Sit still,
Listen closely.
Try hard not to be heard or seen.
Instead, wait for the appropriate time to explain how your body isn't your body.
Left your right arm and watch it drop.
Move it fast in front of your eyes to double-check that you are, in fact, not ok.
Sit back down and hope it passes faster this time.
When it's over,
Know it's never really ever going to be over.

I love you.
Watch me scream it to the top of the world.
No one will miss it.
I will hold you tight until I can't anymore.
When you're cold, I will give you my sweater to warm you up.
My ear is only one call away to listen to anything that's on your mind.
I love you.
That's one thing that won't ever change as long as we're together.
I love you.
The three words that make or break a relationship.
I stand here tonight offering you my love
Will you decline or take it off of me?

When love comes to my door.
Would I let him in or turn his body away so I can’t be broken later.
He stands a few feet away with a smile and open arms.
I want him to come closer to hold my body.
I’m nervous about giving someone my young heart to keep in this hand.
When he comes knocking on my door I will give my love in return for his.

When they start to scream, my body starts to freeze.
I go back to when I was fourteen, afraid to step in.
Tuning the music up to tune the yelling out,
Hoping it ends better than the last one.
In the present moment,
I beg for this to change.
I use my voice to stop this home from turning into a regular house.
They keep hoping one night; their love will grow.
Knowing the true love left right before this all started.

I hold him tight, knowing I'm safe.
He won't let me go,
Instead of hugging me back tighter.
I look up to his smile brighter than the stars at night.
I wondered if I could pause this moment to make it last longer.
If only he knew how much every little moment means to me.
I would give up anything to relive all the memories for the first time again.

I'm falling hard,
I hope he is there to catch me.
He leaves me speechless,
My heart starts to race.
My smile can't hide when he's in the room.
I feel like I'm dreaming when he looks over.
If this falling I hope I never stop.

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

I wish I wasn’t born trans,
Then maybe I would love my bare body instead of putting my hands over the chest that didn’t ask to be there.
Wishing the hands would turn my chest into the flat board that I desire.
Hoping one day this will be in my deepest of memories,
Maybe In that other life I would have wanted to share my body with my eyes open.
When i say I wish I wasn’t trans,
I mean I wish I didn’t smile more when thinking of getting parts of myself removed.
I mean I wish I got the easy way
I mean I wish
I wish I loved myself how everyone else loved me growing up.

I have a love-hate relationship with him.
It's getting really controlling fast.
If I start to smile,
He must steal the happiness away.
When I'm feeling set, he reminds me of my past.
Knowing all my confidence will disappear,
Then I would give him my attention again.
I tried to leave him a few times, but I always found my way back.

I don't want to fall again,
I'm not afraid of falling in love.
I'm scared to lose someone close.
All the memories will slowly disappear,
When I fall, will you promise to let me down easy?
I want to remember the good.

Trauma is funny like that…
The best jokes come from it,
Hiding the pain that lives underneath the laughs.
Trying hard to remember the lost childhood,
Wondering why it's so blurry.
Trauma is funny like that...
It's a wild card that will come out at any time.
Giving us endless stories to tell,
Hoping not to scare anyone off all the damage.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.

I think I'm falling,
Today we both got teary for each other.
All the happy memories are getting too real,
I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm falling for him,
His looks say the same.
I hope I never wake up if I'm dreaming.

When I compare my parents to a cloud this is what I mean.
They can go from beautiful to deadly within minutes.
A warning spreads as soon as there is a chance of it coming.
No one says a word each trying to protect them selfs.
Everyone hopes for the best but fears the worst.
Only one person ever tries to stop them before it gets too late.
I watch the sky for a warning of what will happen next.
Hoping this will be the last of it.

If love was a book,
It would come in many forms.
Starting as the tales, we read at night to chapter books that take months to read.
If love was a book,
I would read it over and over, never wanting to stop hoping it would come true.
Dreaming of the day when I no longer have to read to figure out what it means.
If love was a book,
I would hope I was secretly reading about you.

