I'm falling hard,
I hope he is there to catch me.
He leaves me speechless,
My heart starts to race.
My smile can't hide when he's in the room.
I feel like I'm dreaming when he looks over.
If this falling I hope I never stop.

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

I wish I wasn’t born trans,
Then maybe I would love my bare body instead of putting my hands over the chest that didn’t ask to be there.
Wishing the hands would turn my chest into the flat board that I desire.
Hoping one day this will be in my deepest of memories,
Maybe In that other life I would have wanted to share my body with my eyes open.
When i say I wish I wasn’t trans,
I mean I wish I didn’t smile more when thinking of getting parts of myself removed.
I mean I wish I got the easy way
I mean I wish
I wish I loved myself how everyone else loved me growing up.

I have a love-hate relationship with him.
It's getting really controlling fast.
If I start to smile,
He must steal the happiness away.
When I'm feeling set, he reminds me of my past.
Knowing all my confidence will disappear,
Then I would give him my attention again.
I tried to leave him a few times, but I always found my way back.

I don't want to fall again,
I'm not afraid of falling in love.
I'm scared to lose someone close.
All the memories will slowly disappear,
When I fall, will you promise to let me down easy?
I want to remember the good.

Trauma is funny like that…
The best jokes come from it,
Hiding the pain that lives underneath the laughs.
Trying hard to remember the lost childhood,
Wondering why it's so blurry.
Trauma is funny like that...
It's a wild card that will come out at any time.
Giving us endless stories to tell,
Hoping not to scare anyone off all the damage.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.