It carries bruises from years
of fighting wars with lovers
hating my weakest fears
always avoiding others
all hidden distant stars
brutal parchment stains
like albino mega scars
no one  claims cremains

It's huge
melodious centrifuge
stealing rhythm
with no misgiving
from each to give
to each to live
fabulous Commune
a marvelous tune

Santa Ana winds
angry fire maker
arsonist unbends
pizza oven baker.

I'm your portal to eternity
      take my hand and dance with me
      whirl and curtsy you will see
      how wonderful to be so free
      unadorned with puppet strings
      no more irksome gravity
      no appointments to obey
      no monthly bills left to pay
      no more Hail Marys to pray
      my soul found its home today.

We were young and beautiful.
     We tasted each other and feasted
     on our banquet. I smell you still
     I'm 73 and you're beside me in bed
     in dreams that are more alive
     than my daily crawling to death.

We wear white hats
and ride white horses
to rein in the sheep
to right wrong courses.

Hospice room's machines
a healthy noise harmony
song of the Opera queens
perfect pitch is the irony.

The end is always near
morphine drip constants
dreams of lovers so dear
death gets what it wants.

The final absolute end
with her infinity reach.
Flowers mourners send
Hymn a buzzard screech.

You weren't seen
in my blind spot
too old so young
perfect ink blot
no trouble at all
self absorbed dad
in and out of love
edge of mind mad.
I forgot to care
for the tattered
broken Daughter
always mattered.

I'm a blind man without a sun.
We live in different mirrors.
You have light for everyone.
I am where is what disappears.

old enough
to know better
never old enough to
forget her pleasure
lost the map to it
the buried treasure
search my heart
for promised start
never find an X
no Eden's ***
no youth's excess
no more I confess
I broke all hearts
flame less bonfire
of the broken parts
screams of desire.

Notable characters I've known
touched raw nerves I exposed
vulnerable like being alone
forever in a Polaroid posed.

We never talked of pleasure.
  It was always buried treasure.
  Marriage was a woman pure
  as a ****** bride to endure.
  Bette on Charleston Island
  she finally made her stand.
  Took her kids and left behind
  ashes they'll never find.

I've known you for years. Grandad introduced us.
    You always made the room glow and laughter flow.
    You forgave me when I betrayed those I promised
    to never betray. You made me smarter than I was
    and clever when I was dull and modest when clever.
    There's always a madness in the air when you grace
    us with your presence.
    I plan your funeral. I bury you in a potter's field.
    I buried you  before.. Like Christ you rise.
    I put a stake in your heart and salt on your grave.
    You refuse to be banished from the lives we live.
    Maybe you'll stay buried inside me in my grave.

My old blue veins
are a map to a lover
bleeding past stains
still left to discover.
Tomorrow never comes.
I am yesterday's news.
We were the only ones.
I sing tomorrows blues.

They tried to break me.
I kept spitting out the bit.
You can't tame the righteous  
Fire burned my spirit.
Wedding bands won't
shackle me like chains
I buck and snort and rebel
burn you with my flames.

I want you all to be okay
    just quit dying day to day
    why the empty hourglass?
    count corpses as they pass.

It was on a cardboard sign
held by a hobo 5th and Vine.
Shame on the cars waiting
for the green lights hating.
No eye contact made
when I drive off you fade.
Was he in need or a fake?
Jesus heartbreak or a snake.

I remember you then
the queen of my dream
came true in Rugby's bar
33 years ago it's been.
I'd die to free you now
of this marriage plow
I chained you loveless
buried us graveless.

I could've been at his deathbed. Maybe offered
      some solace and comfort and sent him off
      with a proper "God's speed"!
      I Declined an Invitation to My Father's Death.
      I might've played right into his hands and now
      guilt plagues me as I listen to sad songs and
      write sad poetry and hope I remember to call my son
      tomorrow so that maybe he'll be at my death bed.

We knew all along
we weren't happy but
neither had the will to
start over for another
bout another fight
sick of endless rounds
with no KO's just punch
drunk slurs and morning
shame and mute rituals.
Amazing how good we became,
amnesia and kiss off to work.
Who knows where the time goes?
Will either of us have a shred
of life left when the other finally
dies to lie naked with a stranger
just to sleep with your memory?

I put my brittle ego on the line
  each time I send you a drink or ask
  for a dance or your phone number.
  I break a frozen monster's mask.

  I wish I could guide my young self in
  a time machine and calm our fears.
The nest fell apart a long time ago.
I've lost count of the broken years.

Fireworks started early as usual.
   They terrify my pets and veterans
   and I will lose my mind soon and run
   out the door and beat up the world
   or maybe set the atmosphere afire
   steal all the oxygen so no fuses light.

We live the lives we are assigned
  predestined inside God's giant book
  we walk our chapters weak and kind
  hoping to avoid death's horrid crook.
  The only ending is finally dying
  the body surrenders to God's demand
  never mind if only and but for trying
  sleep forever in the clay of our land.

First it steals small names
   then dreams of cunning lust.
   It smothers white hot desire
   then steals my flaccid trust.

   It hides joys I knew and my
   hate I once kept in my head
   steals lovers not forgotten.
   It buries me before I'm dead.

I will forgive you
I hope you will
remember the dew
naked on the hill

Time capsules in walls
from there to the now
birth to hair on *****
sparse and grey somehow.

