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 Feb 2021 M Vogel
preston

Dirt poor  and
down trodden,
he didnt ask for this
this life  among the fallen--

My fuckerface,  he paid his dues
among the homes of the forgotten

Scandinavian/Cherokee was his pa
(tho not for long)
Crow Creek Sioux and German,  his ma..

and all along the Rosebud rez
his half-breed skin,  rubbed raw.


Ah,  my beautiful  sweet fuckerface--
you are  the finest  blood-brother
of them all.

Now the hardness of this world  slowly
grinds your dreams away
Making a fool's joke
out of the promises we make
And what once seemed black and white
turns to so many shades of gray
We lose ourselves in work to do,
work to do and bills to pay
And it's a ride, ride, ride,
and there ain't much cover

With no one running by your side,
my blood brother

On through the houses of the dead
past those fallen in their tracks
Always moving ahead
and never looking back
Now I don't know how I feel,
I don't know how I feel tonight
If I've fallen 'neath the wheel,
if I've lost or I gained sight
I don't even know why,
I don't know why I made this call

Or if any of this matters anymore, after all

But the stars are burning bright
like some mystery uncovered
I'll keep moving through the dark
with you--

in my heart,  my blood brother
https://youtu.be/8KiPcYxQ6iI

xoxo
 Feb 2021 M Vogel
Mims
My brain feels like something
I am constantly trying to get away from
Unresolved trauma lays
And grey matter doesn’t stay
I’m in pain
A lot of the time
And I can’t stand being alone
Because of this
Distractions keep me occupied
But they don’t allow my issues to get fixed
I tried to go back to therapy
But my doctor hung up on me
And I am alone in the shallow end of the pool
Again
“Just stand up”
Is what I think
Is what I cry
All night
“Just stand up”
Is what everyone tells me
But what they don’t see
Is this pool is full of tar
And while it is shallow
It is drowning me still
It is holding me still
“Just stand up”
Do I create my own problems?
Do I hurt myself?
Am I the only reason that I still feel like this?
“Just stand up”
Molasses
“Just stand up”
A crisis
”Just stand up”
My limbs are numb
“Just stand up”
I stand
And my older brother stares at my naked body like he’s hungry
And I am 7 years old again
I stand
And I can see my father slap my mother across the face
I am 6 years old again
I stand
And I see the boy that manipulated me out of my body like a murderer who says “I love you” before shooting you
If you love me why are you doing this
Why are you violating me
I’m 16 years old again
And no one ever told me that my body was mine
That I could say no to the men who want to hurt me
That not everyone wants to love me the way I want to be
Loved
I stand
I spin
And I’m back down again.
 Feb 2021 M Vogel
Hooria Iftikhar
Please love me more than I hate myself.....!💔💔
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