Silence and I still can't rest so I'll post this here and hope for the best.

I wanted to keep this to myself but I have no one to talk to and I need to get it off my chest.

After I burned my letter I prayed for an hour and though I felt better I saw no hope for a coward in fetters.

When I was little I learned that I can't have what I want and all I ever wanted was love in my heart.

I was denied and like stale bread I eat hatred for dinner in bed.

I despise my enemies they are free I want them to burn out of jealousy.

They have nothing to worry about while I'm scared to talk I can't leave my house and go for a walk.

You reap what you sow people know all my sins for I tell them so.

I need solutions fast or my dwindling life won't last.

I try to be a nice guy and people hate me for this I don't know why.

Before I knew God I was carefree once I found God the devil frightened me.

I trusted in God and still got burned I suppose it's just another lesson learned.

I wish I could live I try to forgive but I wanna die and I don't know why.

Sigh or cry no one cares people give off nasty stares.

Pride and malice rules the streets I hide in my room under the sheets.

And I dream more pleasant things I hope to some day have some friends.

For bread and wine I toil about
I put in work and gather dust
My face is drenched from harvest time
Winter comes and I don't rest
The workload's constant for fallen man
Who groans about in fallen world
The burden I carry is on my shoulders
Where sins of past have made their home
Love is scarce but calls me back
To happier simpler prosperous times
Before my work was done for others
Before I had to repay my debts
Now I'm living for myself
The walls and ceiling are my friends
A prison without locks is where I am
Looking for peaceful rest upon my bed
Tormented by coldness I stutter and turn
Into the void I direct my heart
Far from toil and labour and travail
I take what's mine and give it away
The world receives from my cold hands
My soul departs for resting place
Now I'm dead I can rest in peace

It's getting old
The same story told
Same heart every day
Fighting the void
I tried to be perfect
To have a clean soul
But then I got cold
And lit it like coal

The fire burns bright
And lights up my eyes
I cannot tell
Am I in hell?

I'm fighting back urges
And mental diseases
I have very few things
that survived the purges
My bible has creases
I smacked my head with it
I wanted a new lease
So I burned all my bridges

The fire keeps burning
Devouring and spreading
I cannot tell
Is this hell?

The days are now shorter
I'm waking up later
The sun races off
But I am moving forward
No longer picking up pieces
Of missed opportunities
Tomorrow will be different
Life will get better

The tongue is a rudder
Its words are like fire
Sparking imagination, spreading

Rumours cut
deeper than knives
Ruining lives

Label attached
Like a parasite
Staining the white

No one will touch
A leprous man
What hope for such?

The fool walks about
Pointing the finger
Exposing another

What will he do
when he is stripped from power
and stands fore his maker?

I looked into your eyes and smiled
You weren't very welcoming
So I shut myself in
And left

I wonder about fate
Not just mine but of yours
It's easy to tell you to go to hell
Harder to assume you're going to heaven

I want to know about fate
Even if it's none of my business
Will you be there in the afterlife?
Will I have to put up with you there?

Others might call me lazy
But I'm working on not looking back so much
There is no guarantee of a future
Each day is like the last

And the past is still in me
It jolts and shocks me
I don't want to dwell anymore
I want to talk to you without being afraid

Achieve the impossible
Retrieve what you lost
Let trust take the reigns
Behold and believe
Cherish the signs
They will lead you to truth
Leave doubt behind
Surrender to light
Take hold of our words
They are yours to behold
For better or worse
They need to be told
Clutch them in your hands
You can understand
And be freed like a bird
You can learn from our past
Delight in your senses
Savour each sentence
Seize what you like
Trust what you see
For wisdom and love
Are reflected in poetry
And being a poet
To me is a dream

Enamoured and stricken
by love out of nowhere
It started with a dare
Now I'm writing letters of care
I playfully write them
for we are an item
Thus I'm yearning for nothing
and have no need of wings

As the world turns around us
we satisfy our lust
Blind to the mess
of others' distress
This house is so nice
yet I'm starting to think
we live like mice
in hidden vice

My friend,
I must be honest and lend
you the truth in my hand
The letters I send
are not entirely honest
for you are my end
I hope you understand
You're all that matters

Your eyes are deep waters
Without you I'm burning
The way I bend for you
is stomach-turning
The day we fell in love
was the day I stopped learning
Thus I am cursed
by longing and yearning