There are certain corners in my mind I can't go
Memories of the past distorted and concrete
When I try to open my mind
To let love inside me
They pop up
Obstructing

I run, dash and dodge around these memories
I try to focus on the good times
As hard as I try I can't forget
And if I try to face them
I get eaten alive
Then spat out

They say I should leave the past behind and move on
That I should have more compassion on myself
But it's the way I am and can't change
Some scars are simply eternal
And won't go away
Until the end

I'm waiting for a day that does not exist
Where I can reunite with my loved ones once more
I am trapped in a loop, routine dictates my nights and days
The more time passes, the more I know I've lost them forever

Melancholy haunts me as I go about my business
Estranged friends pop into my head at times
I've failed them, just like I failed myself
The only thing to look forward to is death

Yet there's a dim ember inside me
That come the end, there will be a new beginning
And I will see the ones that I love, alive and well
And what once tore us apart, will no longer be

Some truths cannot be taught
They can only be experienced
Teachers trickle down knowledge
But to understand one must start from the bottom
You take pride in your education
Yet you will never learn the most basic thing
You just want a comfortable life
You sacrifice others on the altar of bettering yourself
You're hard as a stone
I'm malleable like gold
I listen to your problems and have compassion
But your true problem is that you refuse to change
Still, confetti falls on everything you do
So what reason do you have to change your ways?
The world rewards you
The same world that treats me like an anchor
You want progress and tech
I want a return to simplicity and nature
You do what you will
I go with you to the edge
You push me off
I fly up past you
I know what you're doing
You thought you could make me suffer
But I suffer willingly
Some day you will understand why

The ship of life rocks back and forth
One side to another, tables turn
No one feels good all the time
Love sometimes returns for hate
Sensations are forgettable unlike events
Needless consumption is a sign of fear
The innocent feel the spirit of the times
Nightmares haunt their days and nights
Common people let things pass
Justice leans on uneven scales
Some appear clean but not inwardly
It takes time to discern a person
Death might put an end to souls
Sin makes one feel as though they are enslaved
Though still alive, one eats himself
Better that, than to condemn
Blame is never good to give
The outstretched finger will be broken
Some situations make one learn
Yet reality like sparks could go either way
Talk to yourself, you don't have to check in
Freedom to escape is good to have
I expect the worst, and it keeps happening
I hope for the best, but it's a gamble
This world will always play its tricks
No one can boast, for we are fallen
Those who boast are often popular
Yet when wisdom calls, few answer

When I get hurt, I struggle to find words
So I remain silent and walk away

These things I hope to never understand:
Willful sin
Lack of inner reproof
Words that put others down

I survived a demonic attack
I am a target of all evil people
I wish I could fight but my faith forbids
Blood of Jesus

When will it end?
I feel out of place
I'll never belong here
Called stupid
But my heart's not with this world

To live one must have drive
But I'm not sure I have the strength anymore
I'm like a car that has no fuel
Sitting inside for a while
I used to run on ***** oil
and it's damaged some of my inner components
I need a good person that can invest in me
To fill me with gas, and take care of me
Otherwise it's off to the junk yard
For I don't think I can start again on my own

I pull my hair I grind my teeth
I punch the bed I stomp my feet
I gave to you all I had
You took it all and left me sad
Cause you went away when you could've stayed
And when I pray you're always there
Can't get away you've left your mark
Just wanna be alone in the dark
Crying tears I bow to fears
It's what I've done for many years
Even though the blame is yours
It is of course, I blame myself
I force myself not to care
At night I look for you and you're not there
I'm waiting for someone to revive me
And give me love, not to deceive me