55 years ago Mark shared
our secret desires fires
we ****** on back stairs
at Swallen's party pyres.

Borrowed a Fat guy bed
where we got his strife
Lust pretended Love.
Abandoned my life.

I stopped believing in
Santa and Tooth Fairy
Easter Bunny  and God
and the government.
All I believe in now
is Death's certainty.

I swim in my sea of doubt
caught in riptides I shout
ocean swallows me silent
nobody knows I was bent.

God will always love His Italy,
an endless stairway to Heaven.
Despite the tomb 3 days set free
God's Son forgives all us fallen.

I thought you loved me
the same way I loved you.
I was just a piece of ***
after a beer or maybe two.
Always a broken heart
right beneath the surface
falls through thin ice.
We always pay a price.

I threw my family away
beer cans along the way.
Ohio to Boston ******
saved me from asylum.

I never treated love with the respect it deserves.
  I always thought of it more as a fling, frivolity.
  It felt like a schoolboy crush and lasted just as long.
  I kept riding different horses on the carousel always
  hoping to grab the brass ring on a lucky spin, but
  each time I had it I never knew how precious it was.

I felt pain and cleansing rain.
I burned in summer sun shines.
Faced bullies on a playground
Fell in love forever many times.

Made some babies lost a few
Eden Park's greener grass
in the insane summer of love
much too much **** and ***.

I'm dead now I guess so
I miss laughs and crying.
It's painless and forever.
I want to fear my dying.

It's just me. I can't be you.
You are sunset. I'm morning dew.
I haunt you but you evict me.
You live in my bones for free.
Love is the harshest mistress
wearing the smallest dress.

I love you beauties
   I fear your stings
   Scorpions in showers
   Snakes in G-Strings
   poison in my coffee
   Love always brings.

I've always never care more than you
could ever know. My indifference was
hidden behind tears and laughter and
late nights in bed talking about it all.
When we made our baby it must have
been a fluke. I think I still care for you
but I don't know if that's true or not.
I've always never cared and always will.

I've Gone Missing

I don't know where I am anymore.
I don't remember my own name now.
You're a beauty vaguely familiar
ghosts dancing among sunflowers.

I walk the streets with a poet's heart
looking for laughter or desperation
I can scratch or type into poems
I choose to name my inspiration.
We crazy poets ride the night train
screaming lines of vague insanity
I break the wild words like horses
and put them on pages of my vanity.
I was born with a poet's heart.

drunk and ****
***** and egg
I was a tiny god
in my tiny womb
swoosh the sound
one night stand
name me Hank
Shea walk plank

As Cesar was assassinated.
Rome burned as Nero despaired.
A lyre string wept for his death.
Rome's bones weren't spared.
We remember crown of thorns,
Crucifixion, 40 lashes and denial.
Bury Assange before sundown.
Empires hate truth's bright light.

It hasn't happened for years.
I tell my wife it's dream tears.
Bought Adult Depends at last
try holding the currents fast.
Sadly there is no more dignity
when you lose control of ***.

Every part of me recycled
into flies, maggots and dirt.
Give back all that made me
from my fathers lust squirt.

Mom's heavy lifting pregnant.
Her piles, puke and constipated
the zygotes don't know or care.
One day they'll be cremated.

He makes her feel inadequate.
She never measure up so **** it.
Like a mother who hates how she
makes her bed and does it over
every time and she starts to see the
cracks in her shell and the madness
that finally brings her to her knees;
visits to a shrink to put her back how
she used to be but the puzzle is short
of pieces and nothing ever seems right.

I wish I had a lover
   to breathe me back to life
   to make me matter again.
   I wish I had a lover
   rock paper scissors
   any denomination.
   I wish I had a lover
   to breathe me back to life.

I'd nail my madness to the tracks going West
   seeking freedom wearing a Dandy's NY vest.
   How long can we endure the vastest unknown?
   **** Indians and Buffalo and bury us in stone.

I still remember your naked *******
   and the smell of my hand in your jeans
   and youth's innocence lost. You were old
   beyond your years. You tamed my beast.
   You wanted me to be your first.
   I was lost to you in first light.

I loved my best. It didn't last.
   When the cooler just has water
   it's close to bedtime. Take one
   more shot of courage to face
   one more tomorrow and do it
   all again as if you mean it.
   I lost hope long ago and live
   until I find a courage to die.

She died
suicide
I'll never
know why
it was left
for me to
bury her
I will join
her in death
final breath.
I lie in her grave
and slit my throat
bleed out our
true baptism.

There's pain in this poetry.
It has ****** fingerprints
and corpses I left behind.
Some broke hearts and hurt
feelings and cruelty learned
from my dad he learned from
war that was passed onto me.
Don't judge. I won't lie.

I'm 75.
I'll die.
Death
Stares
in my
good eye
last breath
blow out
final candles
Cake on fire.
I hate that's
what
I desire.

We met at a party of friends.
******* bra less on the shore
beckon my ship onto the rocks
I painted you a blessed *****.
We woke hungover in some bed
enough to make some kinda love.
you cried for joy or some dead
bar lover hovers still above.

