Our worlds are full of dark rooms with cobwebs in corners like tombs. We frail grey children still fear the wicked clowns getting too near to our bed to do what we most dread. Too late to climb in mommy's bed.
I wish you were alive so I could apologize for disappointing you. You took my kids fishing when I was drunk wishing for miracles in Boston the kids in an orphanage. ****** kept insanity at bay. I never knew how to just say, "Thank You. I love you, Dad." In an honest man to man way. Eye to eye we just up and die.
People everywhere but I'm not here. Loud. Noise. Laughter. Music. I'm numb to it. I mingle and help them laugh and toast my dear friends. I'm outside in a tree house looking at stars. I am crying for a terrible loss only I see. A friend calls for me and says we're leaving. My love demands she's going. The loss to be.
Surrounded by familiar strangers funny birthday hats bonfire cake singing a song I almost remember. Hug me. I hate liberties they take. Presents I can't open without help. I have a memory of a wedding night first time for everything naked we bleed and sweat call God in flight. We birthed all you ***** and egg it's why we're all here this night.
Our first boy, boy. My namesake, boy. Fetch my tools, boy. Cry beating belt, boy. Make me proud, boy. Ignore my cruelty, boy. War's killing eats us, boy. Comes home each night, boy. Never mind the misery, boy. She smiles at you, Boy!