Many people are born of blue skies
A star in the sky belongs to each one
A dream forms in their sparkling eyes
They follow a destiny that begins in their vision
Calm and secure, they are free to roam
To walk with light that guides their paths

I was born of a different sky
On a rainy and stormy November morning
Cold and damp, I knew to rebel
My destiny was to go where others would not
I died each time I was put under light
Only to be reborn through a desire for the end

But now the blanket of darkness has been lifted from my heart
And I see that in all my pain was a comforting nothingness
Despite my loneliness I never lost my strength and courage
The coldness caressed me like a nurturing mother
In her womb I dwelled while others saw depression
And anxiety and nervousness and laziness and sloth

I feel relieved that the demons have left me alone, if for a while
I am not being harassed spiritually by nightmares and terrors
My methods of relief are not needed
It is at this point that I cease judging others
I see the blue skies, and they are numbing the pain
And with the blue skies I understand that it is time to act

I never had a goal or a dream
Except to live and gaze at the beautiful skies
To live in peace and security
In harmony with nature and God and with people
I have sat alone and in despair for so long
I am thankful for a moment when the sun parts the clouds

In this place
I try so hard
To show off
My better side
Under a correct light
I can shine so bright
Go so far
But there's a part
In my heart
That comes out
At certain times
Here it is
Then it's gone
Now it's back
It's like right and wrong
Day and night
Or white and black
I wave it away
Keep it at bay
It comes again
To attack
Need to pray
And unwind
To unify
My ruptured mind
But I know
In the end
By moving on
I'm left behind

If I'm quiet
No one listens
If I shout
Then I'm crazy
Told to let it all out
Not to bottle things up
But no one cares
How I fare

A narcissist's dreams
Have selfish themes
They see the future
And plan their schemes
But when they see me
Full of joy
They do their part
To break my heart

And thus I fall
Into a well
Into a hole
Into a hell
I have to yell
A cry for help
Cause no one cares
How I fare

I sometimes wonder why I'm here
Unable to find joy in what I have near
It's clear I must fight for what I want out of life
Yet I'm tired of poking the hive with a knife
To eat honey at the expense of strife
Fighting for life when none can survive

I need all these things to live
Yet I'm empty handed when it's time to give
I want help and compassion but it's not what I gave
No matter how hard I try I can't forgive
True judgement's concealed behind the grave
My personal judgement makes me a knave
I want my foes in hell but I want to be saved
The hypocrite in me is stuck in a torrential rain
Rotting and sick, I point finger and blame

I am told to be strong, I am told I will die
I heard rumours of a place where fallen angels lie
Where dead men groan and angry snakes hiss
Will I go there if my life goes amiss?
Or am I already saved as the protestants say
Yet today my sun is gone and the clouds are grey

Each person's a star, suppose I'm the same
Where fire of sin burns, I want out of this game
I am obsessed with wanting to ***** out the flame
Yet all is so vain, and there's nothing to gain
Between life and death I'm stuck and torn
Would it have been better to have never been born?

I tried to lead by example
To tell the truth and speak with love
Against an army of demonic sinners
I waged war against evil
For her

After all I invested in her
Sweat from work
Tears of anguish
I even shed my blood once
For her

And then what does she do
She ***** some guy
Behind my back
Thus making herself worthless
A failed investment

And then she tries to come back
As if nothing ever happened
Well, I haven't moved on
But the love I reserved for her
Is now wrath and I will cry against her

Why are the wicked preserved
Why are their lives prolonged
Their crimes are not met with swift recourse
They laugh at their victims
Make sport of their lives

I feel sapped
A bloodsucking succubus has sunk her claws into me
I can no longer fight
I feel so weak
I doubt myself

Yet my life is a breath
And despite my rage I see what I once was
A sinner of varying degree
So I will wait for justice
As my patience is tested

Thanks for the pleasure
And the adventure
We had fun in our leisure
Where I was your pleaser
I offered my treasure
You took without measure
I'm the poem in your folder
You're the liability in my ledger
My chain and my boulder
The fly on my shoulder
As I get older
I grow colder
As you get older
Your crimes get bolder
I needed the lesson
To regain my vision
But you don't need my lecture
So you left without closure

I see demons everywhere
I am fragile and infirm
Can't look you in the eye
Lest you find the worm

An insecurity to exploit
A breach in my wall
All so you can laugh
And feel ten feet tall

My back is bent down to the floor
There is no pride left in this soul
Who keeps casting these curses on me
How does one fight an enemy unseen

My God won't touch me
My dreams are filthy
My brain is rotting
My mouth is frothing

Their eyes were fearless
They spared no whip
Their hearts were cold
They've got me in their grip

Most people have no idea how they affect others
The stench of their cruelty long lingers
I am a target and that is my fate
I must be patient and wait