i guess that's it
cause we both know
how cowardly you are
you can be maimed and marred
and still stay stone faced
without so much as a reaction
though you'll need that
considering you can't help from going back
to that pissant who beats
because he's still of some use to you

jade
a stone
hard to crack
especially when
it just lies
or hides
misleads and omits
things convenient
you must actually
think me an idiot

i am sorry
for you to have known
who i am

if i were brave
i would save
you all the trouble
and stay on my own
let me just be
someone you used to know

let me take you
back into my arms
in hybrid moments

insecure, unsure
i should just **** myself
and get it over with

i am only living for others
it all feels so pointless
it all feels empty

and no one respects me
like everyone hates me
and i hate me

i'm disgusting
and blow up
from the littlest things

i, the fool
**** me

i am a freak
all i do
is hurt the ones i love
and abandon them
and then come back into their lives
to wreck things more
what is wrong with me
i cry and ask
covering my face
and curling into a ball
i have no trust
for my friends
and the love i have
is sick, obviously
i don't believe anyone can love me
i wish
for so much
and how much do i give
how much do i work
is it enough
or anywhere near
i have no idea
i can't see clear
past, my past
it fogs my thoughts
and dogs me
till they're present,
there in the moment with me
and i subcum
i am nothing more
than everything i despise

no spine?
that's what replays
through your mind?
let me give you
more ammo
for sleepless nights
anyone can see through you
when you walk around
and act dead
wake the **** up
nothing is working out for me!
oh-uh, yea, i guess i did spend
all my money
i know the radiator is broke
but look! corset, boots, smoke
at least i can pretend
everything is okay
even if no one believes me
even if everything is falling
apart

you are just such a sham of a person
and you say you live
your life for others
but how much you do for yourself
things that serve your self interest
give it a rest
with the self righteous nonsense
or is your head
so far up your own ***
you think yourself conscientious?