I burned our love to the ground
    myself. I soaked it all in
    kerosene and lit the match
    and threw it at the very heart.

   There was cruelty, ugly words,
   petty slights. Sometimes there was love.
   We danced so hard at night in our cups
   we'd fall to the floors laughing.

   I let you go and fell apart but very
   slowly began to piece my parts back
   where they belonged. I heard
   music again; it never sounded right.

   Years have brought much love to my
   door. I've held many women close and
   played at love the best I could
   with my heart so out of tune.

I was firstborn son
namesake was done
delivered by a nun
already on the run.

I lost a lover to another
  blind eye didn't see truth
  playing out before me now.
  My cat lost an eye to cancer
 She comes to me at night
meowing our indignity.

On rainy days I entertain some from Seattle.
   Sunny days remind me of Huntsville friends.
   Christmas brings Cincinnati childhood to me.
   Boston ghosts come in dreams of Georgine.
   Catholic school. Deny physical; embrace spiritual.
   The spring flowers are my Tara in Virginia.
   So many angels have found my heart, I can't count.
   My heart is haunted most by my first. Kathy.

I'm not sure which of us is dead.
  One alive in the other's head.
  Underage found our way to beer.
  Young drunks toast without fear.

  We have Gramps show the way
  how men live brutal day to day
  without complaint in silent pain
  through time it's always the same.

  We visit in bars at end of day.
  My time machine is Chardonnay.
  We remember and laugh too loud!
  See you in tomorrow's drunk cloud.

I'm born then die.
Life worth a try.
I disappoint and cry
I laugh and I fly
to a northern star
not really very far
it's my favorite bar
we **** in your car
on a carousel I spin
a lucky wheel of sin
cancer grows within
I lose myself thin
I leave a dark stain
always death's pain
funeral in the rain
infinity once again.

My guilt overwhelmed me and I ran
  faster to the ***** and the pills.
  Drowning in stormy seas I reached
  desperately for a ticket to Boston.

  I was born again in Harvard Square.
  A stranger with a clean slate and a
  winning smile and a way with women.
  It shames me to the bottom of my soul.

  I broke hearts and promises back home.
  Wife and kids adrift their anchor lost.
  I couldn't find my magnetic north. Tara
  was my north star. I found my way home.

A failing wind after 16 days
   madness erupted in many ways
   cook with a cleaver menacing
   captain in his cabin dancing
   to a tune that only he can hear
   and the rest of us can only fear
   we pray to Poseidon set us free
   wind just wasn't meant to be
   things might take an ugly turn
   fierce equator sun might burn
   the whole ****** thing down
   laugh in cool waters and drown

Last Train Home
by John Mayer


     If you wanna roll me
Then you gotta roll me all night long
And if you wanna use me
Then you gotta use me 'til I'm gone

[Chorus]
I'm not a fallen angel, I just fell behind
I'm out of luck and I'm out of time
If you don't wanna love me, let me go
I'm runnin' for the last train
I'm runnin' for the last train home

[Verse 2]
If you wanna know me
Then you gotta know me through and through
And if you're gonna hurt me
Then you gotta hold me next to you

[Chorus]
No matter how you work it, things go wrong
I put my heart where it don't belong
So if you're comin' with me, let me know
Maybe you're the last train
Maybe you're the last train home?

Stop This Train
John Mayer
[Outro]
I'm on the last train runnin'
I'm on the last train runnin'
And I surrender, and I surrender
I'm on the last train runnin'
I'm on the last train runnin'
And I surrender, and I surrender
I'm on the last train runnin'
I'm on the last train runnin'
And I surrender, and I surrender
I'm on the last train runnin'
I'm on the last train runnin'
And I surrender, and I surrender
Oh-yeah
Oh-uh-uh-uh

Chelsea Hotel

Addicted to your taste
your crazy waste
self inflicted pain
to your flesh stain
I gladly confess
squalor's mess
rats scurry
in a hurry
to nowhere
already there
mirror over bed
you giving head
come again
love the sin
tip the maid
don't be afraid
Janis won't care
lay her truth bare.

I made you beg again
for my tiny treasure.
Gold by the ounce sin.
Never mind a measure.

Cousin Mike more than a brother over years.
You had *** at 14. I kissed them made them cry.
Wyoming was roaming with eager wet tears.
You broke your heart and used ***** to die.

