12/13/2020

Cold and tasteless.
Is the air.
Dry and lifeless,
Lightheaded is every breath.

Hot and sweaty.
Is my skin.
Weak and rapid,
Troubled is my heartbeat.

Muted and thirsty.
Are all smells.
Pacing and worried,
Ambivalent is my disposition.

Boring and tight.
Is this room.
Barren and absent,
Unproductive is every second.

11/18/2020

I don’t want to be a person that everybody wants to be,
Why should they look at me and think I have it all together?
Do I put on a show so good they believe it?
My careless apathy is bliss,
But if I showed them that I actually did care,
Would that give them too much power over me?
How many times have I scrolled my contacts?
Deleting numbers, cutting contact.
I’m intimidating sometimes, but what if I have fears of my own?
But really, I have nothing to fear-
Does that mean I fear everything equally?
Could showing fear give me control, if ever so little?
Why is it so empowering to be weak?
What is to be gained by complaining?
Why does it feel good to put yourself down?
But sadness is never as good as joy,
In an instant, comes the surrender to cheerlessness.
But how many words can turn joy into heartache?
How long does it take for broken to be mended?
Are the hours in a day too many?
Why is another sunrise the only thing I’m waiting for?
Will the vagueness of night give way to clarity?
I could ask a million questions, but what do I do with them?
Will the answer I’m seeking satisfy my thirst?
Does a question end only with its answer?
Is a destination the death of a journey?
Or are there paths worth abandoning in the spirit of trust?
How long until there is peace in this tempest?
How many steps are left up this staircase?
I was never lost, but I don’t know where I am.
There has always been One who knows my situation,
Even though I chose to take many steps alone.
Do I possess the strength to do the hard things?
Or will I remain icebound in this paralysis,
As I watch opportunities follow their course without me?
Do I possess the strength to motivate a good cause?
Or will someone else fill the empty shoes I should’ve?
My ears were cold, so I put on earmuffs,
Oh my soul! Grab a megaphone and wake me up!
Pierce the dampened holes of my sleeping heart.

9/15/2020

I have a woodpecker in my treehouse,
He finishes his pounding and bows.
My tongue bids him a friendly farewell,
But I hope he never returns or fares well.

My treehouse of all places!!!
Why won’t he respect my special spaces?
It’s the only tree in this yard, I know,
But when I need peace, it’s where I go.

He stops and knocks where he pleases,
Who cares what he builds, I like when it ceases.
It’s probably a home for his family,
But how could I stand living more unhappily?

Pounding multiplied, sounding terrified,
If this bird seems polite, picture a parasite.
See it from my perspective,
And you’ll understand it’s not subjective.

‘Cause when my peace is destroyed,
With everyone I’m annoyed.
They’re on my permanent bad side,
Made out to be turbulent bad guys.

I’m struggling to bring this metaphor around,
And I’ve gotta leave my answer left unfound.
The tree is my head, its house my mind,
The bird is an ache, that I really do mind.

9/5/2020

How many times will this happen,
Why do I repeat these actions?
How long will I fail at the same task,
Before I realize I’ve never asked?
You’re waiting to bless my socks off,
But You are not a controlling God.

Some people’s wisdom is really humor,
Cuz they said my brain had a bright future,
So bright, it’s like I’m light-headed,
But how do they know where I’m headed?
That’s easy for them to say,
When they’re them; but I’m me, okay?

They’ve made exceptions for me and all,
But that don’t make me exceptional.
It makes me feel entitled,
Like I deserve better treatment.
And when I’m treated like I deserve,
It really gets on my nerves.

I’m scared to ask, I guess,
‘Cause I know you’ll say, “Yes!”
If I say it’s my best now,
I’m definitely holding out.
But if you see through and call my bluff,
I’ll probably walk off with a huff.

Before you slip into deadly habits,
Be sure to count your hatchets.
If you ever think you can’t wait for something,
You’ve got another thing coming.
Sometimes you just need a week in the dark,
To see that in Life it’s worth aiming far.

Change takes a wash with a rinse cycle,
Then a dryer for the tears by the eyeful.
Trying to burn it down? Fire works.
When it’s over celebrate with fireworks!
Can’t have a shadow without light,
But one day wrong will be made right.

I grew tired of correcting people for so long,
So now I just leave them in the wrong.
Instead of dumb, they feel clever,
But they’re duller than ever.
But what’s the difference, really,
Between thinking and speaking – it’s silly!

I’ve got physical pains from my mental problems,
I really hate em, and I’ll never solve ’em.
But I don’t have to when I have them covered,
By the One on that cross who suffered.
Yet I still feel the convulsions,
Every time I turn from Your instructions.

I don’t get easily excited,
My face, like my tongue, is quiet.
When you try to surprise me,
Acting all sneaky like spies be,
I shrug it off like I already knew it,
And you’re thinking, “Man I really blew it!”

Growing up, I truly learned a lot,
But how much was really taught?
It was all learned my own way,
Growing from my mistakes.
I only knew to act in responsibility,
After I failed and left myself in fragility.

Swords and arrows really break my soul,
But with words, I stop and think until I know.
Suffocation by my own breath isn’t comical,
With circular reasoning and faulty logicals.
Please update your bulletin boards,
Don’t send hate and bullets through boards.

I know how to shut down a conversation,
When I put my tongue in operation.
I’m a most interesting person, I promise;
But I’m bad at first impressions.
When you give up, saying “***** it,”
I shrug, thinking, “I really blew it…”