Fall for me,
I beg at night while I watch his eyes wander.
Wondering why I'm not getting his attention.
Knowing I will always be the second choice waiting to be picked.
Today he forgot about all the little lies and heartbreak that came from his mouth.
I put on a smile and pretended that he really did change.
Knowing that it's an act that will last a day.

Don't get mad.
I say with a nervous giggle,
Never knowing how they respond.
Tip toeing around my own house,
Not wanting to spark a ticking time bomb.
The silence gets louder,
My mind starts to scream.
Please don't get mad.
The only phase I knew in the broken home.
Hoping one day someone will understand why I start to shake when they raise their voice.

Sorry
A word that I use to shield myself from the pain that comes before it.
The thing that shuts down talks before it starts,
Makes tears turn into forgotten messes.
Makes those who love us turn into the deepest monsters.
Thinking when we say the word all is good again.
Not knowing, I hold on to the broken promises that never came.
Faking a smile that wants to fade but knowing they will get mad.
That this will be my fault if I say anything else but what their ears want to hear.
Twenty-one to the eye,
Inside the scared little five-year-old who knew too much for his age.
Sorry for….
Sorry, I didn't mean….
Sorry for it all…

My little heart flutters with butterflies.
It's the way he smiles at me and makes me feel special.
This time it will be different, or that's what I tell myself.
I'm not worried about falling, only for the after the mess of it all.
My little heart flutters with butterflies while my mind worries about how to prepare for the last goodbye.

Please be careful.
I'm similar to legos.
Takes days to put together,
Only seconds break.
If I break, odds are you won't stay to help build me up again.
So instead, you will leave my broken body lying on the floor, saying I'm not worth your time.
I'm similar to a lego set; you want me until they see how long it will be until I'm fixed.

A flower is similar to dating,
Looks super sweet and will last for a long time.
Until the pedals start to slowly disappear, leaving an empty stem.
Then you look for a newer and prettier one,
Hoping this time, it will last longer than the last
Never understanding why it keeps getting old but never giving it attention.

We weren’t perfect; I knew that.
I loved as much as a broken person could.
Trying to change the stories to make me look bad.
I almost trusted those stories more,
Because he told them all the time.
I never will go back to that,
I know my worth, and one will take that.
No matter how pretty they seem to the outside world.

I watched her fall out of love faster than anything else.
The smiles turned into tears.
Late nights went to early goodbyes.
The worst was hearing the pain in her voice when saying I love you for the last time.
That's how I knew it was over.

The man with all the secrets,
Still only cares about himself.
Unless a pretty woman walks across his view.
He will forget all respect and hopes that make her beg for me.
The man will date others to make her jealous.
This will happen until she gives in or he finds someone new to mess with.

The time of the year that shy kids come to shock everyone.
When monsters can be unrestricted,
Everyone else plays pretend.
No one knowing who is real or fake,
The perfect time to make people regret their choice to come out alone.

Stay where you are.
Don't move, or everything will go up in flames.
I wait another minute, hoping this nightmare will go away.
Nothing has changed besides the laughs that turned into wines.
No one knows if we will get out.
Stay where you are, or be ready to fight something you can't see.

The cloudy sky started to crying,
That's when everything around went silent.
I looked for someone, but there was no one near to hear my screams.
The sky started to get darker than it ever had before.
I tried running,
I wasn't fast enough.
The clouds changed to bright red. I knew this meant game over.
Then out of nowhere, everything went back to normal.
My mind was seeing the future all over again.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.

I never thought someone could make me feel this loved until I met her.
She hugged me and told me to hold on,
That life is only starting. To fight a little longer.
She stayed with me during my darkness, taught me how to love again.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

A single rose means love,
The rest mean he ******* up again.
Every time he brought home flowers, I knew right away he had done something terrible.
The women would accept and forget it ever happened.
It was only the start of a downhill relationship.

I wish love wouldn’t fade; she would be next to me.
But now I see her in someone else arms.
Regretting every choice that got us here.
If only I cared a little more, Treated her better.
Maybe the love wouldn’t have faded after all.
Then this new man could have been erased from her story.