What a splendid place you are,
spaces, smells and tastes galore.
I've been everywhere in my mind
I'm Helen Keller and I'm blind.
I see more than you might think.
Remember each time you blink.

I'll bark all night
neighbors fight
I'm just so cold
dog years 90 old.
Short chain
will refrain
my hunger pain
my dying stain.
Blood in the snow
tears always flow
the more we know
pain will always  grow.

Life starts in a **** farm
smelling like day old fish.
The oldest boy with charm
the parents get their wish.

PTSD father's nervous love
nurtures Junior's anxiety.
War hero shot down above
prays for son's sobriety.

I am cruel and I am kind,
hate me most of the time.
Lust is love is just blind.
Marriage the worst crime.

I'm a worn out old man.
I want to go back to Alcott
where the world was in a jar
and we were masters of the
woods. We knew the creeks and
lake and swung on vines Tarzan
like and ran home to supper and
homework and TV and slumber
and dad off to work at 5am hacking
in the bushes and off he went in
the flesh colored rocket ship that
was a a '57 Chevrolet Bel Air.

I was addiction waiting to be
  born into my psyche at puberty.
  I found black tar boiled in a spoon
  shot in veins took me to the moon
  with the earth in shadow I danced
  woke in the gutter pale entranced.

He stands behind the podium,
   grand and pigeon proud. Poet
   for the ages. Long dead but
   died young a poet of drunk
   appetites ******* with passion
   fitting a poet after all. Dylan,
   I'll die on your cross writing.
   I kneel at your grave weeping.
Your bones below are twisted
mocking your poses in life.

I launched at the starting gun
the course was always planned
trained your feet to run
mile 20 muscles cramped
I had the 26.2 tattoo
  on my fragile ego.
Round here I never
forgive me ever
I'm my own worst enemy.
Dad always said so.
Stand up straight, Boy.
Crawl across the finish line.

Polio or stroke or death?
Macabre Picasso thought?
Pocket watch ticks breath
was I only sold and bought?

Church bells are mute this time.
Carols are quiet in a silent night.
Tree lights are dark and children
laugh without mirth. It's a funeral.
Christ was aborted from a womb in
a Hollywood motel on 5th and Main.
Return all the toys and ***** candles
and pour the eggnog down the drain.
Elves work in sweatshops in China.
Burn Santa in effigy slaughter his rides
12 fillets and beers on the house
and slippers of reindeer hides.

******'s sin is mine alone.
  She never understood her power.
  Bubble gum and puffy ****.
  I desired her perfect flower.

  Her mother died to save her
  but she saved me instead.
  I brought her to my bed for comfort,
  the night she finally bled.

  ****** floats wild on the wind
  her cheap perfume my seduction.
  She died birthing our sin and
  baptizing my *******.

Healing takes time. It's a process, stages.
   My deepest condolences to your family.
   You're too young! You're too old!
   I was your age once. I understand.
   It always turns out okay in the end.
   It was meant to be. Make the best of it.
   He was no good for you from the start.
   I always knew you just settled with him.
   You're divorcing? You have two children!
   You met someone? Your *****'s not welcome!

I wear his flannel shirt and see his
old hands how can I be free? Let me
live my broken life the best way I can.
You were a war hero but I'm just a kid
who adored you and fell short of the mark.
Give me a mission. I'll fly and die for you.

I'm frozen in my own time
in my own Pompeii at 72.
Every day is a play with
the same cast and acts.
It's been lived to death but
still plays to smaller crowds
who leave at intermission.
It's the freakiest show on earth
ready for the road shows in
small burgs with the hicks.

Born of a ******
so many of us are.
Why Christ a God son?
I want Tablets of God
in burning bushes
giving us more rain
demanding less pain
so much to explain.

There's an ounce of truth
in a landfill made of lies.
The best politicians money
can buy. They become rich
delivering milk to lobbyists.
USA sold off pennies on the $.

Jack Daniels slept in my bed
kept me warm for empty years.
My lovers, always bored, fled.
Always chased a shot with tears.

The beats are howling for truth
   angry wolves in need of a fix
   in a pack in Central Park at
   3 am, junkies on the prowl.
   They won't be denied a deity.
   Ginsberg's Howl their Bible.

