteen
partying
in misery, in poverty
but youth has that specialty
of feeling free
even chained
and schooltime
i didn't try
and did a slight bit
above average
**** if i applied myself
thought i deserved the scholarships
offered
instead of scoffing
getting higher
than everest
wow
my problems have consumed me
i want this to stop
this is not my world
or my people
freak on the outside
and when you get a glimpse
through the peephole
see what i hide
find out it's just as
ugly on the inside
3005
ain't no one
like you
in this life
no one has it figured out
deep seeded insecurities
full of doubt
when i look at you
i see you
when you look at me
you see what i see
and i hate me
so it's just as easy
to hate through
that lense
and your perspective
don't care now
if you worry
what was the point
kept things from you
cause i didn't want you to freak
but now i smoke joints
and think
your reaction
would be a fraction
compared to mine
would've got it through my mind
earlier, how little you care for people
or friends
whatever i was
car living
hard living
waking up scared
cause someone's yelling
random *** street
don't recognize a thing
unconscious but gotta remain aware

like youth
no use
trying to get real
shut eye, not that i can
insomniac ****** on demand
people pleaser *****
since i was ten

it's just trauma
you don't wanna know me
i don't wanna wake
from this dream
and now
i just wanna
close my eyes
i still think the world of you
despite the fact
you're "toxic"
you're just unavailable
to love
to me
oh well
i'd be your friend
but there's no end
to your problems
and never time for mine
or just to converse
like we used to
what do i do
when reaching
is teaching me
that pain is
all you can promise
i guess i got a problem
being on
my own lately
hate me
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