She makes me feel inadequate.
  I'll never measure up so **** it.
  Just a mother who hates how I
  make my bed and does it over
  every time and I start to see the
  cracks in her mind and the madness
  that finally brings her to her knees.
  She begs a shrink to put her back how
  she used to be but the puzzle is short
  of pieces and nothing ever seems right.

I'm tap dancing as fast as I can the
    sparks jumping off the sidewalk like
    demon flares half insane in the dark!
    I'd bend over backwards to please you.

    I don't know what rule I've broken but
    I'm sorry. Your brutal silence breaks
    my back. I'm stillborn in a quiet place.
    My dead dreams are angry and screaming.

I was your tiny prisoner
until I burst on the scene
let me out or I'll escape
by the scalpel into being.

Disappearing magician
  I lose myself in a crowd.
  We wake in a bed of roses
  naked, screams upon a cloud.
  You were always Aphrodite
  just out of reach fantasy
  love is lusts faded shadow
  never noticed we let it be.

Wearing a top hat and a straight
  jacket with a monocle and goatee.
  He owns everything like God does.
  Nobody will ever tell him different.
  He'll silence you and disappear you.
  He'll bury your friends and family.
  He'll define what's real and false.
  He's the man who rules the world.
  Our lives are in his cattle cars on
  our way to his indifferent endings.

Wearing a top hat and a straight
  jacket with a monocle and goatee.
  He owns everything like God does.
  Nobody will ever tell him different.
  He'll silence you and disappear you.
  He'll buy your friends and family.
  He'll define what's real and false.
  He's the man who bought the world.
  Our lives are in his cattle cars on
  our way to his indifferent endings.

Wearing a top hat and a straight
  jacket with a monocle and goatee.
  He owns everything like God does.
  Nobody will ever tell him different.
  He'll silence you and disappear you.
  He'll buy your friends and family.
  He's the man who bought the world.
He'll tell you keep the change, don't.

The boat horn blares.
  The good nun swears.
  Passengers all stared.
  Mr. Ripley never cared.

Voluptuous woman full figure and
tight short jeans bending over your
garden as I walk my dogs by your
yard and I wonder at your wonders.
I imagine you'd be wild in bed.
You might scream and sweat as I
tasted you where it matters.
We'd sleep as wasted lovers do.

She was terrorized of heights.
   I marveled at her bravery and
   pain that put her on that cliff
   she jumped and broke hearts
   and more lives than she knew.
   We gather mute to mourn.

Mrs. Reddy
Susan T.
Jeanie D.
Sister Mary Timothea
Virginia K.
Queen of Hearts
Kathy C.
Cindy I.
Betsy W.
Corpse like lover
Karen L.
Boston, MA
Georgine D.
Terry/Tara M.
Lynette K.
Jayne O.
Queen of Hearts

In a womb of my own creation I sit
in a worn easy chair in a rooming
house of old men, in my 20's. I'm on
the top floor attic. 1 bathroom on
the second floor. Up top I have a
*** to **** in and a tinny radio
to listen to classical music while
I drink beers and smoke cigarettes
and read my books, my education,
until in my cups I surrender and
thank God for another day gone.
I wake trembling and try again.
It was a space where I was able
to collect my madness into a
coherent sentence then paragraph
then story that I understood
and followed my yellow brick road
home to my children.

Come now, child, life is long.
Learn loves, hates and pains
as you hum your silly song
a cancer with cruel refrains,
never really actually a Fair.
Most of the herd won't care.
Some will always beware
of a bad luck death stare.

I'm riding razor edge of my mind
kids and a fat wife I left behind
then I fell in love with the others
biology chemistry bookmark lovers.
Guilt will never set lovers free
keep us in public squares in pillory.
Nothing is at first glance as it seems.
I will always chase my broken dreams.

The New Yorker is a magazine that's been around for a long time and has featured poetry and stories and excellent cartoons over the years. I submit poems and buy lottery tickets on the same day. They say you'll get a rejection in about 6 months but I'm coming up on 9 months and honestly just wish they'd reject the whole batch at one time so I can start a new batch. It's like fishing in a toilet. You need to be famous to get printed. Be well!

