I shut my eyes.
Will they open again?
I go to sleep.
Will I wake up again?
I stand in the shower.
Will the water be harmless again?
I drive home.
Will I arrive safely again?
I inhale.
Will I breath again?
I look into a fire.
Will my skin be unscathed again?
I look down the stairs.
Will I make it again?
I take my medication.
Will I be okay again?

Mom nudged me to the side.
We are a happy family,
But for some reason, we always have to hide.

I’m a rhinoceros so is my mom,
We roam the plains,
And eat the grass,
But when the men come we hide and pretend to be glass.

As mom nudged I resisted,
She stumbled,
I laughed.

Then I heard the sound,

It was the men,
They drove around,
And scouted our makeshift den.

They raised the stick,

Pointed it towards mom,
What fun they were finally playing,
I was completely calm

But mom wasn’t,
I didn’t understand,
They raised their hand,
And a loud noise sounded.

I looked towards Mom to see her,
But she was now surrounded.

They took her away,
And left me alone.

I’m still a rhinoceros,
But I now roam the plains on my own.

Full of hate,
Full of love,
Showed one,
Hid the other,
Life was fake,
So was her façade,
She was someone one way,
Different the other,
People saw happiness,
She saw shadows,
Her eyes saw gray,
But she radiated life,
She smiled,
inside she cried,
Home was stable,
Home was fragile,
Courageous was she,
Inside she cowered in fear,
Steady heart,
Shattered dreams,
Broken spirit,
Here you see,
She was always different then what she seemed.

If you're going to leave
do it fast,
I can't handle this knowledge
knowing that you are only staying for my sake,
please leave quickly
as I look away
I will try and forget that laughing face,
that sweet-smelling cologne,
your gentle tone,
but your face is now solemn
there is no more joy
So leave now or you will just destroy
my  heart
please don't s
                  h
                            a
                         t
                                     t
              e
                      r it
for it is already cracked
my heart is ever so fragile
please keep it intact.

A secret crush turned into love.

He took her hand and whispered secrets.
He made her fall into the deepness,
and then one night he gave her
a hug,
a kiss,
a ride.

He took her to his room
and laid her down.
She said, “no”
He said, “yes,”
“I don’t want you to leave me,” she said,
“This will only make me love you more,” he replied.

She gave in.
She opened the door.

Then came his withdrawal:
slow texts,
no calls,
sleepless nights,
cracking heart,
slowly tearing her apart.

Then came the words
she dreaded to hear:
He said, “My feelings were never real.”

It was a one-sided love
an imaginary world.

This was the story
of a naive little girl,
who fell in love carelessly,
and got her heart broken

She once believed in love,
but now her eyes have opened
to see this cruel world.
She has finally concluded that love is not real,
just a temporary emotion.
Here one day and gone the next,
but yet people still fall into it regardless of the effects.

Hey,
It's me
I'm that girl that you used to see.
hey,
It's me.
I'm different and you must agree,
Hey,
Do you remember?
Because I do.
Do you remember the calls, those fights, those real late nights?
Because I do.
Hey,
Do you miss me?
I'm not the girl I used to be.
Hey,
Remember when you said you loved me?
Because I do.
Hey,
Do still you love me?
Because I still love you,
Even after every hurtful thing you put me through.

Tomorrow is bring your parents to school day Momma.
Dad says you can't come Momma.
Why Momma?
Why can't you come Momma?

Everyone is telling me they are sorry Momma.
Why are they saying they are sorry Momma?

Why haven't you come back since the party Momma?

You know,
the one where we had to dress in all black.

Why did we have to dress in all black Momma?

It's getting lonely Momma.
Why won't you come up Momma?
You have been sleeping for forever Momma.

Huh...
What a weird bed you chose for the party Momma.
Is it comfortable Momma?
Maybe I should try it someday,

what do you think Momma?

I miss you Momma.
Please wake up.

Momma?

We argue all day, my brain and I
These thoughts scream in my head
I want to die
“No you want to die”
Wait, who said that, get out
Get.
Out.
Why can’t I escape this prison
My mind traps me, tortures me
I need to make it out of here
But how do I escape my own mind?
“You’re worthless”
No, stop please. I know.
I.
Know.
I claw and scream, but only I can hear myself.
Why am I laughing?
“You deserve this”
No, no I don’t I want to leave. But maybe I deserve it…
I.
Do.
Maybe it’s best to be trapped in my brain
It keeps everyone safe right? I deserve it, right?
“Yes”
Okay I can’t stay, wait no what am I saying.
I’ll.
Stay.

I sat on my roof,
                           Stared at the sky,
                                         As that comforting voice filled my small mind,
He wanted the best for me,
                                            Hated when I cried,
                                        Said it broke his heart when I looked and I lied,
Said my eyes gave it away,
                                           As they were always so sad,
so he pulled me close like a long lost comrade,
                                                                            He said he wouldn’t let go,
                                            He told me his love,
And I’m still standing with him,
                                                     Staring at the stars above.

She sat in her bed,
that awful bed.
Full of tears, blood, and broken dreams.

As her eyes slowly dried up from the constant pain.
Not physical pain no it was much worse,
for she was full of self-hate and what felt like an emotional curse.

She put on her headphones and closed her eyes.
Her eyelids showed color and rhythm.
The beat engrossed her as she forgot the fights, the yelling, and the terrible pain,
it flew away as she envisioned a life of hope, love, and one without chains.


She sat there as long as she could,
For she knew as soon as she opened her eyes that the vision would shatter.
She would open her eyes to see that bare room,
with seemingly grey walls.
Whereas, with music, she could be anywhere.
She could be in a boy’s arms,
she could be hugged by a loving family,
she could be lying on her best friends lap,
laughing and forgetting the world around them.

But when she was home it was cold;
there was no warmth.

She was always alone with tears that performed.
Her skin was always wet from them like it had just stormed.

And as the song that reminded her of the life that she had never had reached its end,
the colors faded,
and the rhythm slowed,
As she walked back up from that envisioned road.

She opened her eyes,
and looked down,
at those god awful hands.
She was ashamed of her life,
and at the end of the song
she raised her knife.

Sad blue eyes,
vulnerable heart,
broken in spirit,
fragile from the start.

Needs to be held,
for she will shatter,
hangs on by a piece,
smiling, though she knows the memory of her will cease.

She will fade.

She will leave.

Only memories of her broken dreams,
busted hopes,
collapsed faith,
crippled mind,
damaged love,
and fractured life remains.

In the back of her friend's memories
she will be stored away.
Left to be forgotten,
by those who once lit up her world of gray.