Over and over my poems sound
like the same grief and joy. I want
to live a different life to write about
other's pain and suffering and love.

You mean that much to me
   more than I could ever be
   even rhymes at odd times
   committed our tiny crimes
   books, food, truth's lies
   always holster my alibis.

I rescue abandoned dogs
like my abandoned kids
dissapear in the rear view
and I close my eyelids.

Jack Daniels slept in my bed
kept me warm for empty years.
My lovers, always bored, fled.
Always chased a shot with tears.

****** marys at breakfast
blood red roses at her feet
blood upon her pink suit
bloodless as LBJ sworn in.
JFK sacrificial lamb on the
altar of the Deep State.
A storm is always coming.
Death is always on the table.

Strung out Jane always says
she never knew what love was.
She serviced a thousand beds,
swallowed all of Johns' threads.
Fed her addiction from the cut
her **** gave renting his ****.

She has a lazy eye.
I have no lips.
We fell in love in a bar.
Drunk Hallelujah!
We found saving grace
and made our child
never got the other's
religion. I never thought
God could save me.
She said He sent her.

I remember you then
the queen of my dream
came true in Rugby's bar
33 years ago it's been.
I'd die to free you now
of this marriage plow
I chained you loveless
buried us graveless.

We met at Rugby's bar
shivering seeking heat
drink wish upon a star
mirror our heartbeat.
Born a crooked womb
drunk in a tiny room
push a baby carriage
now a sterile marriage
daily we both pretend
a marriage just smoke
laughs are our friend
old hearts just broke.

The first born of the dead
  an arrogant poet called him
  loan me a bit of eternity
  put a good word in with God

  You could have built a table
  but you weaved a ****** fable
  40 lashes and nailed to a cross
  Your mother wept for her loss.
  3 days wrapped in a burial cave
  rise with eternity's souls to save.

She was every kind of beautiful
  that ever was or ever will be.
  More so because she didn't care.
  We floated above the noise
  just us two in bed stars in our eyes
  consuming us numb to all else.

  Jealousy clawed its way back
  into my heart. It always does.
  It ruined every love I ever had.
  I'm old and still don't understand.
  I fear lust's sting. Green eyed
  monster still waits in the wings.

She was every kind of beautiful
  that ever was or ever will be.
  More so because she didn't care.
  We floated above the noise
  just us two in bed stars in our eyes
  consuming us numb to all else.

  Jealousy clawed its way back
  into my heart. It always does.
  It ruined every love I ever had.
  I'm old and still don't understand.
  I fear lust's sting. Green eyed
  monster always in the wings.

You tease biting your nail and
looking for my beast to eat your
beauty. I hunger nights to eat
you and know your fierce thirst.

I met you on the Jersey Shore
  the sun setting in golden west
  we kissed beneath the boardwalk
  then we pretended all the rest.
  You gave me a touch of your bra.
  I love you in this stubborn dream.
  I felt heat and promises to come.
  Shadows shift not what they seem.

say God Bless You
   when He sneezes
   wash His feet
   until He pleases
   give Him clothes
   before He freezes
   He feeds the hungry
   He is hailed
   food runs out
   then He's nailed
to a cross
made of sin
to die ******
and begin again.

You made vows you broke.
Promised serenity. A joke
without laughter a king
with a crown of thorns
nailed on cross of wood.
We rode the rails for free
from here to the eternity
I can be what I should be.

I love humanity
fear their insanity
understand frailty
eat sins of the guilty.
Drag me off my cross
plant me like a flower
into this sacred land to
rise again at your hour.

If the lights are all out
and I listen to a song
I carry the cross to the
finish line where you
are nailed to it and die
for 3 days and escape
magician or sorcerer
drunk apostles write
a holy bible set it in
motion forever after.

In my infancy
  I still believed.
  Nuns taught me truth.
  Jesus died for our sins.
  Drink His blood and
  eat his body in wonder
  of what? I'm old and wise.
  Jesus is my gardener now.

Bring me to my Jesus knees
head bowed in prayer's pleas.
Forgive all my everything
I sing praise to your nothing.

I question ****** birth
carpenters drive nails
into Christ's self worth.
Now everybody flails.

Prayers are not somehow.
I still believe in fairy tales
Santa brings *** toys now.
Jesus save us from our fails.

I heard the news on
the radio touching
her generous breast
with trembling fingers
almost skin to skin
an absolute mortal sin.
Bike to confession
make my way to Heaven.

Dallas, TX
     JFK CIA DOA
      11/22/1963

JFK
CIA
Patsy
Lee


Head blown away today
brains on J's pink suit
late for our luncheon
I'll miss the fresh fruit.

I tried to **** Goliath
naive like with a stone
power of office *******
I always stood alone.

The casket
  like a basket
  of broken eggs
  kept closed from
  the horror inside
  JFK lying in state.
  LBJ stole his fate
  Hoover was his mate
  RFK killed by hate.
  All bow to deep state.