If I said it once
I said it a thousand times.
It comes and goes and comes
echoes persistent rhymes
clock ticks of my nightmares
heartbeats of my dreams
infinite souls in harmony
keeping time with screams.

A hotbed of deception
  A dollar each confession
  tenfold more to forgive
  trade your lust to live.
  Kneel take your penance
  in your mouth this once.
  Don't forget again to come
  penance take it up the ***.

I lost faith in my religion and wander.
      Who can forgive my sins? Who can cast my
      demons from me? Who can bless me at death?
      Can I never be buried in sacred ground?

      Now my faith is in pills and ***** and soft
      places with perfume and happy endings.
      My church is a bar with a pastor named Tia.
      She speaks in tongues with a snake that bites.

      Her venom is the sweetest thing I've tasted.
      She brings me to my knees and I bow to her.
      I drink her blood and eat her in communion.
      I wake calm with my savior. I found my faith.

I gave my baby girl away.
   I listen to a song over and over
   that breaks my heart, wrings out tears
   until I turn to dust. The cat won't die.
   I won't accept my tail end life just
   picking up dog **** and sleeping alone.
Meet me in our secret space where sin
is encouraged and we light up the night.

All my friends are gone.
Feelings are lost in ashes.
I am alone like in a womb.
Dark is come and go flashes.

I yearn but still say **** it all
reach out in darkness for touch
fingers have disappeared
death is nothing much.

You're my mirror. I see my true self.
Thank God you have a sense of humor
and the kindest heart of anyone I know.
You're a bit askew. People hate perfect.
Sins are forgiven for shots and laughs.

Sent ahead to a college bar
scouting for a coven of *****
virgins seeking violation at
closing leave back seat ******.

Trophies for all participants
bragging rights in next class
wearing bloodstained underpants
wrote "Virginity in the Trash".

The whole **** thing was
splendid chaos. Nothing
went as planned.
Marriage was a farce and
kids chess pieces for lawyers.
We survived until we didn't.

Keep the killer afloat above
targets through black flack
avoid the deadly white dove
promises never going back.

I've finally gone insane
with all the inane same
cookie cutter days I live
always asked I will give
each day the same movie
hanging from the Oak tree
threatening a new ending
with space and time bending.
Drunk I walk dogs end of day.
A billion stars light our way
home to our bed again
our tiny Garden of Eden.

Love always dies.
Heaven or Hell?
Her sobbing cries
in a wishing well.
We tore love apart
as we made it raw
I ate your heart
in my loveless jaw.

Hating me
set's me free
from the guilt
my cell I built.

Romance is born of pretty lies
   and poor judgement and alcohol
   and low bar light and juke box
   siren song swaying our hips in
   surrender as we dance to a cab
   and feed our weakness at 3 am
   in a bed of grand hotel roses.
   We wake up at noon in thorns.

There's too many broke pieces
need to be fixed before we move.
Each one reminds me of time and
place too sacred like a graveyard
to be disturbed. Sell it as it is.
Let buzzards buy and discard.

Breaking *****
  and protocols
  **** all the rules
  ignore the  fools
  under the radar
  meet in the bar
  toast to the fun
  good guys won.

Someone has to be the first
  to enter your shallow grave,
  steal Virginity, smell blood.
  Forever my flag is planted.

I've been here before. I know
  the drill, the prayers, the coffee
  and stale cookies we learn to love.
  Some are court ordered going through
  the motions. Some are earnest with
  hope in their eyes. We're all addicts.
  We want to live in a different place
  where we change it to suit our needs.
  Forget the past. Let it grieve itself.
  We must move beyond *******.

Look at these dames
  set hearts in flames
  they toast their boys
  use war's cruel toys
  bring us home a win
  we'll carry on again.
  Our men were buried.
  We never married.

If we were strangers in bars
   I'd tell you things about me.
   Secrets nobody knows. Desires
   of confusion I don't understand.
   Women created in beauty's shadow
   like diamonds in a winter's sky,
   sparkle and shine like peacocks
   in my mind. If we were strangers.

We unwashed seek to protect us
from rich gods to give us access
to our own needed food and water.
Kings will die in the slaughter.

Blood flows in the empty streets.
My brave one eye cat finally meets
her maker on a street called Lost
as a witness to our final Holocaust.

The minute hand crawls to 10
wonders what might have been
permission given to finally sleep
pray to god my soul to keep.