I lost a lover to another
  blind eye didn't see truth
  playing out before me now.
  My cat lost an eye to cancer
 She comes to me at night
meowing our indignity.

My **** is disobedient with a mind of it's own.
   The **** thing ****** hither and yon simultaneously
   all over the bathroom floor, not to even mention
   how many pickles I've been in. Marry me, it's hard!

   I want to rid myself of it's mischief but I'm enjoying
   the pleasure the little fellow brings me. Hallelujah!
   I seem to spend more and more time alone with it.
   Luckily the **** thing still works its magic. Amen.

I wish that I knew you more
than I knew your brother.
How can I even the score?

I tried so hard to ***.
It doesn't work now.
I almost broke my neck
seeking *** somehow.

I never believed in anything
as much as I believed in you.
I'll never forget you. Your
heartbeat is still in my own.
You taught me how to love.
You taught me patience and
humility and to be kind when
it wasn't deserved but needed.
I need you more than ever to
help find my way back alone.

You got a fast get away car
I have a needle of escape,
no cops no jail no czar.
No crusader in a cape.
Just a quick goodbye
without prison ****.

Surrounded by all this earthly ****
in my happy hour a Springsteen hit
New York City Serenade takes me
back to my youth where I'm naive.
I'm a nasty fat ghost dead certain
at inevitable confessional curtain
judgement's cards are on the table
thumbs up or down or just a fable?

My bike was broke
dad fixed the spoke.
My heart was broke
Jeanie gave me smoke.
Eileen walked forever
listened to my bother.
Kevin bailed me free
I stole dimes for candy.
Terry looked other way
while I ****** the day.

You pose for me from time to time
   I sketch you with my words.
   Perfect curves angles and shadows.  
   Sun frames hair in a halo;
   cheekbones of a movie queen;
   Cleopatra smile of yours
   brings me to my knees.
   You stop time.
   I see forever
   in your eyes.

He came through a wall and stood
  before me. Struck dumb I listened.
  "You've been at war with yourself
  far too long. Come home, son. I've
  loved you all along. Nearly out
  of time your end is coming soon."

I wear his flannel shirt and see his
old hands how can I be free? Let me
live my broken life the best way I can.
You were a war hero but I'm just a kid
who adored you and fell short of the mark.
Give me a mission. I'll fly and die for you.

I wear his flannel shirt and see his
old hands how can I be free? Let me
live my broken life the best way I can.
You were a war hero but I'm just a kid
who adored you and fell short of the mark.
Give me a mission. I'll fly and die for you.

I wear his flannel shirt and see his
old hands how can I be free? Let me
live my broken life the best way I can.
You were a war hero but I'm just a kid
who adored you and fell short of the mark.
Give me a mission. I'll fly and die for you.

I saw a dying brother bleed out.
I watched a madman **** his flock.
Parades celebrated the funerals.
Little boys masquerading as men
played war. Real men died for mud.
Loved ones prayed their rosaries.
No prayers were ever answered on
our street. Gold stars filled sad
windows. Widows cried in private.
They never wanted to dance again.

I saw a dying brother bleed out.
I saw a madman **** his troops.
Parades celebrated the funerals.
Little boys masquerading as men
played war. Real men died for mud.
Loved ones prayed their rosaries.
No prayers were ever answered on
our street. Gold stars filled sad
windows. Widows cried in private.
They never wanted to dance again.

I saw a dying brother bleed out.
I saw a madman **** his flock.
Parades celebrated the funerals.
Little boys masquerading as men
played war. Real men died for mud.
Loved ones prayed their rosaries.
No prayers were ever answered on
our street. Gold stars filled sad
windows. Widows cried in private.
They never wanted to dance again.

She was a **** in a poker deck.
Jimmy Kuhn's dad hid them but
kid's always find the contraband.
I kidnapped the Queen of hearts.
She captured mine. I found myself
in her hands as she made me a man.

She warned me you'd be fat.
  You're beautiful but grotesque.
  I desire and recoil from you.
  Each desert you devour and
  next size up made me flaccid.
  I think of the night we met
  and drink an ocean of wine
  to hide my shallow regret.

