Brick piled on brick in my life 'til
  I had no choice. I joined. I trained.
  I killed. I saw my brothers killed.
  I found pieces of myself in ******
  a respite from the hell I lived.
  I served 3 tours and landed alive.
  I hugged my parent's shadows
  and found a dealer who welcomed
  me home with a veteran's discount.
  I joined broke brothers on edges.
  I was numb and saw the horror just
  beyond my ****** vision. I lost
  hope long ago and will live slight
  life until I find the courage to die.

Visit my hall of horrors.
Every misstep framed in colors
plays endless loops feed the poor.
Remember visit the museum store.
Lock of hair. Stillborn brother.
Brokenhearted suicide mother.
Drunk and smoker's half life
spent my love in Queen's beehive.

My black hole velocity
escapes cruel gravity
unchained again finally
death sets us all free.

The universe is on display tonight.
    A storm is coming. Birds in flight
    as lightening cracks the sky in two.
    There's half for me and half for you.

What a dream I had
    lost virginity found
    my voice again called
    your name best I could.
    I love you girl. Sit by my
    death bed praying rosaries
    to my betrayed god and hope
    like we used to do holding
    hands and touching heads
    sharing tears and laughter.

Time doesn't really exist.
  We created the concept to
  measure change in our decay.
  Change. Birth to Death time.
  Worlds begin and end time.
  Get ready for our date time.
  Wedding set for noon time.
  Pregnancy can happen anytime.
  Birth always happens at 2 am.
  Kids to emergency at 3 am.
  Bury the dead in the morning.
  Divorce court always at 10 am.
  Suicide in an afternoon bath.
  Mourning goes on forever.
  Just another prisoner of time.

The most calm I ever knew
was eating my own insanity
swallowing the bitter blue
embracing my own lobotomy,
guilt murdered in my Xanax.
PTSD rears an ugly head
It's a challenge to relax,
Go back rearrange the dead.