Where have I sinned, that this spirit of dread
has befallen my head, and made my bones shake?
I am robbed of peace, my eyes drip tears
yet no one will come to my aid
My foundation is bitter, my enemies all around
I am locked in my room, awaiting the end
For the evil that was done to me
has left a lasting impression
I cannot sleep at night, in the day I faint
for those who have shown me no mercy
are in a happy state
They plunder and take my blessing for themselves
My faith is a trophy upon their shelves
Hypocrisy reigns in the land
I am like a parentless child who rebelled against crime
People saw me as an obstacle to their schemes
They acted in wrath against me to further their dreams
No one shows kindness to one whose in peril
They tore me apart limb from limb
until there was nothing left for me to tell
Is this the inheritance of the one who longs for truth
Who chose love and kindness from youth?
Justice is on its knees praying for release
When will it arise to avenge my cries?
Vain! It's so vain how they move about
What do they hope to achieve
with endless vexation?
They destroy the meek in their goings
They steal and wreak havoc fully knowing
that what they do pins people to the ground
They destroy everyone who is not like them
To make war against such is to be sound

This world is a testing place
It prepares us for the life to come
There are no tears in heaven
Those who don't cry now are cursed
These aren't death throes but growing pains
Every time they used me as a stepping stone
Every time they betrayed me
I chose to extend peace back to them
I did not fight back
I am a stumbling block to their pride
Going from place to place receiving blows,
only to have God elevate me to a point
Where my uptick makes them squeal
And squirm like spoiled toddlers
I take no pleasure in it
There is a pain on my conscience
I could have done more to serve my maker
Yet to my credit
I chose blindness and death over evil
All these memories I have of being used
They **** me off enough to stick to the straight path
I am being tried and tested
Yet the heat of the furnace does not hurt me
I do not fear my own destruction
But what I might do in haste
To the oppressor
I struggle to forgive the evildoer in my heart
Though outwardly I forgive them instantly
The pain they caused is undeniable
At night I reflect upon it
I cannot sleep without reliving the past
Replaying their words in my mind
I'm glad I never caused a huge ripple
But dwelled in the shade until I was ready
Going from dark place to dark place
After all, we still live in the shadows

Backstabbers cheaters and liars
Backsliders traitors and backbiters
There's so many opportunists with opportunities
to cause someone's downfall to give them pleasure
To have fame and notoriety, they like that most
Their words are now heard from coast to coast
Echoing deep inland all the way to the shore
Deeds that never would have had a platform before
Men know how to throw down but to raise up they are unfit
How does one live in such a climate?
I always thought it was the duty of man
to give order and peace to the land
It seems serpents have infiltrated the masses now
To do evil they can but to do good they don't know how
We need to come together and hurl out the snakes
No matter the stakes, no matter what it takes
Or else justice will fall and things will get worse
And the people will groan under a dark curse

This city life is mentally toilsome
My mood shifts like a rocking pendulum
Working for ****** isn't fun
Fall in love with one and you're done
My eyes are bloodshot behind a locked door
What the world has to offer, doesn't cut it anymore
I use drugs to fill the gap in my soul
And to counteract the meds that make me sore
One minute I'm pacified, the next thirst for gore
I try not to succumb in this spiritual war
I implore you not to search for me, you will not find
I can't tell the truth without being unkind
The average person makes me want to go blind
Demons are feeding on my lobotomized mind
The same kind of demons that made these machines
The works of the hands have men on their knees
A stagnated society with feminist themes
It works for ******, who shouldn't lead
I serve no purpose, and feel no ease
I just want my own land and to eat fruit from trees

The night is upon me, commence end of day reflection
Trying to sleep while thoughts swirl in my head
I've lived like a robot on autopilot
Resistant to change

The more I think, the more frustrated I get
Trying to remember but also forget
Why I'm alone in my bed
And where is the one who lives in my head

In the morning I'm happy
To have survived another night
And got some rest, feeling my best
But by golly I can't make the right decisions

For the things I promised at night to myself
Do not come to fruition in the dawning light
Every time I make plans it comes to naught
Maybe next week, maybe next month

The months turn to years, then decades and that's life
Funny I can't control anything including the present
I can't alter the future by myself
I cannot give clarity to my past when I'm all alone

Running amok, judging
Pointing out flaws as if I were helping
Building an empire by stepping on people
Choosing who to spare and who to cast down
I killed everyone and now I'm alone
Chased them all off, and proclaimed myself victor
It wasn't until the scene ended and I had a long rest
I closed my eyes and the horror sunk in
I saw all those people I redirected with words
They've all moved on while I stayed in place
The visions wouldn't stop, I heard my own voice
Being mocked and contradicted by my conscience
The people I hurt looked at me weird
I built my house on sand, but the foundation has shifted
The tables have turned and now I must suffer
To see those I tried to control ascending to greatness
Walking through doors that have long since shut for me
I can only peer through the window or climb a wall
Before being chased away like a thief

Seeing birds fly, they needn't a reason to live
They don't grieve about what they don't give
What do I call this weight on my back,
and if I were to stop, who would pick up the slack?
I need to work or the worms creep in
I cannot rest or rot seeps in
Turning in bed trying to ignore the pain
Controlling everything as sickness takes the reigns
Sometimes I wish I could let go
I wish things would fall into place on their own