Most of us are dead. We never
saw it coming. We are wrinkled
and bald and smell like old people.
We're invisible. You visit us in our
old folks home on our birthdays
to celebrate another year survived.

Wrapped in a pretty box
of promises and kisses
I'm just such a sly fox
give you hits and misses.

I'm 7 but feel like I'm Gramps.
  I smoke the butts in his car and
  drain his beer too warm to finish.
  I want to be him when I grow up.
  He makes mom laugh. I want to.
  He's like God that I wish I was.

He always sat
in a **** fiat
on His throne
no press, alone,
Godly everything
wears God's ring.
Creation progressed
we all confessed
sins big and small
in the confessional.
I told
of my hold
on my *****
vomited sick
white puke
as a rebuke.
God is dead
shot in the head
with my ***
midnight sun.

I gave my baby girl away.
   I listen to a song over and over
   that breaks my heart, wrings out tears
   until I turn to dust. The cat won't die.
   I won't accept my tail end life just
   picking up dog **** and sleeping alone.
Meet me in our secret space where sin
is encouraged and we light up the night.

I have nothing to promise.
You want a piece of my heart.
It isn't for sale or even mine.
It owns me. I do as I'm told.
I bleed when it says. I love
when it says. I die when it says.

My heart hunts for lust.
  Kills the weak of ******.
  Quiets tiny scream's pains
  spits out love's remains.
  We might promise to marry
  but we dig a grave to bury
inconvenient daughter
celebrate the slaughter.

***** and ****** keep me perfect,
high above the crowd in my conceit.
They hope I fall from such heights.
I balance between truth and deceit.

If I could bring you
close enough to my heart
where you could hear
the universe's tiny start

you might just forgive
my appetite for lust
my passive aggressive
lack of anyone's trust.

Sometimes I forget
   to remember you
   day to day as we
   live our small life
   together and alone.
   I remember you now.

What matters is tears in eyes
baptizing the painful goodbyes
morning dew on summer grass
empty bottles of amber glass
loving drunk blond corpses
in tall grass fields of horses
with wings carry us to heaven
back to planet earth by seven.

I remember tiny creases
my cavalcade of strife
scattered puzzle pieces
fragments teasing life.

Our lives grow up around us built
    from debris near at hand. Beer,
    laughs, anger, *****, *****, tears,
    shame, coffee, job, lust, ***, love,
    marriage, kids, dog, house, debt, day
    after day, separation just a prelude
    to divorce, child support, paycheck
    to paycheck, kids on odd days, odd
    lovers in weird spaces, gray hair,
    AA, church, bars, DUI, court, AA,
    kids on even days, ex moves on and
    marries, downsized, severance pay,
    coast for a few months, broke,
    evicted, rent an attic, read
    poems, write poems, smoke, drink,
    my life grows up around me.

My life grows up around me built
    from debris near at hand. Beer,
    laughs, anger, beer, *****, tears,
    shame, coffee, job, lust, ***, love,
    marriage, kids, dog, house, debt, day
    after day, separation just a prelude
    to divorce, child support, paycheck
    to paycheck, kids on odd days, odd
    lovers in weird spaces, gray hair,
    AA, church, bars, DUI, court, AA,
    kids on even days, ex moves on and
    marries, downsized, severance pay,
    coast for a few months, broke,
    evicted, rent an attic, read
    poems, write poems, smoke, drink,
    my life grows wild around me.

A box of wine
lies to my wife
I see hunger in
her meager life
young but legal
eager for it all
taste Eden's fruit
before the fall.

I fell in love with
my hospice nurse
and asked her to
undress and lie with
my dying body as
I floated away
without her my
lonely Aphrodite.

It seems I've performed this play over and over,
    maybe my entire life. I wish the playwright would
    at least listen to my ideas for a happy ending.
    He says it needs conflict and sorrow to entertain.

    I'm not sure where this play came from. It wasn't my
    creation. Maybe DNA carries it like a virus we live
    our lives through the sweat and flail with fever.
    My heart is a bonfire then a campfire then embers.

    3 acts seem paltry for a man and woman to love.
    True Love should last a lifetime I've been told.
    My love is mercury that slips through my fingers
    the more I try to hold it. I'll die disappointed.