My person is out there,
Dreaming of the day we meet.
Hoping it will be a night to remember until the next one.
I wish I could tell them I'm ready, but no hurry, take your time, my love.
I will meet everyone to get to you.
We won't know who the other is until the first hello.
The first stare into each other's eyes.
The first day of the rest of our lives, we will spend daydreaming of the other.
I will smile every day just hearing their name.
Today is the first of many tries.

Why does this always happen at the worst times?
Can I ever get a break or is my mind too damaged from the past?
I’m happy for thought until I heard your name again.
When my mind went blank and all that was left was my memories of him.
Tears dripped down my face as an exit for the sadness that he caused.
I think he will be forever.
One day he will be so small that it won't affect me.
Until then I sit on my floor waiting for it to pass.

One phase that can change it all.
“It’s okay.”.
Never knowing if it's real or a way to end a conversation.
She smiles and nods,
I slowly walk away, only to turn around to see her crying on the floor.
The ok was a cover for a hidden mess.
she would get yelled at for being too dramatic,
Now the girl keeps everyone out.
With a simple, okay.

Two star cross lovers meet at the wrong time.
The world split them up but their love last for ages.
They meet new people but dream of the memories that stayed.
Until one day they meet again and realize that too much time has past.
It took them half there lives but finally found their happy endings even if it wasn't with each other.

Will you be there for me,
When it’s crazy, and there is no stopping anytime soon.
If I have to leave in the middle of a dreamy day.
Will you fight for me when it seems too hard to do.
Would you sit by my door,
When it seems easier to go than stay?
Would you love me even if it’s easier not to?

The one who will be there at midnight,
To watch over your shoulder.
The one who sings when the day gets dark,
Laughs until there is nothing to be sad about.
Listens for hours no matter what is going on.
Stays through the storms,
Brings an umbrella when it starts to pour.

Scared to ruin the friendship,
She hid her feelings as far down as they would go.
Not wanting to admit that the feelings never left.
Slowly making her crazy that they weren't together.
Not wanting to bring it up,
Smiling through the pain of seeing him with someone else.

The last boy with the girl who never notices herself.
Until the boy opened her eyes to a new world.
He made her feel worth everything,
She ever had that growing up.
They were friends since the start,
Now their feelings are changing.
The once-lost boy finds himself in her eyes.
He finally found a home that won't go away.

If I was a book,
My pages would be filled with empty words.
I would be placed on the highest shelves.
In the middle of all the sections,
Not fitting in perfectly anywhere.
If I was a book
I would confuse everyone that picks me up,
Until someone gives me a chance.
If I was a book,
I hope you would choose me every night,
Read me until you fall asleep.

Tell her that better days are coming.
The boy she wishes to be will be free soon.
The long blonde hair will exist no more.
Everyone will support us,
Believe in it.
Believe that it's true.

The time is coming,
Pack up everything and run.
I don’t think we can stay together,
Promise me that you will fight.
Don’t show weakness,
That's how they will destroy everything.
I can't say anything else,
The hourglass is almost out.
Run now!
Run faster!
Run far away from here.

She trusted him with everything,
He took it and destroyed it after a day.
She thought it was by mistake,
Gave him one more chance.
He did it once again.
Laughed at the look of her teary eyes.

The boy who is closed off,
But comes running the second you text him.
He will be there,
You won't see him entering.
The goofy laugh he gives will shine in a darkened room.
He is closed but will let you in slowly.

I won at last.
In a week, my past is gone.
I get to start over finally,
I will smile bigger than ever.
I will cry from happiness,
And smile until the sun goes down.
In a week, I will be me more than ever.

I smile.
Does he notice how nervous I am?
My voice is shaking,
I’m starting to sweat.
He looks back at me and waves.
I start to blush,
I hope this isn't the end.

I didn’t think I would be falling this soon,
His voice keeps me dreaming when I should be awake.
I wish I was in his arms,
He’s too far gone to think of me in that way.

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

I want to look her in the eye and ask why we aren't together?
I have seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking.
When the night gets cold and she asked me for my sweater without thinking.
How we are there for each other no matter what time is it.
Waking up in the middle of night to dream of the other.
I will ask her what she is afraid of.
To let her know that no matter what I will be here.