I barely live
day to day
hard to give
flesh to pay.

To yank a soul out
of nonexistence into
this meat and to force
a life into this thresher
my child died painless
still inside my innocence
she spared me the sin
of having been a father.

For the dead the wars are done.
The dead's pets will not atone.
Chemo's foul stench won't become
roll dice to see who gets a bone.

I lived in the loneliness
with beers and smokes
look for perfect mistress
watch **** with strokes.

Where did I go wrong?
I went to a crowded bar.
Strangers hum the song
yearning only goes so far.

Life's a puff of smoke and chaos
    and a breeze that makes it clear,
    an endless walk towards endless.
    We fall in step then we disappear
    
     in a lost rhythm sometime after.
    Memory is fallen wires snaking
    in the rain, deadly in its clarity.
    We start it through fear shaking

    and end it down a rabbit hole that
    takes us through a looking space.
    Hungry man snake pulses inside
    the waiting Snowdrop ****** vase.

I will follow you
to the peace tree
where you jeer
and hang me.
I dared to say
forbidden word
Capital N
and bigger.

what road defeats me?
what breath my last?
what walls my prison?
what tale is my past?
who's left to remember?
who's going to care?
who will light a candle?
who will shed the tear?