Kiss Susan Tucker at eight
Mrs. Reddy crush when ten
virginity offered on a plate
lost myself in a garbage bin.

I'm worried. I heard a crack
   in the universe last night.
   When too much weight is on
   humanity to always do right.
   Our team is losing this fight.
   It is a terrible fright tonight.

The disaster took me by surprise. I never
  saw it coming. Madness piled on madness like
  a quilt made of patches of blown up skin.
  So much debris in the air we lost breath
  and went blind and called for our lost loves.
  We slept snug beneath the quiet aftermath.

I go to sleep feeling dread
    in the morning I feel dead
    fog never lifts from my head
    I need Methadone to be fed
    I can't forget what she said
    Take the red pill instead.

Dresden

Oh, ****. Here comes my rage again.
I thought the drugs kept it at bay.
My shrink promised it would but
said we might have to adjust dosage
and we'd talk next week. It scares
me near to death. Loose wire in rain
snaking itself wild full of death.
My kids barely shake in fear but
they do and it just spikes the rage.
I love you! I'd never hurt you!
******* it to hell!I'd never bomb
your cities to infernos like Dresden.
I'll tuck you in at night and battle
monsters under your beds.
I'll take you fishing.
I'll fix your flat tires.
I'll never burn you alive
from a great height God like.

At 3am we were drunk and ******.
My conscience called my phone.
My conscience said leave me alone!
We crawled back to a quiet womb
with black light in a tiny tomb
born in fierce sunlight at noon.

Welcome to Crazy Town.
Everything upside down.
Church for **** priests
steal altar boys' feasts.
I ****** Christ's bride.
I have nowhere to hide,
broke her sacred heart.
Crazy Town comes apart.

The mad dog foams and hates down
  dusty streets in Maycomb and we
  need Atticus to put the bullet in
  its skull so it once again can see.

Pour your tears in my eyes
and I will weep for you.
Wrap your despair in a red box
with a satin bow and gift it to
me at Christmas to bear alone.
Shove your sobs down my throat
and I gasp for better times.
I find it kind of our last hope.

Saturday night barn dance
banjos and fiddles romance
a forbidden hayloft chance
we birthed us in a trance.

I saw a dying brother bleed out.
I watched a madman **** his flock.
Parades celebrated the funerals.
Little boys masquerading as men
played war. Real men died for mud.
Loved ones prayed their rosaries.
No prayers were ever answered on
our street. Gold stars filled sad
windows. Widows cried in private.
They never wanted to dance again.

Each and everyone I knew
I'm blistered in my grave
cold earth warms my blue
lie dead wait to be saved.

I'll drink your poison tonight.
It was not your fault but mine.
Forgive me but you can't because
you don't know how. Maybe in my
mourning I'll nail me to your cross
and die for you one final time.

Oh what a time we had. Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud. We danced wild in neon light.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants,
  slept naked until love's black night.

I'm riding bulls in bars outside my mind
before I fell in love with the rest
of them everyone these days if only
you knew my heart, the damage I carry in
my psyche like a pouch of Judas silver.
Betray me with just one more kiss.
You're the voice inside my head
that one I'll finally always miss.

Stay high tonight
under anger's flight
crash by morn's light
bruises seem slight.
My hands just claws
hang from your jaws
dripping my flaws
the crowds applause.

I betrayed Jesus Christ with a kiss
and his father God to the atheists
nothing seems to matter anymore
I can finally **** through any door
and drink from any water fountain
love any woman I desire in the rain
makes no difference what her stain
colorless lovers feel couple's pain.

I was desperately drunk and desperately in love.
    I made promises I couldn't keep. She invited me
    into her garden. I ate forbidden fruit. Nirvana!
    Pains, doubts, anxieties, fears gone instantly.

    The morning after had a sour taste.
    God and priest and nun and catholic world
    collided with our promised land of love.
    We stayed drugged with flesh and defiance.

    Pregnant, we were married in the Church.
    We had our daughter and a son soon after.
    I wish lust didn't fade with time.
    I wandered and became a cliche.

More than her cat died that night.
  Childhood a decaying corpse as well.
  Nothing lasts forever or should it?
  Maybe our soul? Maybe heaven, hell?
  Prayers before bed on bent knees
  seem silly now. It is a mad world in
  which we pretend to know how to live.
  No instruction manual. Just a final breath.

I set it on fire and burned
it back into hell to sleep
another decade or two
you said something that
was really important.
I never heard you above
the screams and hatred
I'm on the outside again.
Armageddon.

A ****** horror show
  promises of death's door
  anchors pretend to know
  we believe but we ignore.

Sardines inside a subway car
Pickles packed inside the jar
Soldiers so close in a foxhole
Welfare office for the dole
A billion windows with a story
some of love or hate or glory
huddled masses in a dormitory
overwhelm every inventory.

Raised glasses troops back home,
  five dames toasting a new need.
  Maybe tomorrow's no more alone.
  Wombs hoping for a lover's seed.

Drunk love is magic
kinda true and tragic
born in a Dali womb
a melting clock tomb.

The beats are howling for truth
   angry wolves in need of a fix
   in a pack in Central Park at
   3 am, junkies on the prowl.
   They won't be denied a deity.
   Ginsberg's Howl their Bible.